For Him, For Her
by Fullmetal Vampire Lover
Summary: Keep running… I can't do this anymore! I don't want to do with my life… No Sanya… No Ila… No Mom… No Dad… How will I live anymore? A flash of Jean runs through my mind and I feel tears start to well in my eyes. I won't give up. I'll act just as arrogant as Jean. I'll live for him. I'll find him in Wall Rose!
1. Chapter 1

Warning ahead of time: Some characters are going to be OOC, so go ahead and hate on it, but this story wasn't even gonna appear on FF. I have 108,000 words already done to it and so i can't change jack shit. So sit back, shut the fuck up and read my story if you please 3

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_The Year is 845_

The moment it appeared, the world went silent for maybe ten seconds. As I stared up with shock at the large skinless creature that returned an expression filled with intelligence, I felt my body becoming numb. The silence that held everybody in one large frozen prison was suddenly disrupted by a sound like a hurricane washing over the city.

"What… What is that?" Sanya asks in a tight voice as the ball we had been previously playing with rolls away from her grip.

"Tah… Titan…" I hear my voice choke out, but even my own voice seems so distant compared to the titan peeking over the large wall that was supposed to keep them out

"How is that possible? That wall is over fifty meters high!" Nathanael demands, just as a loud explosion encases the now seemingly small district of Shiganshina.

"Mom, why did we move to Shiganshina on the outer wall? All my friends are in Trost!" I complain as my voice is ignored by everybody in the large car filled with soldier and traveling civilians.

"Dad was the one paying for our home in Trost Elsie. Dad isn't here anymore so we can't afford it anymore. We have friends in Shiganshina that will take us in." Ila, my older sister, reminds me with an empty look to her usually lively grey eyes.

"Thanks a lot dad…" I mutter as I glare out the window. "What happened to him? Why isn't here anymore?" Everybody stiffens as I stare at my reflection in the window.

"Your father died helping humanity with our investigation of the titans. He will always be remembered and honored. His death will not be in vain." A male soldier assures me while rubbing my mom's back as more tears fill her eyes.

"I don't want him to be dead though. I don't want him to be nothing more than a memory because memories can be forgotten." Everybody in the cart looks over at me with an annoyed look as if they expected me to start bursting into tears. "But if he really did die with a purpose then I forgive him."

"How old are you exactly?" A female soldier sitting beside me asks as I look over at her with my wide blue eyes.

"I'm eight years old." Apparently they are surprised by this because they all give my mom disbelieving looks.

"E-Eight years old? You sound a little older than eight." A soldier admits and I just start twirling my black hair around my finger. _Jean liked to play with my hair a lot._

"She always studied with her father." My mom manages to say with a forced smile, filled with pride.

"And Jean. Sometimes he would get bored though." I add, upset that my mom would not mention my best friend.

"I see…"

A loud explosion rings out in the seemingly small district of Shiganshina.

"Run!" I yell at my paralyzed friends, their slightly less sophisticated minds not working at the moment for them.

"Mom is that way!" Sanya screams suddenly and takes off against the crowd of running and shrieking people.

"Sanya! No!" I gasp while chasing after her. "Get to the gate Nathanael!"

"The titans are in the wall! They are coming!" Somebody cries and I can feel my stomach tightening in fear. _ I won't leave my best friend behind!_

I can feel large vibrations underneath my feet, most likely from the titans walking around us. Instead of turning around and running like I want to, I push my forward with the thought that I can at least save my friend if my family doesn't make it.

"Sanya! Don't be an idiot!" I scream, hoping that she will hear my quiet voice over the louder screams of agony of the running and the eaten. "Don't die please!"

I finally see her digging through a giant pile of rubble while screeching and sobbing uselessly, hoping that she can save her trapped parents who are also crying out to her.

"Run Sanya! Please don't try and save me!" Her father begs as he wraps his arm weakly around his wife who is also crying.

"I'm not leaving you guys! Stop talking nonsense!" Sanya cries while wiping her eyes with bloodied hands. "If you die, I'm dying with you! Elsie! Help me get my parents out! Please."

"Sanya, listen to me. Your parents want you to run and the titans are coming. If we don't leave now, you will die too!" I try to persuade her as her parents give me a hopeful look.

"Elsie, get my daughter out of here! Make sure that she gets out of here safely! Promise me Elsie!" Sanya's mother sobs as she digs her head into her husband's shoulder.

"Touch me Elsie and I will fight with every last breath." Sanya threatens darkly when I reach out to her.

"Elsie!" I turn sharply to see my sister stumbling towards me, blood all over her body.

"Ila!" I cry happily as I start to run towards her. Just as Ila was there, she suddenly disappears, right in front of my eyes. My entire body locks up as Sanya and I watch as a titan stands up on the other side of the road, Ila in hands. "Ila!? Ila!" I scream in horror, my legs suddenly going weak as Ila starts squirming and lashing out at the titan with all of her power. "No… Not Ila… Please God not my sister…" I beg as I fall to the ground.

"Don't sit there you idiot! Run!" Ila snaps at me and just that voice alone sends a jolt through my body. _I will not act like Sanya. I will save both of us._

"I love you!" I shriek as loud as I can, hoping that my last words to her will calm her soul once she goes to heaven. She offers me one last smile as the Titan drops her top half into it's mouth and bites down, completely severing her in half.

"Oh my god… No…" Sanya whispers as I pull myself up between hic's and sobs. I give her a sharp look as her parents yell at us to leave. "I'm not leaving-" I bring my hand back and bring it across her face as hard as I can.

"Unless you want you and your parents to end up like my sister, I suggest you start running with me right now!" I growl at her as she holds her face with shock. The titan looks down at us and that's all I need to grab her arm and pull sharply.

"Mom! Dad! No!" Sanya whispers harshly, but at least she isn't fighting me as we run together away from the titan that starts to busy itself with digging through Sanya's house.

Nothing around me matters anymore as the images of my sister being torn in half replays in my head over and over again until I let out a pain filled howl, my chest tight and painful.

"I hate you… I hate you for being right…" Sanya cries while covering her eyes. I turn to give her a sad look, only to see a titan coming up behind us.

"Pick up your pace damn it!" I snap at her, ardrenaline running through my veins. _I won't let my sister's death mean nothing. I will live for the both of us! And my mother too! _

"I… I can't! I can't breathe anymore!" Sanya chokes out as she starts to slow down both of us. "Elsie, leave me behind… I will distract it while you get to the gate…"

"What the hell are you talking about? I will not leave you behind! I promised your parents-"

"I know what you promised! I want to be with them and I will only pull you behind if I stay! I can't do this anymore! I'm sorry Elsie… Please don't be mad at me…" Time freezes once again as Sanya pulls herself out of my grip and starts to run towards the Titan.

"Sanya!" I cry, but I realize that we will both die if I try and save her. "I'm sorry Sanya's parents… I really tried… I really did…" I hear Sanya scream behind me as the Titan grabs her, but I refuse to turn around and watch her death. I already have one death of somebody close to me; I don't need another person haunting me. "Be free in heaven…"

A large crack encases the air behind me forcing me to look over my shoulder out of confusion. Instant nausea encases my body when I see Sanya folded in half, backwards. No longer able to keep it in, I feel the vomit shoot up my throat and out all over the ground in front of me. _Keep running… I can't do this anymore! I don't want to do with my life… No Sanya… No Ila… No Mom… No Dad… How will I live anymore?_

A flash of Jean runs through my mind and I feel tears start to well in my eyes. _I won't give up. I'll act just as arrogant as Jean. I'll live for him. I'll find him in wall Rose! _

I manage to be one of the last few people allowed on the ships that get to go to Wall Rose. People around me sob and scream at the loss of their families and homes. Me, however, I can only lean over the edge of the boat as I stare at all of the people being left behind. _What will they do? The gates are being closed so the titans can't breach the rest of the wall. Will they just travel to another district-?_

My thoughts are cut off when another loud explosion, similar to the one earlier comes from the wall. I snap my head towards the entrance of the gate to see a large cloud of smoke and dust. Right in the center is a large titan covered in plates with a giant hole in the wall behind it.

"No… Everybody…" I whisper with fear as I watch the left behind people start to scream and run as fast as they could away from the titans now entering wall Maria. "Wall Maria is done for…"

"I'll kill them all!" I hear somebody yell roughly, and I turn slightly to see a boy standing there, clutching the edge of the ship while crying. _He probably lost his entire family too…_

"Elsie?" I turn slowly to see Nathanael standing behind me, his mother sitting on the ground behind him.

"Nathanael… You made it…" I smile as heavy tears fill my eyes and start to spill over the edge. He quickly wraps me in a hug as tears also start to stream down his face. "Nobody made it… Sanya sacrificed herself so that I could leave… My sister was eaten right in front of me. I'm so glad you made it." I wrap my arms around his waist as Nathanael's mom covers her mouth with shock.

"I'm glad you are safe too… May Sanya rest in heaven along with everybody else who died today." Nathanael says and slowly releases me. "If anything, you can come live with my mom and I. We have friends in wall Rose, so it shouldn't be a problem."

"No… I have a new plan…" I mutter, wiping my eyes slowly. "I'm going to join the military."

"That's the stupidest thing I have ever heard!" Nathanael snaps while grabbing the color of my shirt. "If you go to the military, you'll end up just like your father-"I quickly bring my hand back and lash it out across his face. He recoils as I glare at him through entirely different eyes.

"What's so bad about ending up like my father? He died with honor. I don't want to end up dying like everybody in there. I want to die with a purpose, and that purpose will be joining the military so I can find out how to kill those bastards. I don't want anybody ever having to go through what I just went through ever again. I have nobody anymore Nathanael and I don't want anybody else. I want to be alone so it won't be painful when the people around me die. I'm glad you have somewhere to go in the wall, but I don't want to hide. Thank you for being friends with me since I moved here, but it's time I grow up."

"You are only twelve years old though… how can you grow up so quickly? I just don't understand you Elsie…" Nathanael sighs while holding his cheek.

"I can tell you didn't see any titans. I can see it in your face and your eyes that you have no idea what it looks like to watch somebody be eaten by a titan. You don't know what it feels to run for your life." I turn around and face the water, no longer wanting to be held in conversation with Nathanael. _This is the end of all relationships with everybody. I'm all alone. That's the way it should be, right?_

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**_This is an experimentation. Please let me know if you like it, or if I should just stop XD I mean, I already have 60,000 words, but I want to make sure people like it before I post anymore~_**


	2. Chapter 2

**Sorry about the issue from before. I reuploaded it, hope this works!**

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The sun blared down upon us as we all stared straight forward, our fists planted over our hearts, on the very first day of training. _This is what dad went through when he enlisted in the military. Only, we are different. Dad didn't know what Titan's could really do. I know what they can do and yet I'm still here. In the year I lived on the streets and then forced to farm for food, I matured completely. I understand what position I am in. I won't let those damned titans make anybody else miserable._

"You there!" A voice booms over all of us, causing a large majority of the cadets to jump out of their skin. _If they would have heard the sound when the colossal titan smashed the wall, they would have literally flown out of their shoes. Wait, I shouldn't be thinking about that right now…_

"I'm Armin Arlert from Shiganshina!" I snap my head towards the boy, not knowing the name but knowing the district. The second I lay eyes on him, I realized he had the same look as Nathanael when I first saw him last year. _He didn't see the true power of a titan, but he does know the pain of losing somebody. I need to stop spacing out… But it's impossible to do so when I'm going to be reminded about titans over and over again. _

"Trying to aid humanities victory!" _I missed even more… Maybe I just shouldn't pay attention until he comes yelling in my face. What could he possibly yell at me for to make me feel like shit? I've already lost everything. I can't be intimidated by a human when I was faced by a titan of all things._

"Thomas Wagner from Trost!" _He already moved on? Do I even want to pay attention? Looks like he is from Trost. At least Trost wasn't taken over by titans. I don't want to see everybody that I grew up with dead. No… I can't think about them. I completely cut ties with everybody, even from the people in my past._

"Wrong! You are from the pig shed, worth less than cattle!" I feel eyes on me and I dare look over to see men smiling and looking down upon us. Without giving a second thought, I snap my eyes towards the front. _I can't think about them._

The man walks past me and I expect him to stop, but he gives me one look and keeps walking. I don't bother questioning it, as I notice him walking past a few other people who have the 'look' like I do.

"Who are you?"

"I'm Jean Kirschstein, from Trost." My entire body numbs at those words. _Jean… That's my Jean! What is he doing here? I am supposed to be forgetting about everybody and cutting ties completely…There's no way I can do that with Jean here. Will he even remember me?_

A loud crack encases the area and I watch as Jean falls to the ground while holding his head. _He was probably honest… He always says things as it comes and it gets him in trouble._

"Anyone who can't handle this shouldn't be in the military police." _That seals the deal. I'm not going to be in the military police. I am going to be in the Scouting Regiment. I guess this is the better for the both of us. I should at least ask how he has been. _

The rest of the intimidation process goes by slowly, but I can only feel myself staring at the back of Jean's head. He stands there nursing a bump on his head, most likely a glare on his face. _He's such an idiot… He always has been an idiot. _I quickly look away when I realize that I am actually _staring _at him.

I jump when I hear something like somebody eating beside me. I barely turn my head to see a girl with red hair, _eating a potato. What the hell is this girl thinking!?_

Suddenly, Shadis is standing in front of her with the darkest and most confused expression I have ever seen.

"What are you doing?" Shadis asks as the girl looks around confused, as if she didn't comprehend what she was doing. "You're the one I'm talking to! You! Who are you?" _He's yelling. I'm getting a headache…._

The girl swallows the potato piece in her mouth and places the potato over her heart while she gains a serious expression.

"I am Sasha Braus from Dauper Village, Wall Rose South District!" She responds with a determination that I feel as if will be thrown right back in her face.

"Sasha Braus, what are you holding in your right hand?" He asks with a disturbing calm. _Just like the calm before the storm. Exactly like back then. It was silent for ten seconds exactly before the Titan broke down the wall._

"Why would you eat that potato?" _Crap! I keep spacing out! He is going to yell at me next! _Sasha grows a confused expression on her face.

"Are you asking me why people eat potatoes?" By now, everybody was staring at her with the most utterly shocked expression they could muster. I turn away from her and I see Jean with his head turned towards us. He stares at me for a few seconds before realization runs over his facial expression.

"You can have half…" Sasha mutters with defeat, as if that alone will satisfy Shadis.

"…Half." Is all he says as he takes the broken potato from Sasha. He looks down at the potato, then back up to Sasha's troubled face. Then she offers a weak smile to Shadis who is still in utter disbelief.

"He's still making potato girl run." I hear somebody say outside, but I was too focused on the plate of food in front of me. _Running and exercising is hard… But it will be worth it eventually… _I look around the empty table that I am sitting at. _Like I said no connections the better… _

"Is this table taken?" I hear somebody ask sarcastically above me and I look up to see Jean standing there awkwardly, a plate of food in his hands.

"Jean…" I whisper, my chest suddenly clutching tightly. _He hasn't changed from when I first saw him years ago. He still has his silver muffin top with gold eyes that are sharp and focused._

"It's been how many years Elsie?" he asks, inviting himself to sit down. Another boy sits down next to him that I don't remember from earlier.

"Far too many. How has Trost been since I left?" _Keep the small talk. I can't do anything too deep or else I might go back on my promise._

"The same of course. Hey, I didn't even notice you there. Why didn't Shadis yell at you?" Jean asks curiously as the boy with freckles starts to eat a potato. _Just like potato girl…_

"I don't know…" I admit, looking down at the tray of food. "You are the last person I expect to be joining the military though."

"Me? What about you? When we were younger, all you did was study those books. By the way, where did you move to? You never even had the chance to tell me." Jean asks while dipping his spoon into the bowl of porridge.

"I… I moved to Shiganshina…" I mutter and his spoon instantly drops to the bowl while freckle's potato drops from his hand. I stare down at the food in front of me, my appetite suddenly lost.

"That means… You were there? What about your family? Is everybody else all right?" Jean demands while leaning towards me, his expression completely baffled.

"No… I was the only one who made it out…" I whisper while clutching the spoon in my hand tightly. "It's okay though. I was able to make it here. I thought for sure I would die in the past year I was living on the street."

I look up to see a dark expression on Jean's face, and a frightened one on the boy with freckles. Jean looks down at his soup and covers his head.

"You went through all of that hell and I didn't even know about it… Here I believed you were living somewhere else in Wall Rose… I'm sorry. I'm so sorry that happened to you. Are you going to try joining the military police?" I actually find myself smiling at Jean's typical 'wanting to live the easy life' behavior.

"No. I'm going to join the Scouting Regiment." Jean actually jerks back, his expression filled with shock once again.

"After what you went through… Why would you go there? Why not try and spend a comfortable life where I am?" Jean demands with an irritated expression towards me. I actually find myself blushing slightly. _Where Jean is… _

Sudden flashes run through my mind with my sister being decapitated and with Sanya being folded in half. I drop my spoon and cover my mouth, the temptation to throw up very obvious.

"Are you alright?" The boy with the freckles asks as I quickly nod.

"Yea… I'm fine…" _I can't even be close to Jean… I won't have that happen to me again. Nobody can be close to me. Nobody. At least if I die, then I won't affect anybody. _"I need to go…"

"Don't leave yet! We haven't seen each other in years. I want to catch up a little." Jean states with crossed arms. I go to respond but I am interrupted when everybody suddenly fills the dining hall, all of them following a boy with expecting expressions.

"You were at Shiganshina?!"

"You saw the colossal titan?"

"What was it like?"

I roll my eyes at the nerve of these people. _Why would anybody want to answer those questions? I get sick to my stomach just thinking about it._

"What did it look like?" A girl asks and Jean and the boy both turn their heads to listen to the boy who was trying to eat his food.

"It barely had any skin, but a huge mouth." He explains and I just look away from him. _His eyes were different from the other ones though… It looked as if it knew exactly what it was doing. As if it was aware of itself. I wonder if it thinks like us humans do…_

"Then what's a normal titan like?" That voice gets to me and I can feel myself tensing. The pictures I had previously shoved to the back of my mind come flying into my head. Jean looks at me with a concerned look, but I simply ignore him. _Will they be able to handle what is coming to them?_

I hear a spoon drop and I watch as Eren covers his mouth with a disgusted look. _He saw what I saw too… He is imagining what I am imagining only with somebody else. How awful are those people to ask such questions?_

"I'm leaving." I suddenly state and push myself through the crowd of people who give me confused looks.

"I heard she is from Shiganshina too…" Somebody whispers, but I no longer want to hear any of it.

"The titans aren't all that tough…" I freeze at this ridiculous statement. I turn slowly and stare at the boy with dangerous eyes. _He's giving them false thoughts. _"If we can Master the Three-Dimensional Maneuver Gear, they won't stand a chance."

"I didn't see a single Stationary Guard with the Maneuvering Gear that stood up against the titans." I whisper to myself as I think back to that day. _Nobody stood up to face the titans because they were all too scared to do it, even the ones who 'perfected' the gear._

I look over to Jean to see that he is matching my expression while staring at Eren. _I really like that face though… It's concealed yet at the same time; you can tell that there is something there._

"I'm joining the Scouting Regiment so that I can wipe out all of the titans on this earth." _That's flat out ridiculous! _"I'll kill them all."

"Hey, are you nuts?" Jean suddenly asks and I actually smack my head. _Stupid Jean speaking his damned thoughts! _"Did you just say that you want to join the Scouting Regiment?"

"Yeah, I did." _Oh god, he is going to get his ass kicked if he keeps acting like this. Just because he comes from a rich fancy pretentious family, doesn't mean he can be a pretentious asshole. _"And you said you wanted to join the Military Police because it was the easy life, right?"

"I'm no liar." He states with a grin. "I'm a straight talker unlike somebody who pretends to have balls of steel, even when he is about to piss himself." _Dumb ass. Dumb ass. Dumb ass. _He looks over at me and I shake my head with a 'seriously?' look. The boy suddenly stands up with a dark expression and Jean directs his attention back to him.

"Are you talking about me?" He demands, a dangerous look to his dark green eyes. Jean only sighs and stands up with a faked smile.

"Hey, I didn't-"The bell rings, just as the two get into each other's face. I look to the door for a few seconds and realize that I am extremely exhausted. "Well, I'm sorry." Jean sighs and puts on his grin façade. "I didn't want to say you're doing the wrong thing. Peace?" He asks while sticking out his hand. I literally smack my head and leave out the door, no longer wanting to see this.

I lean over the edge and stare at the ground, just as the boy from earlier walks out right behind me.

"You know… Telling them that the Titans aren't that strong… You are giving them false hope." I tell him and he stops mid step. He looks to me and I look back with my hand extended.

"My name is El. I was also there when the Colossal titan took over Shiganshina." I introduce and he gives me a shocked expression. He slowly takes my hand and shakes it.

"My name is Eren. But in all honestly, I really don't think they are strong. I think it is more of a keep your head in the game thing. If they can do this without getting scared, killing them all wouldn't be a problem."

"But they can't help but get scared. They don't even know what it looks like… They don't know what it feels like to run for your life… Or to lose somebody close to you. The way you made it sound was as if they just walk around while everybody gets to run to safety." I state and turn away from him. "I am sure they will get a wakeup call if they do come face to face with a titan."

A girl comes out and Eren walks away with her, telling her about she should cut her hair. Not a second later, Jean comes out and leans against the railing beside me.

"You haven't cut your hair once." Jean says, actually grabbing a lock and picking it up between his pale fingers.

"You always told me you liked it long. I wanted to at least keep one memory of Trost." I sigh as I stare out into the darkness.

"I'm glad you kept it long… Do you… Want to go on a walk before sleep time?" Jean asks nervously and I feel a blush creeping up my face. _We would always go on walks at night at Trost… Why not relive the memories?_

"Why didn't you tell me you were leaving?" Was the first question Jean asked me as we started to walk through the woods, in the dark, alone.

"I didn't know I was leaving. The same day that we learned my father had died, they had us packing and moving our things out of the house. They wouldn't let me say good bye to you or anybody else there." I explain, remembering how I had fought against two military men who tried to keep me restrained when I started to run towards Jean's house.

"If I would have known that you couldn't afford your house, I would have persuaded my mom to let your family live with us, at least until your mother could get another job so she could afford a new house." Jean sighs but I only laugh.

"There just wasn't another way. My mom didn't have any sort of income and I was too young to get a job or join the military. Well, the military never occurred to me until after the fall of Shiganshina. At that point, I really didn't have a choice. Which reminds me… I didn't see you as the type of joining the military. You like the easy life too much." I state as Jean only grins at me.

"I'm going to be joining the military police so that I have protection from the titans. That's the real reason I had you walk with me… I want to persuade you to join the military police with me. When you told me about how you moved Shiganshina, all I could think about is how you could have died and I would have never known. If you join the Scouting Regiment, then I will constantly be worrying whether you are alive or not. I finally get to see you again and if you run off to join the Scouting Regiment, then we will never see each other again. I don't want that to happen again." Jean states, stopping in the middle of the path as I stare straight ahead of me.

"Jean… I can't get close with you… We can't have the relationship we had when we were younger…" I finally tell him, though my heart felt as if it was swelling. _No connections… none…. _"I want you to do the Military Police. I want you to be safe. However, I don't want the same for me. I won't sit back and let those damned titans kill even more people. Every person they murder, an entire family and their friends suffer… I don't want that to happen to anybody else. I don't want any more broken promises."

I am suddenly grabbed and turned around, my face pressed tightly into Jean's chest. I stand there frozen in the moment. _ I haven't hugged Jean since so many years ago. _

"And if you die, I will be hurt." I can feel tears well in my eyes as I stand there stiffly, not sure how I feel about the way Jean is holding me so closely. _I can't give in… I can't… _"I'm sorry that you lost your family and friends in Shiganshina, but I'm still here damn it. Just because we haven't seen each other in almost four years, that doesn't mean you still aren't one of the closest people to me. Please Elsie… Please rethink your decision…"


	3. Chapter 3

**Well I guess people liked it enough, so I will continue posting on FF!**

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"Damn… I never expected that bastard Jean with stick stuck up his ass to have this side of him too." Eren states as him, Mikasa, Armin, Reiner, Marco, and Bertolt all spy on the two 'friends'.

"Why are we spying on them again?" Armin whispers, moving away with tired and bleary eyes. Reiner shrugs with an amused glance.

"Well Bertolt said he saw the two of them walking off together, so we thought it would be interesting to see what the relationship between them was. I saw her staring at Jean when Potato girl was getting yelled at. Then Jean stared back at her once he realized who she was. I wanted to see if there was a love interest." Reiner explains as the two part, Jean's face red while Elsie's is dark and upset. "Looks like there is going to be a lot of conflict though."

"I don't see it working out. He wants to be in the military police, but she wants to be a part of the Scouting Regiment. She has seen things that he hasn't, but he doesn't seem to understand that. I'm going back. What a waste of my time." Eren sighs, turning around and leaving nonchalantly.

"I don't know… I think there is something there. It might take a little bit of a push and shove thing though. But like Eren said, it won't work out if they go to different branches." Armin points out, and Reiner grins.

"We should make bets. We can get the entire training squad in on it too. It'll be sort of like a tension reliever while we are here." Reiner suddenly declares and everybody gives him disbelieving looks.

"I guess I will bet on them ending up together. They sounded pretty close at dinner." Marco puts in and everybody sighs with defeat.

"If we are actually going to do this, then I'm betting that they hook up." Bertolt offers as Reiner grins.

"I think so too." Armin adds, but Mikasa shakes her head.

"I don't and neither does Eren." Mikasa says, and then starts off to where Eren went. _Betting on a relationship is both ridiculous and foolish._

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Jean pulls away slightly, and I just want to bawl and cry my heart out, but I wouldn't dare do it at such a place where I am supposed to be becoming stronger.

"S-Sorry for suddenly hugging you… It's just… I don't like seeing you sad… When we were younger, you had so much life to you… Then when I saw you in the line… You had changed…" I stare at the ground, not daring to make any sign that I was on the verge of tears.

"It's not every day you watch your sister get eaten by a titan, and then your best friend whom you promised you would protect… I wouldn't be here today if it wasn't for her… That's the only thing that keeps me going in all honestly. I won't waste the life Sanya gave to me because I was weak… that's why I don't want to be close to you… I honestly don't know what I would do if I lost you too and I don't want you to feel the way I feel about Sanya."

"Then join the military police! Then we can both be safe!" he begs, grabbing my hands as if that will help my decision.

"I just want to go to sleep…" I whisper, looking up at Jean with wet eyes. He looks taken back for a moment, before he nods with defeat.

"I'm not dying and you aren't either, Elsie. I will make that clear right now." Jean states and I actually let out a small laugh.

"Same arrogant behavior Jean. By the way, I don't want to be called Elsie anymore. It's El." I tell him but he only scoffs.

"No way am I calling you that. Everybody else can call you that, but you are staying Elsie. No matter how childish it sounds." I glare at him as he actually starts to laugh. _It's not a heavy feeling anymore. I'm glad. I prefer it to be light like it used to be, when we didn't have a care in this world._

"I don't want people making fun of me for having such a childish and girly name. It's bad enough I have this super long hair because of you." I flip the black hair as Jean gives it a calculating look.

"Put it in a bun. A bun would look nice on you." _I've never actually put my hair up… I've always worn it down… It covers the shame written all over my face. _"No more hiding behind your hair!"

"Right…" I whisper as we finally reach the opening that leads us to our separate bed areas. "Good night Jean. See you tomorrow." I wave him good bye as he waves back at me. Once I enter the room, most of the girls are already in their pajamas and passed out on top of their beds.

"You shouldn't give him false hope you know." A girl that I saw with Eren tells me, a serious expression on her face. I turn a bright red, and then my face drops.

"I know…"

* * *

"All right! Today is the day we see what natural skills you possess! If you can't even do this, then you won't even serve as a decoy! They will be sent to the frontier." I hang effortlessly in the air, only feeling slightly unbalanced. I look over to see Jean concentrating as hard as he could not to fall over. He looks up to me for a brief moment and notices that I am just sitting there without any problems.

I actually flash him one of his own smug smirks that he rolls his eyes to. Suddenly, everybody shifts their eyes to the person at the end of the row. I lean over to see Eren, flipped over with an overly shocked look on his face. Jean actually looks victorious and makes sure that Eren sees his boastful grin.

"What are you doing Eren Jaeger?!" Shadis yells while kneeling down. "Pick yourself up!" People start snickering at Eren who was talking all big yesterday, only to give this performance.

They finally let me down and I walk to the back, ignoring the people staring at me while whispering to each other. _What are they talking about? Why do they keep staring?_

"You know, I get the distinct impression that a lot of people have been staring at me." Jean whispers as he stands beside me. "It isn't really bothering me as much since I just got to see the greatest thing ever. Jaeger failing, what a charm."

"They have been doing the same thing to me. Maybe that's just a feeling that everybody get's when they start to get used to training." I suggest, and then roll my eyes at his last statement. "No need to be an ass. It was you, who on the first day of initiation, ended up on the ground because of your smart-ass honesty."

"Why you…" Jean growls as I start to chuckle helplessly.

Once everybody finished with the testing of the gear and being graded, Shadis had us running for maybe an hour. Finally, we reach dinner time, my new favorite time of the day. Once I enter though, I feel a heavy tension in the air. I turn and notice that everybody is whispering and staring at Eren who looks absolutely dumbstruck a large white bandage around his head.

"Isn't that the kid from yesterday who said he would kill all the titans?" One man asks and I let out a sigh. _I saw this coming for him. He would talk big shit and then when he didn't live up to it, he would end up getting bullied. _"Well, I bet he ends up in the frontier tomorrow."

"We don't have enough food to feed worthless rejects." _Ouch. I'm glad that I didn't screw up on the hanging in mid air thing._

"He shouldn't have talked big yesterday. He wouldn't end up in the position he is in now." Jean says as I sit down next to him.

"I actually agree with you there. Try not to start shit with him though, Jean. He has to be going through a hard time." I scold but he only rolls his eyes.

"He should know what to expect once he enlisted in the military." Jean argues and this time, I roll my eyes at him.

"Good point, but still. What if he tries to kick your ass? He seems like the kind to work on impulse, not thought." Jean only shrugs his shoulders.

"Then I'll fight back. It's not like I'm any weaker than he is just because I wasn't there at Shiganshina." I take a few bites of my food as I watch the people around me, some of them actually looking over towards us.

"Did you hear about the bet?" Somebody whispers and I'm all ears, that is, until the bell rings loudly.

"Hey, Jean, Marco… Do you guys know anything about a bet?" I ask once we leave the enclosed space. Marco looks away nervously as Jean shakes his head with confusion.

"I thought I heard something about that, but I don't know what it is either. It doesn't really matter to me though. If people want to waste their times on useless things like betting while we are trying to be serious, then let them. Good night Elsie."

"Good night Jean. Good night Marco."

"Good night El!"

* * *

_"Jean, what are you doing here?" I hear my voice ask in a complete darkness. Slowly, atom by atom, a scene starts to appear around me. I'm back at home in Trost, in my room with the current day Jean standing in front of me._

_"Elsie… I can't deny my feelings anymore… The reason I want you to join the military police is because I love you. I have loved you since the day we first met." He says and I can feel my face turning bright red as my body explodes with heat._

_"J-Jean! What kind of confession is that? I don't know what to say." I admit while holding my heavy blushing face. Jean warmly smiles at me and takes a step towards me, just as a loud thunder like noise encases the entire house. I jerk back, just as the ceiling to my house is ripped off._

_There, standing above us, is the same titan that had murdered my sister and Sanya. _

_"Jean!" I scream, wanting to run to him to protect him from the monster above us, but my body is frozen to the spot. "Run! I can't move!" Jean only stares up at the beast, just as paralyzed as I am. The titan smiles and reaches inside of the house and plucks Jean from the spot he was standing at._

_"No! Not him! Anybody but him!" I beg, tears streaming down my face. I watch in horror as the titan hangs the screaming and struggling Jean upside down._

_"Help me! Please help me Elsie!" Jean begs as his tears fall from his eyes and drops onto his face._

_"I can't! I can't move! I'm sorry." I sob hysterically, my entire body dropping to the ground as if a sudden weight had been pressed down upon it. The titan throws Jean up into the air above its face and leans it's head upwards, just so that it could catch Jean in its mouth like popcorn._

_My loud shrill scream over comes the crack coming from the titan as it chomps into the bones of my last friend._

* * *

"Wake up damn it! Elsie! Wake up!" I snap out of the bed with a shocked gasp to see every girl in the room staring at me with fright. I look around quickly but my face is instantly grabbed by two soft hands. I jerk back away from the hands but they follow me.

When I finally manage to get my vision to clear up, I see Jean sitting half way on my bed with an overly shocked expression on his face.

"J-Jean?" I whisper hoarsely. "Oh god… it was only a nightmare…"

"Let's go for a walk. I'm sorry that she woke you girls up…" Jean apologizes to everybody who is still staring at me with such a fear filled expression that it even begins to frighten me. Jean drags my numb body out of the cabin and down towards the woods that we were in earlier.

"What… Happened?" I ask hesitantly, still trying to get the tears to stop flooding down my face.

"I get woken up at three in the morning by Mikasa Ackerman who tells me that you just randomly started screaming and that she couldn't wake you up. She also said that was the first time you have actually shown signs of a nightmare, so I know it wasn't because of Shiganshina." I rub my eyes a few times, trying to get all of the wetness out of them.

"It… It was in Trost…" I whisper quietly as Jean looks back at me with dark eyes. "I was back in my old house and…" My face turns a bright red at what Jean had said to me, even if it was just a dream. _There's no way that was real… Stop getting all flustered! I just won't say that part… _"You were there too…"

"What happened?" He asks with an unreadable expression. _I just want to touch him to make sure that it is really him in front of me… It was just so realistic. It won't happen though, as long as Jean stays in the Military Police._

"Just… Stay in the Military Police…" I mutter, and then take a deep inhale of the warm night air around me.

"What? Tell me what the dream was about!" Jean demands but I turn away from him.

"You don't want to know." He 'tsks' and then turns away with an irritated expression. "And it did have to do with the attack on Shiganshina." Realization washes over Jean's face, even underneath the light colors of the moon.

"Oh… Are you… Okay to go back to sleep?" Jean asks nervously and I just nod, knowing exactly what he must be thinking. I reach over and touch my hand to his face. _Just making sure. _He turns bright red, just as I turn around and leave. _He's still there… He isn't going to die… I won't allow it. I'm sorry that you died Sanya. I won't make the same mistake with Jean._

Jean doesn't follow me, but stays where he is. _If I have any problems, I'll just not sleep unless I have free time during the day. I can use the nights to train. That sounds like a plan._

* * *

Jean watches her leave and then slams his fist against a nearby tree, a disturbed expression on his face. _She never tells me straight. Never did in the past, and still won't… Even when I know things are wrong… Damn it Mikasa! Why did you go straight for me?_

* * *

A loud shrill scream suddenly encases the cabin, causing all of the girls to jerk out of their beds. It takes everybody in the room a few seconds to realize that it was in fact from one of their own making the screaming noise.

"Somebody wake her up!" Mina Carolina gasps, covering her eyes with a frightened expression on her pale face. Mikasa vaults out of her bed and walks over to the bed occupying the screaming and crying girl.

"Hey! Wake up!" Mikasa snaps loudly, grabbing the squirming girl's shoulders, tears rolling down her face.

"Not him too… Don't take Jean from me!" She begs and Mikasa pulls away with her eyebrows creased and a sad tint to her grey eyes.

"I will be right back. Try to wake her up while I'm gone." Mikasa orders to Mina who nods with a determined expression.

Mikasa walks out into the night all the way to the boy's cabin where she knows Eren, Armin, and Jean are at. She opens the door, walks around until she finds Jean, and tugs off the blanket.

"Hey, wake up." Mikasa states loudly, waking up a few other boys who become confused out of their minds. Jean groans slightly and glares at her through lidded eyes.

"What do you want? Leave me alone." Jean demands, trying to take back his blanket.

"Elsie is in there screaming her lungs out from a nightmare and apparently it has to do with you. Nobody can wake her up so get in there and wake her up so we can go back to sleep." Mikasa orders as Eren sits up and gives her a concerned look.

"Damn it!" Jean gasps and literally throws himself out of the bed and out the door. After a moment of silence, somebody speaks up.

"Can I change my bet?" Connie asks with a grin.


	4. Chapter 4

**I'll probably do daily updates until I reach the point where I have to type again. Then it might become weekly, with the exception of every other day!**

* * *

I end up skipping breakfast out of embarrassment. I woke up this morning to the girls in my cabin staring at me warily or even glaring at me. Instead of breakfast, I end up hiding behind my cabin with my knees drawn up to my chest.

"Is it better if everybody here hates me?" I wonder out loud while tracing my finger in the dirt. I hear footsteps sounding beside me and I look up to see a girl I don't recognize.

"You gave us quite a scare last night." She smiles while sitting down beside me. "My name is Mina Carolina by the way. I sleep on the bed connected to yours, but we haven't really had the chance to talk."

"My name is El. I'm really sorry about last night. I usually don't have nightmares, so I don't know what triggered the one last night…"

"It's okay, don't worry about it. I heard you came from Shiganshina though…" She mumbles the last part and I give her a sympathetic look.

"It wasn't so much the Shiganshina being attacked part that caused the nightmare last night. It was more of the fact that I had lost everybody close to me in mere minutes. Then when I came here, I saw Jean, a childhood friend of mine, and I became scared that I would lose him and I would be too scared to stop them… I'm just glad he is joining the military police where he will be safe." I admit, while playing a piece of black hair. "Um, do you have an extra hair tie on you?"

"Yes! Here you go!" She hands me a black rubber band and I start working on my hair. _A bun would look nice on you. _Mina watches with curiosity as I pull my thick black hair back into one large and tight bun placed at the top of my head. "That looks really good on you."

"Thanks… Maybe I should have eaten after all." I sigh after a long growl emits from my stomach. A chuckle comes from around the corner of the building that I immediately recognize.

"Good thing I snagged some extras, huh?" Jean asks while tossing me a loaf of bread. I catch it easily as Mina jumps up with a grin on her face.

"I am going to go finish mine! I didn't get the chance." Then she disappears around the corner, leaving Jean and I alone.

"Why did you skip breakfast?" He scolds as I start to nibble on the end of the somewhat stale bread.

"I wasn't hungry." Was the first lie I tried as I begin to yawn loudly. He looks at me suspiciously and then leans down to grab my chin. I allow him to lift my head so that he may investigate my face.

"You didn't sleep when you got back, did you?" I push his hand away as I look back down at the bread in my hand. Jean lets out a loud sigh and drops down beside me, literally pressed against me. "We have an hour. Go ahead and sleep on my shoulder." I immediately begin to shake my head, but Jean stiffly puts his arm around my neck and pulls me against him. "I wasn't asking."

I slide my eyes up slightly to see him facing away from me with a bright red face. _He's nervous to let me sleep on his shoulder? It wasn't so much of a big deal when we were younger… _Slowly, I can feel my eyes becoming heavier and heavier until eventually, I slide into the darkness of luckily a dreamless sleep.

* * *

"Elsie… Wake up. We have to go." I hear a voice break through my calm darkness, one that is already annoying me.

"Shut up… Give me five more minutes…" I mutter as I dig deeper into the warmth. The bed below me stiffens slightly, and I realize that I am not on a bed at all. I open my eyes slowly to see Jean's face above me, his face just like I had left it. "Why are you so tall?"

"Because you are on my lap." He answers swiftly and once that statement really sinks in, I jerk upwards with my hand covering my mouth. "Do you feel any better?" _Actually… I feel refreshed. Best sleep I've had in a while… Maybe it was because I had somebody close with me._

"Ya. What are we doing for training today?" I yawn while rubbing my already heavy eyes. Jean ends up smirking as he stands up.

"We get to see if Eren makes it or not. Come on, let's go line up." Jean says while extending his hand towards me. I take his hand in mine and allow him to pull me up, even if my legs wobble slightly. Once we all are surrounding Eren who is standing nervously in the middle of the pully, Shadis confronts the boy.

"Are you ready Jaeger?" Shadis demands and Eren nods sharply. Shadis investigates his face for a seconds before his loud voice booms over everybody else. "Begin." I push down on Jeans head, trying to see over his now annoying muffin top.

"Stop it!"

"I can't see!"

"I'll tell you what happens." I sit back with a frustrated sigh as I watch everybody around Eren, everybody with the same expression of intense concentration. Suddenly, everybody is cheering loudly and I immediately suspect that is completely upright. Then the cheers are cut off and sharp gasps run over the crowd.

"Called it." Jean states and I smack him on the back of the head.

"Put him down." Shadis orders and I can almost feel Shadis beginning to scream and yell at him that he isn't worth cow shit. "Wagner, change belts with Jaeger." _What? _A few seconds later and Jean 'tsks' loudly. "Your equipment was defective. The fitting on your belt was damaged. I've never heard of this part getting damaged before. I'll have to add it to the maintenance check list."

"So, he was able to stay upright for a bit, even with a broken belt?" Somebody whispers and I smirk up to the cocky Jean who is already irritated.

"I did it! I really did it!" Eren yells with excitement and I actually find myself yawning again. _I'm so tired… One hour sleep doesn't make up for it… So sleepy…_

"Alright soldiers! We are going to be putting on the 3D Maneuvering Gear today, so go get the gas cans for your belts!" _So sleepy…_

"Are you okay?" Jean asks concerned when he turns around to face me.

"What time is it? Why are you getting darker?" I mumble as I start to rub my eyes. Jean grabs my shoulders and starts to shake me, but I barely feel it.

"Hey! She's going unconscious!" Jean yells to nobody particular as people start to turn around and stare at us. "You are burning up Elsie. Damn it, are you sick?" _Am I sick? _My legs suddenly give out on me and luckily Jean is there to catch me, my face pressed into his chest, his arms around my waist.

"It must be lack of sleep with over exertion. Put her in her room and she should be fine tomorrow. It happens to soldiers all the time." Shadis orders Jean and he nods as I struggle to keep my eyes open. "Koehler! Get some sleep tonight and early tomorrow, I expect you at the edge of the woods with me to make up what you miss tonight." _No! I will not be behind!_

"I'm fine sir." I state while pushing Jean away from me. People give me baffled looks as Shadis glares at me.

"You are not fine. You are about to crumble under your own weight. Go sleep and make it up tomorrow, now!"

"With all due respect sir, I am perfectly capable of doing it now. Real titans won't allow me to sleep it off before they attack. Let me do this now! Please!" I beg as my vision slowly starts to focus back into shape.

"Elsie! Stop being stubborn and-"

"Fine. You may participate with everybody else. Let's go soldiers!" Everybody gives me one last respectful look while Jean glares at me.

"You are being an idiot. You are obviously sick and you need to sleep it off, not press yourself further until you really pass out." Jean scolds as I start walking with everybody else.

"I won't pass out. I'll make it to dinner just fine. I'll skip dinner and sleep longer, okay? Besides, I'm aiming for the top ten just like you. I don't want him looking down upon me because I get a little tired." I try to grin at him, but he can immediately see through my façade.

"I'll be right behind you." Jean states and I just nod. _Just don't get in my way of being in the top ten. I want to make everybody in heaven proud. I know that's one less person to join the military police, but I don't want to be stuck in the back._

"All right! You know how to use the gear! Once you to reach one end of the forest, you need to fuel up with the supply team down there, and come back!" Shadis yells at us as we all stare up at the giant trees. "This isn't a race. This is just practice so do not be reckless. You run out of gas and you are walking the rest of the way plus that's points down on you."

"Stay strong El!" Mina whispers beside me as I flash a determined grin.

"Strong is my middle name."

"Go!" I aim two of the grapple hooks at the top of a tree about 10 meters away and then tighten my hands on the handles, jumping up into the air to help propel myself higher into the air.

_"Though the 3D Maneuvering Gear may seem simple to the eye, it is actually a complex gear that allows humans to fight tightens based on a 3D axis instead of 2D. This powerful mechanism requires great strength in your body and mind as well as balance and skill. There are four key components to the 3DMG. _ _The large metal part of the 3DMG is the main body which holds the wires to the grapple hooks. The black box is the Operating Device is the functioning part that holds everything together. The gas compressed in the body of the compressed gas cylinder. Finally, the gas is pushed through the fan section, the entire reason your body is thrown into the air."_

"This is fun!" I find myself yelling to Jean who attached himself to the tree next to me. _I need to swing my body around and attach to another tree. Maybe try a flip or something? Just a practice. I need to find a style that's right for me._

I retract the hooks at last second and use my force to run up the tree, flip myself over, and shoot the grapple at another tree in a completely different direction. Jean rolls his eyes at my show off behavior while Mina cheers me on. _It's like I'm not even tired anymore. I feel like I have wings, wings of freedom. This feels so natural to me. I want to go higher! Even higher!_

I shoot the grapple hooks at a high point of the tree as my body starts to lose elevation. My feet barely scrape across the ground before I am launched into the air, my hooks retracting as they are no longer needed. _Higher. I want to be higher than the sky. I want to see a whole new world. _Finally I break through the tree tops to see the entire valley and lake all the way until the edge of the wall. _I don't' want that to be there anymore. I want to see past the walls. I want everybody to see past those walls and the only thing standing in my way are the titans. I will take them down so the world will be a better place._


	5. Chapter 5

_Year 850, 3 Years Later_

The rain poured heavily down upon us and the only thing protecting our bodies is the green cape wrapped around each of us.

"You are all slow! Run you worthless shit heads!" Shadis screams at us as Jean and I run side by side, both of us looking straight forward, a bag on both of our backs. "What's wrong Arlert?" _He's falling behind again? _"You are falling behind again! Is it too hard for you? Do you want to be the only one who puts down his equipment?"

"He's getting yelled at again." I whisper to Jean who shakes his head.

"Can't handle the heat, you just try harder. If he can't keep trying, then it isn't for him." Jean tells me as I sort of nod. _My hair has grown even longer in the past year, and of course I have grown as a person. I don't let nightmares bother me anymore. I have made friends against my will, my closest ones being Mina, Jean, and Marco. Out of everybody in our class, I am pretty sure I have been accepted into the top ten as I excel in the 3DMG along with my studies. This is the real test though. This will decide if I make it to the top ten or not._

"You better make it to the top ten Kirschstein. You too Marco! You both want to be in the military police, so you have to pass this test well." I turn around to make sure that Marco hears me too. He smiles at me brightly, his freckles almost glowing in the rain.

"You are still considering the Scouting Regiment, aren't you?" Jean demands and I only smile at him with a sad look to my eyes.

"My goals have changed though. I am joining for a completely different reason now. I wanted to join before based completely on wanting to kill them and make sure nobody goes through what I did. That was too selfish of me. Now though, I want to kill them all so that I can see the world outside of the walls. I want to me and everybody around me to see the beautiful world beyond those large walls that trap us inside." Jean gives me a surprised look as I direct my attention forward. "Plus, I want to make it in the top five, so that means I have to beat you!"

Suddenly, the rain stops and the sun starts to break through the trees, revealing many large and dark titan outlines everywhere. Jean shoots for the one that Annie and Bertolt are aiming for while I go for one in the distance. _Found one! _I notice Jean right behind me aiming for a titan on the other side, with Connie right behind him.

_Now! _ I aim my grappler hook at the neck of the titan and use my entire body momentum to throw myself towards the titan. _Strike! _I whip out the blades as I retract the hooks. _Slice! _The blades slice cleanly through the thick skin like fabric, throwing my body right back up into the air from the force. I turn sharply to the left and notice another one moving around quickly. _Slide by instead of going for the top. Wait, there are two! Aim for the tree on the right side of the first one, cut the first one, bounce off of the tree towards the second one, attach to another tree, and then make a low curve to trail back on a different path._

My plan goes perfectly to plan and I even manage to cut to the bottom on both of the phony titans.

"Yes!" I gasp with excitement, just as I come next to Jean who looks irritated to the max. "What's the matter with you?"

"I keep getting cheated out of my titans!" He yells over the wind pressure and I find myself smirking at his selfish behavior.

"They are everybody's titans! You can get revenge later when we start hand to hand combat. I'm at a three kill count! My bouncing off of trees seriously helps a lot. Just got to be faster Jean!" I wink at him as he bares his teeth.

_"Elsie Koehler. Weak when it comes to hand to hand combat but shows great skills with the 3D Maneuvering Gear."_

* * *

"El! Do you want to practice with me?" Mina asks once we reach the training grounds. Shadis hands me a wooden knife and then explains to everybody that the goal is to get the knife away from your partner.

"Sure! Feel free to use as much power as you want. I'm fine with a little damage." I assure her when she takes the knife from my hand.

"Right! I will not hold back!" Mina declares as she runs at me, her brown eyes flaring with excitement as her black hair bounces behind her. _Just like I'm using the 3DMG, slide across the ground and attack from the side, bottom, or top! _Just as the knife comes a breath close to my face, I drop the ground, slide around her body like a snake, wrap my legs around hers, and then flip both of us onto the ground.

She lets out a surprised gasp when she hits the ground, but I quickly set my hand on the back of her head to make sure she isn't hurt. After a few seconds, she sits up and rubs her back with a pain filled expression.

"You move like a jellyfish! Or maybe, like a snake or something." Mina praises as I wave the knife in front of her.

"Good job Koehler! Switch positions!" Shadis yells at us and I help Mina onto her feet.

"Now I get to put you down!" She laughs as she holds up her hands in a fighting position. I flip the knife carefully in my hands and then point it at her. I push off of my back foot and dive at her, only for her to jump to the side and shove her fist forward. A flash of white flashes behind my vision until it fades to black.

_"Elsie? Can you hear me? It's Sanya. I wanted to let you know I'm glad you moved on. I would have been sad if you would have still been sad for me. I'm happy up in heaven with mom, dad, and even your family too. Your mom says she loves you and your sister thanks you for running instead of dawdling on her death. I don't see your dad though, but I see you are reunited with your old friend and possibly future boyfriend. I am also glad you made close friends with Mina and Marco. I was sad when you shut yourself away from making friends. It looks like that is all the time I have! Wake up and fight on Elsie! We all love you!"_

"El! Wake up! Are you okay! I'm sorry!" I hear Mina's voice as the world around me starts to take shape. When I finally manage to clear my vision, I notice that mostly everybody is staring at me and Jean, Marco, and Mina are surrounding me. Jean leans down and brushes his fingers across my face gently and when he pulls his hand back, I notice that his fingers are wet. "I'm really, really, really sorry El! I didn't mean to punch you that hard!"

"Sanya… It was really her…" I mumble, as more tears start to stream down my face. Not tears or pain, or fury, or even sadness; just relief. "Thank you… Thank you so much…" I grab Mina and hug her tightly as she looks confused for a moment but accepts the hug. "By the way, you pack quite the punch. I'll make sure to be wary of you in dark alley ways."

"Somebody help her to the medical office." Shadis orders and this time, I don't argue to go on. _I really just want to rest in peace for a few minutes. It would be nice if I was helped by-_

"I'll take her." Jean offers immediately, already on his knees in front of me. I drape my arms over his shoulders and he grabs my hands to make sure I stay on.

"Ten minutes Kirschstein and you better be back!" Shadis yells at Jean who secretly rolls his eyes. I drop my head onto his shoulder as I replay the message in my head over and over again. _It may seem like a dream, but somewhere deep inside of me says it's real. But what did she mean when she said dad wasn't up there? Did he not go to heaven or is he not dead? It doesn't matter… I'm too tired to even think about it._

"Thanks for carrying me…" I yawn, not even slightly embarrassed that his hands are under my thighs. "And I killed more titans than you did."

"They weren't real and I don't plan on ever challenging you to the real deal." He states as we finally reach the medical building. "Now stay in here and I will bring you dinner later okay?"

"If I'm awake." I murmur as Jean drops me onto the bed. I instantly grab the pillow and hug it close to my body. "If I'm sleeping, just leave the food there."

"Alright, alright." Jean waves to me good bye before exiting out of the room, leaving me alone to my own thoughts. Luckily, I didn't have to listen to them as I was already slipping into sleep.

* * *

Jean stalked out of the cabin, embarrassed and suffering from a headache from what Dick Jaeger had done to him. _That bastard! I will seriously get back at him. How dare he question how much of a soldier I am! _

Jean clutches the loaf of bread closer to his body, making sure that nobody could see it. _She should already have water there, right?_

After crossing the large training area to the small medical shed, Jean of course finds Elise fast asleep, all of her blankets wrapped up into a blob and wrapped into her arms. Jean actually finds himself smiling and wiping away a small line of drool. She winces and then starts to wrap her body even tighter around the blankets.

"No matter who turns against me here… I will always have you, right?" Jean asks quietly, slowly brushing his fingers through the beautiful black hair sprawled around her. "If only you would go to the military police with me… Then I could really act on my feelings, but there's no point if I won't be able to see you again. Maybe I'll find you again, because I know you will live. You are too strong to die, right?" Jean tenses when he hears the bell ring, the one signaling to go to sleep. "This is probably the only chance I will ever get to do this… Sorry for taking advantage of you like this, Elise…"

Jean slowly leans forward and presses his lips softly against her soft and pale ones. They were just as Jean had imagined in the past two years, absolutely perfect. It took Jean a second to realize what he had just did, and he jerked back like he had been struck by lightning. _No way… There's no way I just did that… That really means that I have feelings for her. Damn it!_

"Jean? What are you doing in here?" A soft raspy voice heavy with sleep asks below the flustered boy.

"I-I brought food and-"Jean turned to look at her and his voice immediately caught in his throat. There she was, the girl he had just _kissed_, sitting half way up, the first buttons of her shirt undone, her hair messy and sticking out, and her eyes half lidded.

* * *

"-and?" I ask, giving him a confused look when I notice how red his face is. "Are you sick too? It looks like you are running a fever." I lean forward and press my hand against his forehead which flares under my touch.

"I have to go!" He gasps, and dashes out of the room, leaving me alone and confused. I see some bread on the table and I instantly gobble it up.

"Sanya, since I know you can hear me, why don't you listen to me just for a little bit? I heard what you said, I think. I know I was selfishly hanging on to the last memory I have of you out of self pity because I broke a promise with your parents, but I realize now I shouldn't base my life around you, or my family, or your family. I should base it around myself, and maybe allow a few other people to affect my life choices. I still want to join the Scouting Regiment, but for my own reasons now. I love you Sanya, mom, Isa, and your parents. Good night and thank you everybody. I promise to be strong mentally and physically."


	6. Chapter 6

_Training went on as graduation grew near. At first, Jean was dodging me and being completely weird, but eventually he went back to his own self. I practically feel like sisters when it comes to Mina, and Marco has also become close. I am going to miss Jean the most when he joins the military police and Mina is talking about being a part of the Stationary Guard._

_Finally, graduation day arrived upon the 104__th__ Trainee's. The trainee who held first place was Mikasa Ackerman. Second place was Reiner Braun. Third place, Bertolt Hoover. From there was Annie Leonhart, Eren Jaeger, Me, Jean Kirschstein, Marco Bolt, Connie Springer, and Sasha Braus._

"Hands upon your heart!"

"Yes, sir!" We all yell, our fists slammed respectively over our heart in an act of honor and loyalty.

"For you trainee's graduating today, three paths open before you! You can be stationed at the walls and defend the cities as part of the Stationary Guard! You can put your lives on the line to fight titans in their own territories as a member of the Scouting Regiment. And finally, you can work directly for the king by controlling the crowds and protecting order as members of the Military Police Brigade! Of course, only ten people with the top ten scores we announced earlier are allowed to join the military police!"

I want to cry with joy, realizing that I got the sixth best score out of the entire squadron. I look over to Jean who looks irritated by the fact he didn't get a higher position then his nemesis, Eren.

"You are all released to do as you please for the night!" There is a moment of silence before everybody begins cheering. I instantly dive at Jean and Marco to wrap them in excited hugs.

"Congratulations you two! You can make it into the military police!" I declare, making sure I tighten my arm around their necks for emphasis. Marco wraps his arm around my waist with a relieved sigh as Jean hesitates slightly, then wraps his arm around me too.

"El!" I hear Mina declare and I turn to see her running at me with an excited expression on her face. I pull away from the boys so that I can hug my closest female friend I will probably have for the rest of my life. "Congratulations! As a top ten, you can join the military police if you decide to change your mind!"

"If only huh? It's okay though. When I come back from missions, I can stop by to see all of you without a single worry."

"There's a party in the tavern for all of the graduates! Come on guys!" Somebody yells and I instantly grab Mina's and Jean's hands.

"Come on. Let's go party after all of the work we put in over the past few years."

* * *

"I did it! I finally made it to the military police!" I hear Connie yell enthusiastically as Sasha starts to join him with as much excitement.

"We'll never have to worry about not having food again!"

Marco, Mina and I try to spend most of our time trying to assure Jean that it isn't so bad that Eren is above him.

"If that's a problem, why aren't you mad at me for being above you?" I ask curiously as I take a drink of the alcoholic beverage. _I deserve this! Just for tonight!_

"Because… I can't be mad at you…" Jean mutters, downing another swig of the drink he had in his hand. Marco pats his hand with sympathy while Mina and I smile to each other with happiness.

"You can't possibly win against them!" We suddenly hear Thomas yell loudly at Eren who is leaning against the wall with a determined expression. Everybody goes silent and stares at the group, something about this situation becoming awkward. Thomas looks around nervously and then focuses his attention back on Eren. "You know full well… You know how many have been eaten by them. We've lost more than twenty percent of the entire population already. Mankind doesn't stand a chance against them." I tighten my grip around the drink handle as Jean continues to glare at Eren.

"So?" Eren says simply, and everybody looks up from the depressed mood they were beginning to slide into. "You're just giving up because you think we can't win?"

"Well-"

"It's true. We've suffered only defeats so far, but that's because we hardly know anything about them! We can't defeat them using sheer numbers. We may have lost, but the knowledge we obtained from those battles is our guilding beacon of hope." _What's he coming at here? Is he giving this speech to help recruit more people for the Scouting Regiment, or is he doing this to prove people wrong? _"Yet you'd discard the tactical progress bought by hundreds of thousands of sacrifices, just to serve yourself up on a silver platter? You've got to be kidding me!" _He's defending himself. He's making a damn logical point too._

"I'll kill every last one of them and break free of these walls. That is my dream. Mankind hasn't lost everything yet." He stares at everybody for a moment before he sharply turns and leaves, Mikasa and Armin right on his tail. I look over to Jean who is still staring after Eren, an intense expression on his face. _Don't you dare waver. You are supposed to stay safe in the walls with Marco and Mina._

"That's quite the speech Eren gave." Mina suddenly says nervously while twirling a piece of her black hair around her finger. "It really makes me think about what I want to do. Maybe he is right. Why should all of those sacrifices go to waste? I want to be a part of the people who help humanity get one step closer to finding out the truth about titans!"

"What? Mina! You said you wanted to be a part of the Stationary Guard! Don't tell me you want to go back on that." I demand, slamming my fists on the table to look slightly intimidating.

"I know you want me to be safe, El, but I don't want to sit back and do nothing but stare at the walls all day. I want to be with you, exploring beyond the walls and finding out what is right for me!" _No… I can't protect her this way… I won't know if she is safe this way! _Mina grabs my hands and looks me straight in the eye. "I will be fine El, I promise you. If anything happens to either of us, it won't be but ourselves to blame. Okay?"

"I'm still joining the military police." Jean suddenly states, his sour puss expression somewhat loosening up. I look down at him for a moment, and then hug him with all of my force.

"Sometimes I'm glad you are such a stubborn ass sometimes." I whisper into his ear as his entire face flushes. Marco wiggles his eyebrows while Mina gives him a sly grin behind my back to where I can't see it. I pull away and stand up to stretch.

"I'm going to enjoy my first night sleeping in!" I declare as Jean stands up too, apparently by the encouragement of Mina and Marco

"I'll walk you there." He immediately stutters, and I smile at him.

"Anything to get you out of your mood. Let's go MP." I grab his hand and pull him out of the crowded tavern. "How could you still be moody when it is such an amazing day and such an amazing night? Look at the stars. Even though we only see that to which the wall allows, just imagine how many billions more lie beyond the wall."

"You are making my mood worse with this talk about you leaving me." Jean states while crossing his arms across his chest.

"Hm…. Pick a number one through one hundred." I offer, my hands held behind my back as I look up to the sky.

"Why- Never mind. You wouldn't tell me if I asked. I chose one hundred." Jean tells me and I smile wickedly.

"Alright! I will make a deal with you to put your mind to ease. I won't die until I kill at least one hundred titans." He gives me a baffled look and starts to argue, but I turn around. "You picked the number, not me. You are lucky you didn't chose one."

"You know that's impossible right? To kill one hundred titans?" Jean protests, then pauses, and then smacks his head. "Of course you chose to go about it this way. Alright, and if you break the promise?"

"If I break the promise… You can write whatever you want on my gravestone, no matter how embarrassing. But you won't get the chance, so you minus well forget it now!" Jean sighs, then pats my head.

"I'm leaving for the Military Police tomorrow. You know I am really going to miss you. Every time you come back from a mission, you have to come visit me, okay?"

"Of course! I'll make sure to be there with a handkerchief to wave you off with." I smirk but he still looks upset. "Let's just go to bed."

* * *

"First day out and they have us wall cleaning?" Mina sighs, brushing the wall while I start to scrub a cannon. "I can't wait until the fun begins."

"it's not supposed to be fun! Mina, the titans are dangerous and shouldn't be treated like it's a fun filled adventure or a walk in the park. You could _die._" I argue with her as she rolls her eyes while other people exchange looks.

"At least we will die with a purpose." Thomas puts in and we all stare at him.

"You too?" Eren asks appalled, watching while Thomas blushes slightly and scratches nervously at his cheek.

"Your speech last night really swayed some of us. Now we can be together El! Don't forget about Connie." Mina smirks, wrapping her arm around my shoulder while Connie turns red.

"I didn't change my mind because of Eren's temper tantrum! I just don't want to look like I am joining the Military Police for the same reason Jean is." Connie snaps and everybody around me laughs.

"Let's finish up so we can find Jean and Marco to get some lunch. Plus, I want to see where you grew up. You did grow up here, right?" Mina asks as I look over the town I did in fact grow up in.

"It's been years. I don't even remember what house I grew up in." I mumble, and then turn the other way to the world beyond the Wall. _I want to see all of it._

"Hey guys… Don't freak out, but I just took some meat from the officer's closet." Sasha suddenly giggles while pulling out a hanger of meat from her jacket.

"Are you crazy? What is wrong with you?" Eren demands as people start to panic.

"What isn't wrong with her?" Reiner retorts and people nod with agreement.

"Once we retake the land though, we can keep pigs and cows again." Sasha says, hiding the meat in a box. There is a silent moment before somebody speaks up.

"I'll take some of that meat!" A guy named Samuel declares, clutching the broom tightly in his hand.

"Me too! So save me a part." Connie adds.

"That goes for me and El too." Mina smiles when she sees the smile on my face. _Sasha, you may seem dumb most of the time, but you make such good points._

"We better get back to work before the higher ups catch us slacking off." I suggest while focusing back on scrubbing the black cannon.

"Right!" Everybody agrees, the thought of actually getting some meat exciting everybody. I look away from the vast region, too worried to lose myself in thought. _When we retake the land… I wonder when that will be. Will I want to live there? Will I want to start a family on the land that thousands have died on? _I look out once again, and then find myself smiling. _It's our land for the taking! _

The sky suddenly flashes green as a bolt of lightning strikes the spot right in front of me, followed by a large amount of smoke. I cover my face to prevent the hot steam from getting into my eyes. When I pull down my hand though, I am face to face with the same skinless titan that took down Wall Maria and destroyed my home five years ago.


	7. Chapter 7

"No…" I whisper as the people around me freeze and stare in horror. Before I could force my body to work, a gust of hot steam explodes from the large titan, blowing our bodies off of the wall. _Not again!_

"Everybody switch to your Three Dimensional Maneuvering Gear!" I scream over the loud thunder of the titan's steam, extending the grappling hooks and shifting the weight on my feet to even myself out in the air.

"Samuel!" Connie screams as the unconscious boy continues to fall, a large bump on his head. Sasha begins to run down the wall with one of her grappling hooks ready to be shot. She points the hook at Samuel and presses the trigger, the hook stabbing through his foot but stopping his fall.

"Don't move!" Sasha orders, but my attention is now placed at the giant hole at the bottom of the wall. _The titans! They are going to get in!_

"Ready the artillery! Four groups! Prepare for battle! The target is right in front of us, the Colossal Titan! This is our chance. Don't let it slip away!" Eren suddenly yells at everybody, scaling the wall with a dangerous expression on his face.

"He's right! We are trained for this so everybody get to the top!" I follow Eren's lead, bouncing my body away from the wall so I can also fly upwards. Once I reach the top, I barely have time to react as it breaks its giant meaty arm across the top of the wall, shattering the titans and the foundation. I jump over it, hoping I don't get caught by the foot or anything.

"Kill it Eren!" I yell at the boy who is currently over the Titan, ready to attack. Another sudden gust of steam has me covering my face, the defense mechanism burning my skin. The wind only becomes stronger until I am clutching the edge desperately, trying not to fall off. Once the steam clears, I pull myself up only to see nothing standing there. "He's… Gone!?" I whisper, falling to the ground as everybody joins me at the top.

"Did you get him Eren?" Thomas yells as I fall to my knees. _No way… There's no way… It's going to happen all over again!_

"No! It's just like five years ago. It just showed up out of nowhere and vanished into thin air!" Eren explains and a Stationary Guard member appears on top of the wall. We all stand up and place our fists over our hearts.

"Return to Head Quarters immediately! Don't forget to make a full report if you came into contact with it." He orders and we all yell, "Sir!" _Mina, Marco, Jean… please be okay!_

"Best of luck to you and the rest of the initial response team!" Connie tells the man and he just jumps off of the wall to warn the rest of the cadets. After a few seconds, I follow him off of the wall, fully intent on finding all three of my friends. Once I reach the streets, I see a bunch of other cadets speeding towards HQ, fear on their faces.

* * *

When I finally reach the building, I notice everybody is whispering to each other, crying, or trembling terribly. _Evacuation of the citizens have already started, so we might be able to get out of this without any casualties among non-soldiers. That's a rare chance though. A lot of soldiers will die today… I just know it. I have to make sure Mina, Marco, and Jean aren't' among them._

I start to fill up my gas tanks while one of the Stationary Guard members start yelling at everybody with something like encouraging words.

"Yesterday, you were but cadets, but today, you graduates are true soldiers! I'm expecting great things from you!" Once I make sure that I am set on blades and gas, I start looking around desperately for anybody.

"Jean? Marco? Mina?" I yell desperately, hoping for a response.

"El?" I turn sharply to see Marco standing there with his gas tanks in his hands. I quickly run up to him and wrap my arms around him.

"You are okay… thank god… Where are Jean and Mina? Have you seen either of them?" I ask, taking one of the gas tanks from his hand to help him fill it up. He shakes his head, but judging from his shaking and cold hands, he is deathly afraid right now.

"Jean went outside to see if you lined up. He's been looking for you with panic since… The titan struck the wall… We should find him once we finish up filling my gas tanks." Marco explains, struggling to keep the hose steady. I set my hand on his and he snaps his head up towards me, his brown eyes larger than I've ever seen them.

"Marco, calm down. You will be fine. We have trained for this in the past two years. I won't let anything happen to you or Jean or Mina. Okay? So calm down and let's go see what we have to do." I assure him, squeezing his hand once more. He looks over my face for a few seconds before he smiles lightly, his freckles bending with his cheeks.

"Right. Thank you Elsie." I grin at him, and then rub his brown hair. "Let's go champ."

"Are you ready?" He asks me, standing up and sliding his gas tanks into their holding spots. I pause and pull out one of the blades, staring at my reflection.

"Five years ago I was nothing but useless as I stood around and watched the people around me die. Now though, I can fight with my heart, body, and soul to protect those who can't help themselves. Of course I'm ready. Let's do this!"

* * *

"Split up into teams, just as in training! Under the Garrisons Command, you will form supply and information routes as you monitor any titans you encounter. The Garrison's Intercept Squad will form the vanguard. The cadets will function as the middle guard under our command. And the Garrison's elite will form the rear guard! According to the info we have received, the initial response team has been wiped out!"

"What?!" I gasp quietly as a devastated expression runs over the crowd.

"They let the titans break through their defenses and get into the town. In other words, as the things stand, the armored Titan could show up at any time and destroy the Inner wall!"

"No way…"

"Is it time for Wall Rose to fall too?"

Mixed continuous whispers fill the small area outside of Head Quarters, but I am mostly focused on looking for Jean and Mina. _Mina was also on the wall… What if her gear didn't work? What if she fell like Samuel did? Stop! Stop scaring yourself!_

"Listen up! The vanguard is intercepting the titans this very moment. The defense mission has one goal: To protect Wall Rose until the civilians have evacuated. Also, as I'm sure you're all aware by now, fleeing is punishable by death penalty! Keep that in mind as you offer up your lives! Dismissed."

"Sorry Titan's, but I plan on keeping my life." I whisper, watching as the people around me start running off in many different directions. "Mina!" I yell once I see the black haired girl standing and staring up at the sky. She looks over at me and her eyes immediately brighten.

"You are alive! I thought the Colossal Titan got you!" She gasps, jumping towards me and latching herself around my neck.

"I was scared you didn't make it safely! I still need to find Jean though! Marco told me he was looking for me which means he's alive, but I don't know if he's panicking or not."

"I saw him walking that way. Maybe you can catch up to him. I have to go. I'm in Eren's squad so I'm sure I'll be fine. If I don't' make it through this, then I have no business in the Scouting Regiment, right?" She waves me off and runs off towards her given location. I start walking calmly in the direction Mina pointed me at, taking in how people were reacting. Some were puking, some were crying, and others were barely holding themselves together.

"And I'm sure we can do the same now!" I hear Eren yell angrily and I immediately get the sense that Jean is somewhere over there. "You're going to survive today and leave tomorrow, right?" I turn to see Jean pressed against a pillar, Eren's fist over Jean's chest. Jean stands there for a moment before he pushes Eren away and walks in a different direction. _Jean! _

"Jean!" I call out, running over to him quickly, every bone in my body aching to grab him and never let go. I planned on just stopping in front of him, but I end up tripping over a curb and falling into his chest. Without question, Jean catches me and lets out a large sigh of relief.

"How are you still alive when you are this clumsy?" Jean asks sarcastically and I end up grinning at him.

"Because I made a promise and I don't break promises. I'm in your group by the way, along with Marco. So you guys have nothing to worry about." I pull back to see his still frightened expression. I pull my hand back and hit his arm. "Come on Squad Leader! If you get scared then you are going to set a bad example for everybody else! I managed to calm Marco down already so you shouldn't be too hard. Let's go regroup the rest of the squad.

A few minutes later, Jean, Marco, Annie, Connie and I are standing on top of a roof building, waiting for orders. I look to the side to see the boys trying to contain their fear while Annie is standing poised and bored.

"Squad 38, go!" A soldier yells at us and I immediately feel adrenaline running through my veins. Jean touches my shoulder lightly and I notice Marco look away from us.

"I'll protect you." Jean whispers quietly, words only meant for me.

"We will protect everybody. Let's go leader." Jean jumps off the roof first and then Marco and I follow him with Annie and Connie right behind us.

"I want to help protect you too Elsie." Marco assures me, a nervous smile on his face.

"Like I said, we are all going to protect each other, okay? That means I have to protect you too." I retort and he blushes slightly. "You, Jean, and Mina are my closest friends and it would hurt beyond belief if any of you even got hurt. I have to make sure you all stay healthy and alive."

"Same to you. Let's just make sure we all make it out alive!" Jean yells at us as we soar through the air in search of some titans.

"Titan on the right! You distract, Annie and I will go for the kill!" I order loudly, not allowing Jean to stutter out an order. Everybody actually agrees, which relieves me slightly. _We need the two most level headed people going for the danger which happens to be Annie and me. The others can distract which is safer for them._

The titan turns to us and everybody splits up, Jean and Marco going around the waist while Connie flies in front of its face. The seven meter with the giant pot belly turns to follow Connie while Annie lands on the roof to the left of the titan while I run onto the right side.

Annie and I nod to each other and quickly dodge the hands that swing towards the two of us. I attach the hooks to the roof that Annie is on while she does the same to mine. At the exact same moment, we tighten the wires and go swinging forward, our blades slicing into the meaty flesh of the Titan's neck. My body goes flying upwards as some of the titan's blood follows.

"I did it!" I gasp, then crash onto the roof from lack of attention. I hear my name yelled, but a sound like water rushes in my ears as my vision instantly blurs. I lay there for a minute before I realize that I have two different people helping me back onto my feet.

"Shit you really are an idiot!" Jean snaps and I find myself laughing.

"She's bleeding guys! Wrap up her head!" Connie tells them and Marco is instantly on it, pulling out a small medical kit that he always carries.

"I'm fine. I got distracted with my first kill. Sorry to screw up guys." I apologize, wiping a trail of blood away from my forehead before it could reach my eye. Marco makes sure to delicately wrap up my head around the bun which is becoming distraught. "Let's go!" I declare once Marco is done.

Jean and Marco start to argue with me, but I am already soaring away through the air in search of another Titan. _I love the way it felt to have my blade dig into its skin and cut across. It was the thrill of the kill. It's something I want to keep doing. It makes me all excited._

I jump quickly to the left as a titan dives at me and it ends up face first into a building. Before it could get up, I attach the hook to a building on the other side of the titan and then tighten the wires. As it starts to get up, I push on my left foot cord which ends up spinning my body. Soon I am a spinning ball with my blades extending, ripping right into the flesh of the titan.

More titan blood showers over my body as I tear out the hooks and land safely on the other side of the titan. _That was amazing! I need to use that method more often!_

"You took it out by yourself!" Connie gasps, respect written all over his face.

"Stop being an idiot and stay with the group Elsie! You are injured in case you have forgotten." Jean scolds and I look down at the hot blood on my hands.

"Armin?" I suddenly ask when I notice the petite blond sitting on a roof, by himself, shell shocked. All of us drop down to him just as Ymir's squad arrives.

"Hey! Armin! Hey! Come back to us! Hey!" Connie yells while shaking him. _Where is the rest of his squad? Who was all a part of his squad anyways? Wait… He's in Eren's squad. What happened? Wait… Don't tell me._


	8. Chapter 8

"It can't be… There's no way…" I whisper quietly, a numb feeling washing over my body as I take a step backwards. _His entire squad… Were they all killed? No… Please don't let Mina be dead! _Suddenly, Armin starts to scream loudly, immediately confirming my suspicions.

"Hey! Calm down!" I faintly hear Connie yell as my mind begins to slow down. My legs give out under me and my entire body just crumples.

"Mina… Not you… You said you wouldn't die… We were going to be in the Scouting Regiment together..." _I said I was going to protect everybody, but I failed… I was all big talk that ended up like this…_

"Elsie?" Jean asks once he realizes that I am no longer standing. "What's the matter? Wait… Elsie, before you think anything further, it was not your fault." _All of those times we spent together, gone. She's gone. Everything I knew about her and her amazing personality is just gone in a matter of minutes. _"Get a hold of yourself! Mina wouldn't want you to grieve."

"I know you are right… I can't help it though… It hurts so much." I whisper, tears beginning to prick my eyes. Jean sets his hand on mine while I feel another hand on my back. I look up to see Marco on the other side of me, a sad look in his eyes. _What if I end up losing them too? What if I have to watch them die?_

"Middle guard! Advance!" I hear a voice yell just as Armin speeds away. I stand up slowly, leaving Jean and Marco on the ground.

"Let's go." I whisper, trying to walk away coolly but with every step I take, I feel as if a thousand boulders are attached to my back. I jump off of the roof and start to speed away, no longer wanting to be held back. _I can't believe she is really dead. My body feels so heavy now. All of my fighting spirit from before is completely gone. What if she died alone?_

Through the tears now spilling heavily out of my eyes, I completely miss the spot I was intending by a wide range. Before I could react, my body crashes into a wall sending a sharp pain throughout my body. I land on the ground with a audible thump, more pain to follow.

I stare up at the gray sky, more tears streaming down my face. _I'm truly awful… Once again, I'm alive while somebody close to me dies._

Underneath my body, I can feel heavy vibrations, one by one, coming closer to me. I just stare up at the sky, my body not wanting to move.

"Maybe it's my time. I'm tired of being left behind. I want to be with everybody instead of this hell. We are all going to die anyways. I just don't want to be alive when everybody else does." A large shadow appears over me and I turn slightly to see a Titan with an elongated neck reaching towards me. _Why can't I move? Do I even want to move?_

It grabs my legs and lifts me upside down, the world around me spinning quickly. _What's the point of fighting now? I've already decided my fate. I'm just as good as dead-_

"Elsie! No! What about the promise you made me?!" A voice screams loudly, instantly snapping into my thoughts. _Wait…_

"Elsie! Fight damn it!" Marco yells just as loud, even though he is usually such a normal person and I have never heard him cuss a day in his life. "Mina wouldn't want this!" _He's right! What am I thinking?! I want to see the world outside like I planned! How dare I give up so easily!_

I grab my blades just as the titan drops me into its open mouth. I look once to see Jean and Marco speeding ahead of the others, horror written all over both of their faces. I mouth the words 'thank you' before I am completely submerged in Titan saliva and blood. My body slides down its tongue and the urge to vomit becomes clear. _I'm going to be sick… I can't breathe in here! _

As soon as I reach the back of its throat, I shoot the hooks on either side of me, piercing through the skin. The Titan lets out a ear deafening screech that has me covering my ears with the blades still tightly clutched between the lubricated fingers.

"You know… You have some balls to try and eat me in my weakest state of mind… I'll make this slow and painful for you." I growl, making sure that I am completely balanced before I bring back the blades. Then I am stabbing them both forward on either side of me. It's screeching intensifies but I am completely focused on dragging the blades around me, slicing in a circle. _I'll kill you… I'll kill you all for killing Mina! I won't stop! Never! _Finally, my blades meet each other on its weak spot and it's head falls off as it body falls down.

My body is thrown forward and it slides across the concrete, allowing me to suck in a large amount of fresh air. I lay there for a few minutes, gasping air like a fish out of water while trying to wipe the disgusting saliva from my face.

"You just chopped off a titans head from the inside! What the hell!?" I hear Connie yell and in the next instant, like I suspected, two pairs of hands are both grabbing at me, pulling me up into their grip. _Jean… Marco… I scared both of them… _I slowly wrap one hand around Jean's neck and the other around Marco's.

"Sorry for that… Thank you both. If you wouldn't have said anything, I would be dead right now…" I mutter, dropping my head onto their shoulders.

"I would have never forgiven myself if you would have died. Just because you lost Mina doesn't mean you can go and try to kill yourself! I'm still here damn it!" Jean snaps, and that's when I realize that both of their bodies are shaking.

"I would have been angry too! We've already lost Mina but to go and watch you almost commit suicide? What were you thinking?" _What was I thinking? Some of the stupidest thoughts ever… _

"I'm alive… But I'm gross…" I tell him once I manage to make my own shaking body stop. "Now you guys are going to smell too."

"Don't care." They both state, just as Annie and the rest of Ymir's squad joins us on the ground. After I finally manage to get the two of them off of me, I feel the desperate need to take a shower.

"We need to keep going. I got word that the evacuation is almost complete." Ymir tells us as Marco quickly leans forward and wipes some of the Titan shmuck off of my face.

"Thanks. My hands are covered in it too so I can't wipe it off myself." I explain, brushing my hand against the ground. "Come on guys. We aren't done yet."

"You aren't to engage in any combat until the retreat bells. Got it?" Jean orders of me and I immediately nod. We start to fly back into the air, but something is immediately off.

"I'm almost out of gas and the wall is too far away! We'll never make it!" Connie gasps just as the retreat bell sounds through the air. _You have got to be kidding me. I've already come so close to death, only for this to happen? _I fall to the ground and look up to the cloudy skies with blurring eyes. _Am I really wanted dead this much?_

Marco drops down beside me as Jean takes his place on the other side. I look around at everybody on the other roof tops, their predicament the same.

"Jean! What do we do?" Connie asks us, standing in front of us rigidly.

"What can we do? We finally receive the order to retreat, but we are almost out of the as so we can't get over the wall. We are all going to die thanks to those fucking cowards." Jean states and then starts to wipe some of the titan saliva from my hair. "Let's try and get as much of this off as possible. It must be uncomfortable for you. It will provide as a distraction…"

"You mean the support squad?" Connie asks as Marco starts to mimic Jean. "What happened to them? Are they all dead?"

"They probably lost their will to fight. I understand how they feel. But I doubt they abandoned their mission and barricaded themselves in Head Quarters. The Titans have probably surrounded them which is why they can't supply gas." Jean predicts as I search the disgusting clump of hair for my rubber band that probably isn't even there anymore.

"That's exactly why we have no choice but to go all out on those titans! Sitting here and waiting to die won't make a difference. The Titans are going to surround us too! If we keep running away, we are going to waste what little gas we have. Once we lose our agility, it will really be over!" Connie yells while hitting his gas tanks roughly.

"I never thought you would say something intelligent Connie. But how do you purpose we do that with what little we have left? The vanguard has been wiped out. Moreover, which one of us cadets could possibly take command of such a mission? Not that any of us could do anything about the Titans, even with a leader. Gas storage is probably crawling with 3-4 meters, so obviously we can't fight there." Jean mutters, wiping his hand on his pants with disgust.

"So it's hopeless?" Connie asks, and something on the inside of me clicks.

"I had such a boring life up until now." Jean whispers while pulling away. I quickly stand up, grabbing all of their attention.

"What…? What the hell is this?" I demand loudly, looking down at Marco and Jean who have blank expressions. "You all are giving up hope so quickly when it suddenly turns bad? What is wrong with you all?" My voice picks up a few levels, making sure that everybody in the area could hear me. "If I would have given up as easily as you all are doing, I would be in a Titan's stomach right now! Even when I was in the hand of the Titan, no... Even when I was being swallowed by the Titan, I still fought with all of my heart and soul! I found a way out of a hopeless situation, so why can't all of you do the same?"

"Elsie-"

"You too Jean! Sitting around and talking about death when you made me promise you not to die myself? This isn't over until every one of our hearts stop beating. We can still fight! We have some gas, we have our blades, and we are all in one piece. What exactly is there missing that we can't form some sort of plan of escape?" I turn around at the sound of quick foot steps to see Mikasa walking quickly towards us.

"Mikasa?"

"Weren't you with the rear guard?"

"Annie!" Mikasa yells as she approaches the blond. "I think I know the situation. I apologize for bothering you, but have you seen Eren's unit?" _Oh no… Something bad is going to happen… _I watch Mikasa walk over to Armin and crouch in front of him. After a few seconds, I can hear him screaming from over where I am.

"The entire 34th Squad…. Thomas Wagner, Nic Tius, Mylius Zeramuski, Mina Carolina, Eren Jaeger… All five of them fulfilled their duties and died heroic deaths in battle." He cries, doubling over and clutching the ground, tears dropping from his eyes. _I knew it… I'm sorry Mina… He's right. You died a heroic death and I will never forget you._

"Marco. If we take out the Titan's around Head Quarters, we can replenish our gas supplies and climb the wall. Does that sound correct?" Mikasa suddenly asks, her body turned towards the large building crawling with Titan's on the inside and outside.

"Yeah… But even if you're with us, there's too many-"

"We can do it." Mikasa interrupts with completely dead eyes. "I'm strong. Stronger than all of you. Extremely strong. I can kill all of the Titan's there; even if I am alone. You're either incompetent or you're spineless cowards. How pathetic. You can sit here and suck on your thumbs. Yeah, do that."

"Hey Mikasa! What are you saying?!"

"You want to fight them yourself?"

"There's no way you can do that!"

"If I can't then I'll just die. But if I win, I live. Unless I fight, I cannot win." Then Mikasa speeds away, leaving us all dumbfounded. _What sort of saying is that?!_

"Your otary skills are what's pathetic." Jean mutters, then stands up and grabs my shoulder. "Hey! Were we trained to let our comrades fight alone? At this rate, we are going to be spineless cowards! Let's go Elsie."

"Right!" I declare, following Jean, Marco, and Connie off of the roof and towards Head Quarters. _That's the Jean I know! _Behind me, everybody lets loose battle cries that ring through the air. "Come on guys! Hurry and follow Mikasa!" I yell to the people behind me.

"Let's keep this fight short! We need to kill them all before we run out of gas!" Jean adds, looking back at me with a new look to his eye.

"Mikasa is amazing… How is she moving that fast?" Connie asks and then it hits me. _She's using to much gas! She's going to run out before- Suddenly_ her body is falling down at a rapid pace, her gas completely wiped out.

"Mikasa!" Armin gasps, making a sharp turn to support his friend.

"Jean! You lead the others! I'll go with Armin!" Connie yells.

"I'll go with you." Jean yells back, but Connie immediately stops him.

"What are you talking about?! There are more Titan's left! We need your and El's skills!" Then Connie disappears, leaving Jean and I alone with an entire squad.


	9. Chapter 9

We continue on for a few seconds until we are forced to stop on a roof, about four Titan's standing in our way. _What do we do?_

I hear sudden cries of fear from below and I snap my direction down to see a boy standing there, trying to get his gear to work. _Shit… He's out of gas! _Jean starts to move, but I grab his jacket sleeve. He looks to me just as all of the Titan's start to run towards him. The boy attempts to scream them away, waving his sword at them, but they don't falter.

"Tom! I'm going to save you!" Another boy yells as he flies over us. I watch another boy go after him and before a dark blond haired girl could pass me, I grab her around the waist and shove her backwards.

"Don't stop me you heartless bastard! I'm saving my best friend!" She screams at me and I end up tackling her to the ground, making sure she can't go on.

"If you try and save him, you will die too!" I spit at her, grabbing her swinging fists as the people around me watch the struggle. "All of the others are already in the Titan's grip! If I wouldn't have stopped you, you would be Titan food right now! Get a hold of yourself!"

She freezes when she hears the screams from her companions before she breaks down into tears, clutching my body tightly to hers. _I could save somebody… I really could save somebody for once…_

"Everybody! Head for Head Quarters while the Titan's are distracted! Go, Now!" Jean yells and then speed off.

"Their deaths weren't in vain! Come on! Their sacrifice lead to everybody being able to live! Whether you chose to come to safety or not depends on you!" I pull her up onto her feet and then point at Head Quarters. After a few seconds, she clutches her fist tightly and flies over the Titan's. _She really is strong. I'm glad I got through to her._

* * *

Jean crashes through the window and rolls painfully across the ground, his body slamming against the wall. The pain is ignored though as he stares at the unbroken windows. After another two seconds, more people break through the windows, his plan a success. _Marco… Annie, Reiner, Bertolt, Sasha, Connie, others…. Where is Elsie?! _

Jean jumps up and runs over to the window after there is no sign of her after a few seconds. Marco is instantly by another window, his fear matching Jean's level. They look around for a few seconds before a girl crashes into Marco, sending his body sprawling. _That's the girl Elsie saved earlier! Where is El-_

A body crashes into Jean's, sending them both sprawling across the floor in a tangle of limbs and wires.

* * *

I watch the girl take off and I manage to spare one look down to the Titan's enjoying a luxurious lunch. _I'll kill all of you bastards… I swear to God. _I look back up and start after the girl, noticing how almost everybody had already made it to Head Quarters. Those who hadn't distract the Titan's from both the girl and I as we make our way.

"Thank you everybody for sacrificing your lives for us." I whisper, trying not to look at any of my fellow cadets being devoured. Finally, I use the last of my gas to shoot through a window that somebody had been standing in front of. We both roll across the ground and I can feel the wires already tangling around our bodies.

A sharp pain is felt in my side, but disappears when I finally realize what position I am in. Here I am, sitting on Jean's lap completely, the wire tight around the two of us. My face turns at least turns ten shades of a darker red.

"A-Ah! Sorry! I didn't see you at the window!" I quickly explain, trying desperately trying to remove the wires from around our bodies. Jean is completely speechless, but I can tell that he is relieved from the small sigh he released.

"Talk about fashionably late." Marco laughs, walking over to us and helping to untangle the wires. He freezes though when he gets to the wires around my waist. "Elsie! Your side!"

"What?" I ask, and then I feel the pain flooding into my body. I wince and bite my lip to prevent myself from letting any noises out. "What is in my side right now, Marco?" I grind out, quickly getting the wires off of me so that I can look down. But every movement is causing more pain. Luckily Jean slides out from underneath me so that he can lay me against a wall. Jean pauses though when he looks over to see people hiding under the desk.

"You… You are part of the supply team, aren't you?" Jean asks them, his face just appalled. After a moment, Jean reaches underneath and grabs the boy just to deck him across the face. "Do you realize how many people have died you fucking cowards?!" Jean screams at them, Bertolt holding him back.

"The titans have taken over the gas station! What else are we supposed to do?" The girl cries back, tears streaming down her face as she holds the boy.

"It's your job to figure something out!" Jean snaps as the girl from earlier drops down on the other side of me. _I need to get whatever is in my side out!_

"Take cover!" Reiner yells and I feel Marco envelope my body with his, making sure that whatever is about to happens doesn't happen to me. The exterior wall explodes inwards, sending the people on that end of the room flying towards us on the other side. I squeeze my eyes shut and grab onto Marco's jacket as the girl grabs onto me.

"I got you…" Marco whispers to me, his grip tightening even after the dust clears. I look over his shoulder barely to see two Titan's leaning into the giant hole that they created. _Oh no… They found us! I can't get up with this thing in my side. _People start screaming and running away while Jean, Marco, and the girl stay here with me.

"Hey! You need to get further in!" I snap at the girl who is staring at the Titan's with fright. She quickly shakes her head and grabs my hand.

"I'm staying." She states, and then looks up to Marco who is trying to keep his eyes on me instead of the obvious Titan's behind him. In a split second decision, I tear off the bottom half of my shirt and shove it into my mouth.

"Wh-What are you doing!?" Marco asks with an intense blush at the suddenly exposed skin of my stomach. I reach downwards and wrap around the sharp object in my side that isn't lodged too deep, but I know to be a dangerous piece of glass. Marco tries to stop me, but I bite down harder on the cloth and rip the piece of glass out. Unbearable pain floods my entire side and I would be screaming out loud if it wasn't for the cloth in my mouth.

Without wasting another second, I tear the cloth from my mouth and press it tightly over the open wound. _This better stop the bleeding! _Marco's hand places itself over mine, helping to apply pressure. I look up to Jean to see him staring at the Titan's, completely frozen to the spot.

"Jean! Stop spacing out!" I snap loudly, hoping to get through to him. _He's beginning to doubt his life again! I just know it! _Before he looks to me, confusion runs over his face. I look to the Titan's, only to see a giant fist slam into the side of one Titan's head, blowing them both from the hole. Five seconds later, the last windows that are unshattered are broken through to reveal Mikasa, Armin, and Connie.

"Everybody! You are alive!" I gasp, allowing the girl whose name I still don't know to help me up with Marco's hand still on my side. Jean looks over to us and finally notices all of the blood, then Marco's hand on my side.

"Guys! That Titan is an abnormal who fights other Titans! It's not even interested in humans. If we play our cards right, we can make it out alive!" Connie explains excitedly as people slowly start to return.

"El! What happened to your side?" Armin asks with concerned wide eyes. I look down slightly before attempting a small smile.

"Just a small injury, but using a Titan?!"

"You would rely on a Titan's help?" Jean asks, just as appalled as I am. "That's more delusional than a dream!"

"It's not a dream." Mikasa interrupts and everybody looks at her. "I don't care if it's an abnormal or whatever. Just let it rampage for however long it wants to. Realistically, that's our best option for survival."

"It's okay. That Titan is stronger than the average." Connie assures us as the Titan starts to kick the smaller ones around. We decide that it's time to get further in though I am having a little bit of a struggle walking.

"Here, you can use my arm for support." Marco offers his arm which I gladly take. _As long as I can actually walk, I can build up my strength for the 3DMG. _Jean looks over at us with a dark expression, but follows behind quietly.

"They can't take over the building while it is rampaging outside." Connie finishes as we enter the inner room with the left that moves supplies up from the supply room. Marco leans me against a pillar while the girl sticks right beside me.

"I don't think I have introduced myself yet! My name is Sofia Kiatt. Weren't you one of the top ten members? El Koehler?" She asks, looking at me with wide eyes.

"Ya, I was. Look, I want to apologize now for what you had to go through. I understand having your friends die is especially hard, but there is a limit you know. If I wouldn't have stopped you, you would have been killed along with them. Don't you dare say anything like you would rather die with them then still be alive. I learned that you shouldn't live your life for other people, but for yourself. Then you will find that you treasure yourself a bit more, that you have a little more of a stronger mind. But that doesn't mean you shouldn't let people in. Even after you let somebody in, keep in mind that you could lose them at any moment and it will be painful, but you still have others who will suffer if you just give up. That is, talking from personal experience. So, even though you lost them, you can start making new friends." By this point, she is desperately trying to wipe the tears from her face while small sobs escape her lips.

Jean walks over to me and then looks to Sofia who has her arms wrapped around herself. Then he grabs the bottom of his shirt and starts to rip across, actually shocking me.

"What are you doing?" I ask him as he wraps his arms behind him to get a perfect strip out of it. He doesn't answer me but takes the long strip and takes my hand in his.

"You shouldn't have to keep holding it. You already sacrificed a bit of your shirt, so I think I can manage a bit of mine." _Jean never messes his own clothes up on purpose. _

"Here, you can use some of my shirt to replace the bloody cloth you are using, and then Jean can wrap his cloth around this one." Sofia offers, tearing off some of her shirt in turn. I stare at Jean, trying to figure out what is going on in his head. He notices me staring at him and he instantly turns away, embarrassed. _Wait… he has been staring at me every time Marco is around… Don't tell me he's JEALOUS of MARCO! Wait, wouldn't that mean that Jean actually has feelings for me? But with the way Marco is also acting… What if the two of them both have feelings for me? _I pause, and then start laughing berserkly in my mind. _No way. There is nothing but a friendship axis here. I think it's my teenage mind running wild._

I grab Jean's shoulder tightly and look away as he pulls the heavily soiled cloth away from the wound and drops it to the ground. Marco suddenly appears beside me, a scared expression on his face. Jean chooses to ignore his presence too focused on trying to put the cloth in the right place.

"H-Hey… Don't look at me like that Marco. You look as if I'm being murdered or I'm missing a limb." I state, bringing my hand up to lightly tap him on the cheek. "I'm feeling a little dizzy though… Some water would be nice…"

"You shouldn't have pulled out that piece of glass! It was dangerous to do so, especially is this situation!" Jean scolds once again as I continuously tap Marco's face, trying to distract myself from the pain.

"I like your freckles Marco." I randomly say, still trying to distract myself from the pain. I swear his face temperature went up ten degrees and Jean's hands jerk. "Ow! Be careful Jean!" I snap at him, banging my head against the wall with frustration.

"Sorry… Sorry…" Jean quickly apologizes, pressing the cloth tighter against my skin. "Okay, hold still. I'm going to wrap the second cloth around your waist." _Freckles… Freckles… I would look bad with freckles… Or would I? What about Jean? What would Jean look like with freckles?_

My mind continues to run until Jean finally ties a firm knot against my back, allowing me to let out a sigh of relief.

"About time." I mumble, rubbing my hand across the wound carefully. "Thank you three for helping me though."

"Jean! Will you help us look for some military guns?" Somebody yells and Jean is on it. He brushes his hand across my face once before departing. I look after him for a moment before Sofia follows him like a puppy.

"I'll help!" She declares, and I find myself slowly sliding to the ground with exhaustion. Marco drops down beside me, his legs crossed with his hands pressing against the ground inbetween them.

"Do you really like my freckles?" He asks quietly, fidgeting quietly.

"Of course I do. They fit your face really well and it makes you _Marco_. I tried imagining freckles on everybody else but it only fits you."

"Hey everybody! Armin has a plan so let's listen." We all walk over to Armin just as Jean reenters with dusty boxes in his hands.

"We found some! They're Military Police supplies, though they are covered in dust." Jean tells everybody while people start digging through the boxes to find themselves a gun. I look inside to see that there are only three bullets inside. "Will three bullets be enough? Do they even work against Titan's?"

"It's better than nothing." Armin starts while we gather around him expectantly. "Even if there are still seven 3-4 meter Titan's in the supply room, blinding them all at once isn't impossible. First we will use the lift to lower a large number of people into the center of the chamber. Next, they will fire into the faces of all seven at once. We'll blind them. The next instance will decide everything. Seven others will swoop down from the ceiling and kill them when blinded. In other words, if we follow this plan, we'll be gambling everything on this one attack. The whole point is for seven people to kill all seven simultaneously. Those should be the most physically capable. You'll have to shoulder the burden of everybody's lives… I'm sorry…"

"Well I'm out because of my injury…" I sigh quietly, putting my hand to the still aching spot. Marco pats my back sympathetically while others start to speak up.

"No problem." Reiner declares, making him the first to volunteer to be part of the seven.

"Whoever fails, all of us will die. The risk is the same." Annie states, making her the second. Soon, we have Reiner, Annie, Bertolt, Mikasa, Jean, Connie, and Sasha as the seven volunteers.

"But… I'm a nobody. Will my plan really be the best option?" Armin asks nervously.

"We've got no other choice but your plan. There's no more time to think. This idea is our only shot. We have to give it everything we got!"

"The lift is ready!" A boy yells while opening the door to the rectangular box. People exchange nervous looks before piling on. "The guns too!"

"Wait for me Marco!" I beg, walking over to him only to be stopped by Jean.

"You are shaking too bad. Stay here and wait-"

"I'm getting on that lift if it kills me." I fight back and he ruffles his hair with irritation.

"Alright! You never give up do you?" I shake my head with a fierce grin. "I'll kill them all if I have to."

"Sure! Sure!" I laugh, patting his back though on the inside, I am really shaking for fear of his safety.


	10. Chapter 10

Once everybody is loaded onto the lift, the cadets at the top start to lower it slowly. I can feel my heart pounding in my chest as Marco presses into me tighter.

"We are all good. There's still only seven." Marco tells us as a lift comes to a halt. We all point our guns into position, pressed against our shoulders, level with our eyes. I slide my eyes over to Marco to see him staring straight ahead, sweat dripping down his face. In fact, almost everybody here is either shaking or sweating like a beast.

Small vibrations like thunder starts to shake the room, followed by many more, starts to encase the room. I press myself even closer against Marco, realizing that this could honestly be the end for all of us if _anybody _messes up. A four meter Titan starts to walk parallel to our side, just walking across. I can feel my hands trembling slightly, but I refuse to take my eyes from the Titan. It pauses when it is exactly in front of us, then turns sharply towards us with a shit eating grin on its face.

One boy actually cries out loud while others begin to whimper quietly, their guns shaking in their hands.

"Calm down! Lure them in closer!" Marco yells at everybody, keeping a surprisingly cool head in this situation. The Titan in front of us continues to just stand there and stare as the others start to take slow and steady steps towards us. Then it starts moving, it's eyes concentrated on us. "Hold!" More Titan's start closing in on us. "Wait!"

The Titan comes with in a distance that I could reach forward and touch it if I wanted to. _It's playing with us. It could just dive at us and attack us if it wanted to. _"Ready!" Marco whispers and I slide my finger over the trigger. One more step by the Titan and Marco yells, "FIRE!" Loud explosions erupt from our guns as we all pull the trigger over and over again. The Titan's all falter backwards, our blinding them a success.

Then the seven hiding on the roof jump down and attack the backs, only Sasha and Connie missing.

"Sasha and Connie missed! Hurry and help them!" Jean yells and Mikasa with Annie spring into action, slicing the back of the remaining Titan's necks right open. The last two fall down and there is a moment before everybody starts screaming and cheering.

Marco pauses before he falls backwards as if he were about to faint. I quickly catch him with the help of two others. He gives me a goofy grin while people help to set him back upwards.

"I was so relieved I almost fainted. Sorry about that." He apologizes as I finally feel my heart beat calming down.

"You did great. You kept everybody calm and collected believe it or not. If you wouldn't have said something, they would have probably started shooting too early. So, good job Marco." I pat his back as he blushes lightly. Once we get off the lift, my legs begin to feel heavier, causing me to stumble. Jean is instantly by me, his arm around my waist to keep me steady.

"You pushed yourself too far." He instantly accuses when he sees me clutching my side.

"Anybody would be exhausted after bleeding as much as I did. All I did was stand and shoot. Maybe the nerves got to me too. Just sit me down so I can refuel while resting." I say, leaning my head against his shoulder. "You did great by the way."

"Me? Mikasa and Annie are the ones who saved Sasha and Connie, not me." Jean points out, but I only smile.

"You still stepped up to be part of the seven, even knowing you could have been killed. I would have helped do it too if it weren't for my wound." I allow Jean to basically drag me over to a cement seat where Sofia is already sitting. He sets me down then walks away when Marco calls him over.

"You know… I'm curious." Sofia whispers to me, a suspicious look on her face. I look over to her confused, reaching for a gas hose. She leans in real close, right beside my ear so that she may whisper, "Who are you with? Marco or Jean?"

I almost fall over at the question. Well actually, I do double over and fall off the bench. I stare at her wildly as she covers her mouth with interested eyes.

"Wh-What do you mean?" I stutter, my face a bright red as I stare at her incredulously. She smirks at me then looks over to the boys. She motions towards me to look and I do, only to see them staring at away from each other, intense expressions on their face. _What are they talking about?_

* * *

"Jean, you probably already know what I am going to say." Marco says once Jean sits down beside him reluctantly, wanting to stay by Elsie's side. Jean stiffly grabs a gas hose while staring at the ground, knowing exactly what Marco was going to say. "I'm in love with Elsie too."

"I'm surprised you actually told me. You made it pretty obvious you know." Jean responds, turning the gas on while Marco blushes.

"I did?!"

"Lucky for you Elsie is extremely oblivious to anything romantic related. Believe me, I know." Marco gives Jean a sympathetic look before looking over to the target of discussion who is currently on the ground while her friend is laughing. "What are you going to do about your feelings, Marco?"

"What am I going to do? I don't know honestly. I don't want to ruin our friendship but I also don't want to give her up so easily…" Marco trails off, giving the ceiling a troubled look.

"Then let's see who can confess to her first. She should be the one to decide anyways. I won't stop being your friend over something like this. If she wants to be with you, I won't be upset with you. It should be what makes her happy. That's all I ever wanted for her… Was happiness… I just want to be the one who brings it to her." Jean mutters, clutching the handle tighter.

"Then we can see who brings happiness to her first, alright?" Marco declares, grinning at Jean who looks right back at him.

"Alright. I can guarantee it will be me."

"In your dreams. But, there is also something else I wanted to say, so don't get mad at me." Jean looks over at Marco who crosses one leg over the other. "You are weak, but that's what makes you a good leader. Then you understand how us weak people feel."

"Me? You seem more like a natural leader then me. Even Elsie has leader like traits that she doesn't even realize. I mean, she comes up with some really good on the spot speeches to get people fired up or to calm them down. Maybe the Scouting Regiment is the right thing for her. She seems like a free spirit anyways. If she was in the Military Police she would be like a bird in a bird cage or she would get bored with being part of the Stationary Guard. I just wish I could have the guts to be with her. Now that I think about it… What's the point of even telling her? She's going to be gone so much and we probably won't ever see each other again."

"Are you guys ready to go?" A sweet voice asks above them, causing them both to look up to see Elsie, her face taking on an abnormally red tint, something neither boy usually sees. They exchange looks before grabbing each other hands.

"You're on." They declare, confusing the still blushing girl.

* * *

"Everybody! Let's go!" I watch people start to take off with excited cheers, but I feel a heavy rock implanting itself in my stomach.

"What's the matter Elsie?" Marco asks me as I look at him with a terrified expression.

"I don't have anywhere close to enough energy to make it all the way to the wall. I've lost a lot of blood and I still am losing some. I have no where enough energy to be able to get to the wall fast enough. I don't know what to do…" I mutter, holding my side while watching as Sofia speeds away safely. Marco pauses for a second before he grins mischievously. I go to look back at him, but wraps one arm around my back and the other goes under my knees. "Marco!" I gasp as he lifts me up into his arms.

"Well then! I'll have to carry you to safety!" He declares as I grab around his neck, trying not to fall down.

"Are you crazy?! You can't carry me!" I try to argue but his grip tightens around me as I clutch his jacket even tighter. "I swear to God if you drop me or crash, I will stab you." Marco only laughs and readjusts his handles so that he can shoot out. I let out a cry while tucking my face into Marco's chest so just in case I fall, I don't have to see it.

"I'm stronger than you give me credit for!" He laughs, speeding through the air as I try not to scream hysterically. "You aren't even heavy!"

"I'm going to be sick…" I mutter, leaning up to cover my mouth. Flying yourself is completely different then having somebody carrying you while making rapid turns and deep drops that you can't control.

"Sorry. I'll be more gentle." Marco apologizes, his face almost sparkling. _What's with this atmosphere?! Why is my heart pounding so? Why is it getting darker? _"Elsie? Hey! Elsie!"

* * *

"Huh? I'm already back into the trainee's rooms?" I ask out loud, looking around at the scenery around me. Somehow, something felt off and different.

"El~! I found you!" I hear somebody declare behind me as arms wrap around me. I turn to see Mina setting her head on my shoulder with a mischievous grin. "I heard Jean and Marco are looking for you! You might want to go check that out!"

"Really? I wonder what they need this time." I roll my eyes as I go to pat Mina's head, only to feel nothing. _Strange… Maybe I'm still just really tired._ I open the door to see absolutely nobody there, just empty forest. I step outside and turn around to see the cabin just completely gone. I look for a moment before turning around. _What's going on?_

"Elsie! There you are!" I hear a voice say softly and I turn to see Jean coming towards me, his arms extended. I go to hug him, but instead, he grabs one of my shoulders and my chin, lifting it upwards. "Excuse me." He grins before leaning down and pressing his lips against mine. _HUH?! _

"J-Jean!" I gasp, pulling away sharply with a bright blush on my face. "Y-You k-kissed m-me!" I feel two hands go around my waist and pull me against a different surface.

"That's cheap Jean! I was going to do that! Oh well, I guess second isn't too bad." I hear Marco whine before turning me around and pressing his lips against mine softly in comparison to Jean's demanding kiss. His arm wraps around my waist to pull me closer, his mouth now open over my closed one. I push him away just as I did Jean, my face an intense shade of red.

"What are you guys doing?! What is wrong with you two?!" I cry, one arm protectively covering my mouth as the other clutches my quickly pounding heart.

"We are tired of waiting Elsie. It's about time we confronted you. Who do you want… Me or Marco?" Jean asks, his arms crossed as Marco stands beside him with the same expecting look. _Is it really down to this? Are they going to make me chose now!?_

I go to back up, only to be met with a tree. I turn around to go around it, only to realize it is a large wall that stretches out in every direction, blocking all escape.

"Eh? You were going to try and leave without giving us an answer? Come on Elsie! We don't like this questioning stage! Just tell us who you like better!" Marco begs, taking steps closer to me with Jean right beside him, closing me in.

"Or is it…" Jean comes up right next to my ear, my body completely paralyzed. "You want us both?" Marco looks over to Jean with a cocked head before looking back to me.

"Is that all? I don't mind sharing as long as I get my fair share of you." Marco leans forward and starts to kiss my neck while Jean chuckles against my ear, sending shivers down my body.

"Let's see if you can handle both of us Elsie."


	11. Chapter 11

I shoot up with a loud gasp, my heart racing faster than a hummingbirds heart beat while my face feels hotter than the sun. I look around wildly for a moment only to see Sofia sitting there, her face just as red as mine.

"Wh-What kind of dream were you having?" She asks, and then turns slightly. When she does, I see Marco and Jean standing there, their faces just as red. _Oh please dear Wall Rose…. Please don't tell me I was sleep talking._

"I… I… I need some water!" I declare loudly, jumping up and ignoring the intense pain in my side. I quickly run out of the room, my face now turning a bright red color. I push my way through the people, trying to get the intense burning sensation to go away. While in the street, I bump into somebody who instantly knocks over my fragile body. "Ouch!"

"Sorry- Wait… Elsie?" The boy asks and I look up to see a face I haven't seen in almost five years.

"Nathanael? Is that you?" I ask, the temperature in my body going down slightly. He nods slowly and readjusts the bags in his hands. "So this is where you have been all this time."

"Ya… I can tell from your outfit you really joined the military. So what branch are you going into? Military Police or Stationary Guard?" He asks me, his eyes dark and judgmental. _He's acting so different from when he did back then. _

"I'm actually joining the Scouting Regiment. The Military Police is too boring along with the Stationary Guard." I admit, scratching at my head when an uncomfortable itch runs through my body.

"Wait. You plan on joining the Scouting Regiment, even though I know for a _fact _you were in the presence of those things?!" He demands, dropping the bags onto the ground as people look at us awkwardly. "You are going to end up dead."

"Me? Ending up dead? If I were to end up dead, I would already be there. You can't even imagine the hell I've been through but I made it through. I understand that I could die at any given moment, but I'm fully prepared to do so _after _I kill one hundred titans." He stares at me for a few seconds before he clutches his fists tightly.

"I knew it… Sanya shouldn't have been the one to die… It should have been you." He mutters, looking at the ground with a trembling body. _Huh? _"I can't believe Sanya gave up her life… No… You murdered her! She was killed to give you a life that you barely hold any value for! If you are really willing to die so easily, I minus well kill you right now. At least then it will be done with justice." Before I could react, Nathanael pulls out a knife and charges towards me.

_I can't move out of the way fast enough to dodge! I should cover my vital points at least. _Instead of the suspected pain, I am grabbed around the waist while a foot connects with Nathanael's face. I turn slightly to see my captor, only to turn a dark shade of red when I realize it is Marco with a deadly expression.

"What the hell!? You broke my fucking tooth!" I hear Nathanael snap and I turn back sharply to see Jean standing there, his fists raised right above Nathanael.

"You dare threaten an enlisted military officer? I'll break a lot more here in a few seconds so you can forget your tooth pain!" Jean yells, stomping over towards Nathanael who is trying to wipe the blood from his mouth. _Was it really my fault? Did he honestly think that all these years, I murdered Sanya? Does he want me dead this bad? What if he continues to try and kill me? _

"Jean! He's getting away!" Marco yells but Jean doesn't go after him, but instead holds his hand up to reveal blood from a cut.

"Let him. He's not worth my time. Who the hell was that Elsie?! Why didn't you move?!" Jean demands, turning towards me as I stand there stiffly.

"He's… An old friend of mine… Or so I thought." I stare at the ground until I see a small droplet of blood hit it. "You didn't have to hit him so hard you cut your hand on his teeth!" I scold, walking over to him to inspect his injury. "It's not deep but you should wrap it up to prevent infection." Jean turns slightly red then everything from earlier comes back to me. "Ah… Um… Th-thank you both anyways… I probably would be dead right now if you guys hadn't stepped in."

"Well whatever he said to you, stop thinking about it!" Marco demands, obviously reading my down casted expression. "If he is mad at you, he probably made things up to get at you. No matter what he said, you still have us, alright?"

"R-Right… Um… What exactly did I say in my sleep?" I look down, my fist covering my mouth out of embarrassment. Both boys almost choke on their own breath, extremely worrying me. "What did I say!?"

"What were you dreaming about?" Jean counters and my face turns an extremely bright red. I turn instantly around, my hands clutched tightly in front of me.

"I-I d-don't remember anything! I mean it could have been something about… you know… something with… I don't know…" I stumble, wishing to God something would come up to make me stop talking.

"All soldiers that are able to fight are to report on the west side of the city right now!" A soldier yells at our little gathering of red faced teenagers. _Wait… I just realized this… We are only teenagers. We are all only seventeen years old and we are out there, dying. But… Sanya was only eleven years old when she was killed… Stop it Elsie! Stop thinking about it! She told me she is in heaven and doing fine._

"What are you doing Elsie? You aren't even close to healed! Go back to the infirmary." Jean orders but I start to walk away from him and towards the wall.

"It's my duty as a soldier to fight no matter what conditions I might be in. I feel a lot better after a few hours rest." I assure them before I manage to disappear into the crowd, making sure they can't stop me. _I need to get away from them before I have a panic attack! _

"Elsie? You are going too?" I hear Sofia ask and I immediately grab onto her.

"Tell me what I said in my sleep right now! I beg you!" I whine, clutching her jacket tightly as her face starts to turn slightly red.

"You… You said… My body can't handle both you and Marco at the same time, Jean…." I literally fall over, my entire body just completely gone.

"Kill me! Please kill me now!" I beg, slamming my head against the ground as my body temperature flares from extremely hot to freezing cold over and over again. "I don't ever want to face them again!"

"Get a hold of yourself! This may be an opportunity." She whispers, pulling me up with a mischevious look. I stare at her baffled, unsure of what exactly she was expecting out my sleep talking. "Maybe it is time that you chose one of them. This is a sign, El. Even your subconscious mind is one step ahead of you! So tell me, who do you want? Then I'll help by taking the other one." She winks at me when I jerk backwards. _Her… wanting to be with one of them? I don't want to give up Jean… Or Marco! _"Got you! I bet you just thought; I don't want to give up either of them!" _Shit! She tricked me!_

"You are right… I don't want to choose one of them… I never thought about a romantic thing with them either… But ever since that dream, all I can think about is what it would really feel like." I cover my face with both hands as Sofia gasps out loud.

"A love triangle?! Where both of them like you and you like them both?! But will they be willing to share?! Or will they try to incorporate your dream?"

"Shut up!" I yell while chasing the laughing blond. _At least she is laughing. I know it must be tough for her to smile in such a situation when she watched all of her comrades die not hours earlier. _Once we finally reach the large gathering of soldiers, we lean against each other while catching our breaths. "There's... No…. Way... They… Would… Do… That…"

"I think they would… If you don't catch on soon, those two might end up together." _What?! Those two ending up together…_

* * *

_"Jean? What are you doing?"_

_"Marco, I've decided that I don't want just a simple friendship with you… I think I have feelings for you. Let me kiss you."_

_"I… I don't think I'm ready for this Jean. I thought we-"_

_"No. It's you I want now. She's too clueless for either of us. Now, close your eyes."_

_"I trust you Jean."_

* * *

"AAAAAAAUUUUUGGGGGGHHHH!" I screech, grabbing my hair as Sofia starts blushing slightly.

"I could see them ending up together." _Is this her secret kink!? Boy love?! _"So unless you want that little scenario that just played out in your head to come true, I suggest you do something."

"But they are both joining the Military Police-"

"Which is a better opportunity for them?"

"Stop! I get it! I get it! I will do something about it before they leave…" I sigh, holding my overly pounding heart.

"Something~?" Before I could retort, a loud commotion is started behind us, some guy screaming about he doesn't want to die. "Looks like we are going back to Trost…"

"Don't freak out. We may not have to fight." I assure her, patting her back as she looks around nervously. A few more seconds later, a few more people are muttering loudly about wanting to leave instead of fighting. Right before a large chaos could be spread through the crowd, a voice booms over the entirety of the city.

"ATTENTION!" The crowd ripples into silence, leaving everybody to look up and stare at the man standing on top of the wall. _That… He is the leader of the Stationary Guard; Dot Pixis! _"I shall now explain the plan to take back Trost!"

"Take back Trost? What the hell?" I demand, instantly suspicious of this plan.

"For this mission, our objective is to seal the hole where the gate was destroyed! Let me introduce you to the one who will seal the hole for us! Cadet Eren Jaeger!" A shock runs through my body as I stare up at the supposedly dead boy.

"B-But he's-" A hand lands over my mouth and I turn sharply to see Jean standing there, his finger over his mouth. "What is going on Jean?"

"I know… I'm just as shocked they are using him. But listen carefully. After you went unconscious, we went to that rampaging Titan and somehow, Eren came out of its weak spot, alive." Jean whispers to me as I listen intensely.

"Eren's a Ti-"Once again, Jean covers my mouth, looking around at the people who were staring up at Pixis with ridiculous expressions. When I realize how suddenly close Jean is, I pull away sharply and look up at Pixis with almost visible sweat running down my body. _I have to say something… But not right now._

"He is the result of a top secret project to turn humans into Titans! He can create and control a Titan's body. He will become a Titan, pick up the giant boulder by the shattered gate, carry it over, and seal the hole! Your job will be to protect him from Titan's while he moves the boulder!" He explains, but I could feel the tension and disbelief from the people around me.

"You are lying!" I hear somebody scream, the same person that was yelling earlier. I turn to see Daz standing there with Marco beside him, trying to calm him down. "I won't put my life on the line for some plan I don't even understand! What do you think we are? We aren't pawns for you to sacrifice!" I run over to help Marco, but I notice everybody around me starting to doubt out loud too.

"A human weapon!?"

"He must be lying!"

"He thinks we are fools!"

"I'm leaving!" A man starts to shove through the crowd, followed by two younger looking cadets that were in my crew. Eventually, everybody around me starts to follow his example, all of them scarred by the events of earlier today.

"Here is my decision!' Pixis suddenly yells, but nobody stops moving away, fully intent on running away from their jobs. "I shall pardon anyone who deserts now. Once you succumb to a Titan's fear, you can never fight them again. Those who have learned that fear should leave. And anyone wishing their parents, siblings, and loved ones to feel that fear should also leave!"

The crowd comes to a halt, thoughts running through all of their minds of their close relations being exposed to the fury of a Titan. Slowly, everybody starts to return at the realization of the danger they are putting their family in. Even though I have nothing to worry about, I still think I need to be in the military, even if everybody quits or dies. I will fight until I am dead myself, alone if it may be.

"Let me tell you what happened four years ago. About our attempt to take back Wall Maria. As I'm sure you are all aware, that operation was no more than a way of dealing with the government's inability to feed the unemployed. It was culling. But by sending them out, we were able to survive." He continues on about how if we are going to die, it should be for humanity. "I beg of you, to die right here!"

After a few minutes, everybody is assigned jobs and are springing into action. A soldier approaches me and assigns me leader of a decoy team on the ground.

"Where are you guys going to be?" I ask the three after they get their assignments.

"I am going to be on the wall with the large group and then I am later assigned as a decoy team on the ground." Jean explains and the other two nod with agreement.

"What?! Why am I leading a squad on the ground at first then?" I ask, turning around to try and catch the soldier that assigned me the position, but he was already gone.

"You're on the ground?! I thought the cadets were supposed to be on the wall, not the ground!" Sofia says, worry on her face.

"I thought so too… I will have to be extra careful then. I can't have anything happening to my team…" I mutter, shivering at the thought of having a team under _my _name. _What are they thinking? Do they honestly think I have the power to lead and protect a squad?_

"Elsie, don't doubt yourself. You are a better leader then you give yourself credit for." Marco assures me, patting my shoulder. "Just don't get yourself killed, alright?"

"Of course not. I'm only at three titans right now. I have another 97 before you can worry about me." I laugh, even though on the inside my body is shaking. _My team is meeting at the top of the wall on the right side, opposite of where everybody will be collecting. _"You guys be careful once you reach the ground decoy team! If you have any troubles, come to me, okay?"

"Roger!" Sofia declares, grabbing my shoulders with enthusiasm. "Now that I think about it, it's been spreading around about how you cut off a Titan's head from the inside. I think you impressed the higher ups. Well, I know I saw a few Stationary Guard members talking about it while you were unconscious. They were talking about how shocking it was that a simple cadet could think of something so clever and keep calm, even when going down the back of a Titan's throat."

"Everybody knows about that?! It's embarrassing… Now that I think about it, I don't reek of it anymore."

"I washed you all up! You are hiding something nice under that shirt of yours." _She's a fully fledged pervert! _

"I'm leaving! Can I have my rubber band at least?" I ask her, noticing the small band on her wrist. She drops it into my open palm and hugs me tightly which surprises me.

"Thank you for saving me. I still haven't forgotten about that… I'll never be able to thank you enough." She whispers, her arms clutched even tighter around me. _ "_So go out there and do your best!" She laughs and walks away, her hand in the air.

Before I could go though, arms wrap around me and pull me into their grip. I look up just enough to catch silver hair, telling me that it's Jean hugging me. Without thinking, I hug him back, realizing that in the back of my head, I could die today. _I wish I could stay like this forever, his arms around my waist, mine tucked under his arms clutching his shoulders, his head set on top of mine. _

He pulls away and I instantly grab Marco to hug him to. _He hugs like Jean, but lighter and more fragile. Like I am a soft flower that needs to be held gently, but still firm enough that it doesn't float away._ I realize at that moment, I like being held by both of them the exact same amount.

"Both of you be careful!" I instantly run away, my face burning with the passion of a billion suns. _I can't believe I actually did that! I can't believe I actually have feelings for both of them! That's so pathetic!_


	12. Chapter 12

Once I reach the top, I notice two other cadets standing there, talking to each other easily. _They must be the two in my group. _They are both male and very similar looking; tall with blond layered hair and green eyes. They look to me at the same moment, a nervous grin on their face.

"You must be Cadet El Koehler! Let us introduce ourselves. I'm Marc Meyer, former Graduate of the 103rd trainee's and current Stationary Guard member." He takes my hand in his and shakes politely. _Wait… They aren't CADETS?! I'm leading two already graduates with more experience than me?! How is this possible? Was there a mistake?!_

"I'm Simone Meyer, former graduate of the 103rd trainees. I'm also a part of the Stationary Guard. I heard you were swallowed by a Titan and somehow managed to cut off its head from the inside and escaped… is this true?" Simone boldly asks, amazement in his eyes. _Word really does get around quickly._

"I… Yeah, that was me. But I don't think it's really that big of a deal." I tell them and they exchange disbelieving looks.

"You don't think getting swallowed by a Titan and _living _is that big of a deal?! What kind of person are you?" I start to pull back the slightly greasy hair, having not been properly washed with a grin on my face.

"I don't even understand myself at this point, so I won't be able to answer your question properly. But that doesn't matter. Let's do our best today, alright? No combat should be required, so just follow my lead and we should be fine." _Yes. Follow the lead of a female cadet younger than you. I highly doubt-_

"Right leader!" _Eh? _"Don't be so shocked. When the Titan's invaded Trost, I was literally frozen in my place. I think I remember seeing you once when I was passing through the middle guard. You had just finished killing a Titan, no hesitation what so ever. I would be proud to have you as our leader. It's not about rank or age, but about heart you know." Simone declares, patting my back roughly as I give them an unsure smile.

"Koehler Squad! Go to sector four on the East side of Trost! Distract all Titan's that come close while avoiding all necessary battle." We are ordered and I give one last fleeting glance to the giant crowd on the West side of the wall before shooting the hooks outwards.

"Stay behind or beside me at all times! Do not go ahead in case there is a hidden Titan. If so, I will deal with it. Alright?" Then I am flying through the air towards the green smoke, the signal that marks mission start.

"Titan on the left side about ten meters away! Heading towards us!" I turn sharply to see a Titan with abnormally long arms, barely a neck, and protruding eyes. _Its arms are swinging, so we need to keep a distance. Its eyes have more of a looking angle because of how protruded they are. Our best goal is to try and stay behind it at all costs._

"Its field of vision is greater than the average! Stay behind it while staying away from it! Don't get your wire caught! I'll grab its attention from the front and you guys stay on either side, got it?" They both nod and we both turn towards the Titan who is now walking towards where Eren is supposed to be. With careful precision of not being seen at first, I swing around the Titan's face, instantly catching its attention.

Just like I hoped, it turns around to where I was swinging and reaches towards me. _Longer arms means I need to make sure my range is wider! _I do a quick drop to the ground as the two brothers cross paths in front of the Titans face, confusing it. Apparently our distraction is working so well that another two Titan's from behind it start coming towards us too.

"What's the plan?" Samuel demands as we fly through the air, only a few meters ahead of the lead Titan with the long arms.

"Keep going straight! They are too close make any turns, because the long armed Titan will catch one of us easily. If there is any chance of making a turn, do it! This is going to sound terrible, but if one of you are caught and can't be saved, the other shouldn't try and save. There's too many to fight off, even if there are two of us. Got it?"

"Sorry, but that is one rule we can't follow. We promised to protect and die together." Marc states, looking over to his brother with an encouraging look.

"I thought the same way too as I was watching my best friend and sister get eaten by Titan's, but do you honestly want to be the reason your brother dies? I know my sister would have been angry if I had tried to help her." I mutter the last part to myself. "But I will do everything in my power, if at all possible, to get us all out of here alive.

"The flare! It's red! The mission failed…" Marc mutters to himself, a glare on his face. "They should be telling us to retreat soon."

"Imagine how many people died because of a bad call." Samuel adds, but I ignore the complaining brothers. Instead, when I look over, I see a few groups of cadets running along the wall. _That's Jean and the others! The mission failed… Why are they still going?! Don't tell me…_

"Don't expect to retreat. The mission is still on!" I yell at them and I can feel their shock radiating over to me. "Our term is almost over though. Turn now! Head for the wall!" _I was told to be done once the cadet groups make it out here. I'll make sure these two get to safety then I'm helping everybody else._

"Got it!" I take a sharp turn to the right, making sure that the Titan's see me so that the other two boys can go a little bit farther without interruption.

"What are you doing?!" Samuel yells as the Titans turn around to follow me.

"I'm not done yet! Get your asses to the wall!" I quickly dodge a Titan who throws its entire body at me, completely obliterating a building. I land roughly on another ceiling only for a second before I am dodging another attack. _Time to lose these assholes! _But two of them are no longer attacking me, but turning around with confusion. "Jean?! What are you doing here?"

"You are supposed to be on the wall!" He snaps at me, barely dodging the long armed Titan.

"I'm not leaving until I know for a fact that everybody is safe! Now you go back to your team and I will handle myself!"

"No! You come join our group if you are for sure staying down here!" Jean offers, but I am already flying away from him. _I'll be watching you, but from a distance. I can take down a few Titan's on the way. Or maybe see what is up with Marco and his team. Or I should really go back onto the wall. It would be the best option. But… _

For a few minutes, I do nothing but collect my own private horde of Titan's that follow me around everywhere I go, ranging from 3 meters to almost 10 meters.

"Now… Where should I take all of you? I should keep you away from people… What to do. What to do." I look back towards the wall to see Jean, Connie, and Annie scaling the wall. _I guess this is my time to go! _I quickly shift through the buildings, increasing speed to gain the right amount of distance required to climb the wall. Within the next minute, I am on top of the wall next to the three, taking deep breaths.

"You had your own personal collection of fans down there." Connie laughs, pointing downwards while Jean clutches his chest.

"What happened?! You look terrified!" I grab Jean's shoulder, only for him to react quickly with him wrapping his arms around me.

"I'm sorry! I almost gave up again!" He immediately apologizes as Connie turns away slyly, looking down at the city.

"What do you mean-"

"Hey guys! Look at that!" Connie yells and I lightly push Jean away to see the Titan that Eren had possessed with the giant boulder on his back. _Oh my god… He is doing it! But what about all of the Titan's around him!?_

"I'm going to go help protect him!" I declare, leaving the others by themselves without hesitation. I know by heart and soul that they will follow since the fate of humanity on our shoulders. _Humanity is about to win for the first time ever! We just have to make sure that Eren get's that boulder into place! _"Don't die or I'll kill you!"

I depart from the others, fully intent on recollecting the horde of Titan's I had earlier. I see one a Titan on a lonely street walking towards Eren, a five meter.

"Hey dickless! Down here!" I yell at it, landing on the ground right behind it. It turns around and stare at me through squinted eyes, its mouth hanging open at a queer angle. I start running by foot away from it, and like expected, the abnormally slow creature follows me. I keep this up for a few seconds until I see a yellow flare shoot into the sky, calling the mission a success.

_We did it! _I turn down a street, only to see a dead end. I stare at it for a moment before I turn around sharply to see the Titan walking right past the entrance. _I minus well take it down while I'm here! _I run right back out and start to follow the Titan, forming a plan in my head.

I shoot out the hook and catch it in the ankle, intent on splitting it open so that it will fall over. As I squeeze the trigger to pull me forward, the Titan suddenly kicks its leg straight upwards, jerking my body forward roughly. "Fuck!" I curse loudly as I slam my head onto the ground before my body continues forward, flying up into the air, the wires still embedded deeply into its ankle. _The wire is stuck! It won't come out! I'm literally attached to the Titan! _It reaches forward with remarkable speed and grabs me around the waist, luckily sparing my arms from its grasp. "Fuck you." I growl, and then stab my blades into its hand, slicing quickly and expertly. I fall down, three of its fingers falling with me, somewhat cushioning my fall.

Without any hesitation, I pull the trigger once again, pulling my entire body forward fast enough I can slice open its ankle right where my hooks are, releasing me while knocking it over. I run on top of the still falling body, my blades fully prepared. I dig the brown boot into its neck and with as much force as I could use, I carve the deepest gash I could muster onto the weak spot. _I won't die now… I will keep living. I will kill anything that stands in my path, no matter what it is._

I hear large foot steps behind me and I spring into action, the blood lust flowing through my body once again. _Maybe it isn't about wanting to explore the world… Maybe I am having fun killing these bastards! The thrill of the kill, the tingle that runs through my body when it catches me… I think I love this!_

The abnormal Titan does a dive at me and I do a tuck roll to dodge the open mouth wanting to catch me. _Get on! _I jump onto the 10 meter Titan and attach the hooks to the greasy black hair, allowing me to land roughly on top of its head while it begins to stand up.

"So this is what riding a Titan feels like." I wonder out loud, jerking out the hooks when the Titan reaches over its head to grab me. With the use of the hooks, I manage to swing around the arms of the 10 meter and slice open the weak spot. While continuously spinning, I make my way around the 9 meter and stab the hooks to the ground, pulling my body forward. On the way down, I plunge the blade into its weak spot and continue to drag down along the length of its entire back.

Once I finally land on the ground, the three Titan's behind me beginning to decompensate, I lean on the blade for support, my breaths heavy.

"Well well, wasn't that quite the display?" I slowly look upwards to see a blond haired, blue eyed man standing there, a green cape around his shoulders.

"How long have you been standing there?" I demand, anger flooding into me that he would just sit by and watch me fight by myself. _Well, I would have gotten pissed if he would have intervened. Wait- Isn't that Commander Erwin Smith from the Scouting Regiment?! Did they finally show up? Shit! Did I sound disrespectful!? _I quickly jerk my fist over my heart and stand bolt straight up. "I didn't mean to show disrespect sir!"

"Calm down. What's your name and what part of the Stationary Guard are you from?" He asks, obviously unable to see the cadet patch on my jacket.

"My name is El Koehler sir, and I am only a cadet." I can see his eyes widen, even with the sun right behind him blinding me.

"You are a cadet and you did all of this?" He asks, pointing at the three bodies that are now nothing but bones.

"Yes sir-"An intense pain floods into my side and I fall to the ground, realizing that I shouldn't have taken it too hard. _Damn it. The adrenaline got to my head and blocked out the pain! I'm bleeding for wall's sake!_

"How bad were you hurt when you hit the ground?" Commander Erwin asks, suddenly appearing beside me.

"I got this injury from earlier today sir. I should have let it heal before coming onto this mission, but I didn't want to sit around when I knew I could at least do something." I explain, pulling my hand back slightly to see red on it. _The stitches must have come undone or something. _

"Will you be able to make it to the wall in the next minute?" He questions, looking up to see a Titan about two streets down.

"Tch. Of course I can." _I hope to God I can. _He stands up and stares down at me expectantly, waiting for me to stand. "You can go on ahead, sir. I'll be fine." I assure him, clutching my burning side tightly while forcing myself to stand up. _ I shouldn't have taken it too hard! I lost enough blood already. What if I can't make it to the wall? I don't think I can… He probably already knows I am a lost cause._

In the next instant, I am no longer on the ground but in the arms of Commander Erwin who has his grapple hooks ready to be shot.

"What are you doing!?" I snap, about tired of being carried around like I'm weak.

"Obviously you won't be able to make it to the wall in your condition so don't argue with me cadet. That's an order." He retorts, adding that last part as I start to open my mouth. I jerk my mouth shut and squeeze my eyes closed, not liking the feeling of being carried like this. _I'm probably getting blood all over his uniform. Why would he even care about a simple and probably useless cadet like me? He doesn't even know what branch I'm going to. Doesn't matter to me! I am just glad I can go back to Jean and Marco._

Once we finally reach the top, Jean is instantly there, his fist placed nervously over his chest while glaring darkly at me.

"You, take this girl to the infirmary. I don't have time to do it myself." Erwin orders Jean who more than happily takes me from Erwin who I felt was staring at me. _Probably thinking about how useless I am. Or stupid. If I'm lucky enough, he'll forget that I exist by tomorrow._


	13. Chapter 13

Commander Erwin Smith waits until the two are gone before he turns to Commander Pixis. Pixis looks over the city for a moment before walking over to him.

"Do you have any information on Cadet El Koehler?" Erwin asks, curiosity getting the better of him. _Skills like hers are rare, especially since this is only her supposedly second time to come into contact with Titans. Even injured, she was able to take down three and possibly more Titan's. She would make a perfect addition to the Scouting Regiment._

"Ah, that is the girl I have been hearing so much about?"Pixis asks surprised, not expecting the wild girl who had cut a Titan's head off from the inside to be in that condition.

"What do you mean?" Pixis grins and looks over to Erwin with wise golden eyes.

"I've been hearing from many different cadets and Stationary Guard members how a girl by the name of El Koehler was swallowed by a Titan, then proceeded to cut its head off from the inside. I wouldn't believe it, but there were many eye witnesses and so much. When she was taken to the infirmary the first time, she was reported to be covered in a strange slimy substance along with blood that wasn't her own. She would make a great addition to the Scouting Regiment, don't you think? If you want to tie her down while you can, I would do it quickly because she was also one of the top ten in her class. If you also want a little back history on her, she was one of those unfortunate enough to have lived in Shiganshina five years ago. Even more so, she was the only person in her family to make it out alive."

"Hm… That's all the information I need. Thank you Pixis. I will be on my way now." Erwin jumps down on the other side of the wall, his intentions to help his fellow fighting comrades. Pixis looks to the other peaceful side of the wall before taking a long drink out of his flask.

"This ought to be interesting."

* * *

"What the hell did you do this time?!" Jean snaps at me once we reach the bottom of the wall on the other side.

"I went on a rampage and may have hit the ground a little too hard again." I awkwardly laugh, looking away when he gives me a sharp look. "I think I'll be resting for the next day… Is there any other place you can take me instead of the infirmary?"

"No. I have orders to take you to an infirmary or else I would take you somewhere else. In all honesty, I don't like that Commander Erwin guy. He seems very suspicious to me anyways." Jean explains and I try to crane my head around his body to see the top of the wall. I give up and drop my head onto his chest, my body feeling heavy.

"Are Marco and Sofia okay?" I look up at him, beginning to pick at the dirt and grime on his shirt. He looks behind him for a moment before giving me a small nod.

"I'm pretty sure they were right behind me, but you need to be worrying about yourself right now." Jean scolds for the thousandth time today.

"You know that's impossible for me to do. It's natural for me to worry about those close to me. That's the only reason I didn't go to the safety of the wall, because I was so scared that one of you would end up dead. I'm just glad you are all alive." I sigh, closing my eyes with a small smile.

"Koehler! What happened to you?" I look up to see Marc and Samuel helping some of the injured people. _We are already here? _

"One of my earlier injuries opened up. I'm fine, so don't worry about it." I wave them off while Jean looks to find an open spot on the ground. Once he locates a nice location furthest from the open wall, he sets me down. I look around to see a girl one side of me missing an arm, unconscious, and another boy with his head wrapped up, unconscious.

"I feel like my injury isn't so bad I need to be in the infirmary." I state, holding my hand to the blood stained shirt. "I probably just need to get new stitches, wrap up the wound, and go."

"You have to stay here for at least one night." Jean bribes and I rub my hand across the hard ground with a grouchy expression.

"I don't want to sleep on the wooden ground. If I stay here tonight, you have to as well. If one suffers the other one will too." I grin, grabbing his hand and tugging down sharply.

"What is your real motive here?" Jean sighs, readjusting himself to sit beside me and against the wall. I look around for a few seconds before I fall over to where my head is on his leg. He literally jumps up, almost dropping my head onto the concrete.

"I need a pillow." I mutter, my exhaustion taking over all at once. Within seconds, my body feels heavier then lead.

"Then sit up for a minute. If I am sleeping here, I want to be comfortable too." I reluctantly sit up, my eyes still closed as I can hear him moving around behind me. I fall back against the wall, wanting nothing but to just pass out. After a few seconds, an arm goes around my shoulders and pulls me to the left.

I open my eyes for a moment, only to close them again once I realize I am just lying on his shoulder.

"This reminds me of that one day in training when I didn't sleep at all and you let me sleep on your shoulder. Only this time, I have longer to do so." I mutter, trying to block out the cries and moans of pain.

"This time I can sleep too." Jean yawns, dropping his head onto mine. After a few seconds of just sitting there, I find myself slowly falling asleep. _There's no way I don't have feelings for Jean._

* * *

A few hours later, Jean wakes up to repeated cannon fire probably from the wall. _Marco probably doesn't know where we are. Elsie and I can find him once she wakes up. She needs a few more hours of sleep at least. _Jean hears a few gasps of surprise from the entrance and he turns to see what is causing the commotion.

Standing in the entrance is Commander Erwin, looking around the vast room with calculating eyes. _That bastard is probably looking for Elsie. I hope I am hiding her from his field of vision. _Erwin wouldn't be fooled though. The minute he rested eyes on the boy looking away from him, the one who had taken the soldier from yesterday, he started walking towards them.

Jean glares at the wall and looks straight at Erwin, but refuses to stand up. Once the man stops in front of the two smaller cadets, Jean tries his hardest to keep his face blank.

"What are you doing here?" Is all Commander Erwin asks and all of the warning signs in Jean's head start flashing rapidly.

"I'm here to watch Elsie, sir." Jean answers and Erwin cocks his head with an amused glance.

"That cadet told me her name was El Koehler, if I am not mistaken." Jean bites on the inside of his cheek, trying his hardest not to make a smart ass response that could land him in jail.

"Her childhood name is Elsie but she prefers to be called El. As her childhood friend, I still call her Elsie." Jean winces when Erwin smirks at the 'friend' label that he had just planted on himself. _He's way older then Elsie, there's no way he could do anything to grab her attention. _"With all due respect sir, what are you doing here?"

"Me? I just wanted to have a small talk with this very talented cadet. Who are you and what branch do you intend on entering cadet?" Erwin asks and Jean bites his cheek even harder.

"Jean Kirschstein and I plan on entering the Military Police, sir." Jean wanted nothing better to do then shove the sir part right up his-.

"I see. And how about your _friend _there?" Erwin enunciates the friend part, and Jean immediately knew the hostility here wasn't one sided. Jean absolutely did not want to answer because he knew he was losing her to be under this guys command.

"I'm joining the Scouting Regiment." Elsie mutters, leaning up slightly to rub her slightly open eyes. Both boys stare at her for a moment, taking in the sight that beheld them. "My hair feels gross… I need to bathe…" Obviously she was still half awake from the way her dazed eyes were taking in the scene around her, and the way she struggles to find the rubber band in the large bun of hair. "Jean, I can't find the rubber band."

"Fine, but Commander Erwin is here to see you." Jean tells the flustered girl, and her eyes immediately focus back into place.

* * *

_Wait, who is here?! That Commander Erwin guy is already back to see me? What does he want? Oh god I was half awake when I said… Well I do kind of need one._

"Oh, sorry sir for saying something so weird." I apologize, using the wall to help me stand up. _What time is it? Is that cannon fire in the back ground? How long did I sleep?_

"It's alright. You did just wake up after all." Commander Erwin offers a half smile, something that looks awkward on his serious looking face.

"Right. So, what do you wish to tell me, sir?" I ask swiftly, helping Jean to locate the annoying head band. _Maybe it really would be easier to chop it off._

"I would like to speak to you in private, if that's alright with your friend." I can see the visible twitch in Jean when Erwin says friend. _Is it just me, or is there something like a tension here?_

"That's fine. Jean, can you try and find Marco or Sofia? I want to make sure they are okay too. Um, sir? How long will this conversation last?" I ask, completely ready to get out of this damned place riddled with misery.

"It all depends on you. Let's go, shall we?" Erwin asks, setting his hand on my shoulder and leading me away from Jean who is still standing there.

"So… Um…" I mutter, rubbing a piece of black hair between my fingers delicately.

"You know, I was more than shocked to see your performance. You may look all sweet and innocent on the outside, but that look in your eyes when you took down those Titan's is something I rarely see."

"Look? What did I look like?" I ask with confusion, then realize that he called _me _sweet and innocent looking. I put my hand to my burning cheek, trying to think about which part of me actually was like that.

"It's hard to describe, but I think I know talent when I see it. Now, _Elsie_, what branch do you intend on entering?" I almost trip over my own feet when he calls me the despised name that only sounds good when Jean or Marco says it.

"Sir, could you please only call me El? That is my enlisted name and I wish to be called as such." I state, trying not to sound hostile but failing. _Jean probably accidentally called me Elsie when they were talking. _"But I do intend on joining the Scouting Regiment. That has been my goal since I joined the military with no wavering or hesitation what so ever."

"I would think you would want the safe life with the Military Police with your friend in there, especially after you saw what they could do at Shiganshina." _Well hasn't somebody been doing their research? _I think to myself, sliding my eyes over to him to see him staring at me openly with his calculating blue eyes.

"Which is more of a reason to join the Scouting Regiment, because I know exactly what they can do, which is why I didn't die at Trost when they sent us in to help evacuate the citizens. I already knew what they could do and what I needed to watch out for. Those who died weren't prepared for what was going to happen or was because of the end when everybody was running out of gas and headquarters was taken over. Now, I have a question for you sir, if you don't mind." He gives me another surprised look but goes ahead and gives me the 'okay' to ask him. "What is it like to be the Commander of the branch that everybody detests the most? What's it like to know so many people have died under your command?"

"Well aren't you a bold little one?" Commander Erwin asks, stopping to lean against a wall. I stand beside him respectfully, but my curiosity getting the best of me. _I wonder how it really must feel. Well if I am to get my answers, why not take advantage of it now? _"I don't have an exact answer to give you, so maybe you will have to seek the answers for yourself. How would you feel if you had to lead a bunch of fellow soldiers who put their trust in you, only to have over half of them killed? Also, how would you feel if you constantly had people trying to destroy your branch completely?"

"They chose the path of the Scouting Regiment by themselves, so it shouldn't be me to be blamed in the first place. Of course I would explain to the people wanting to join how low their survival rate is so they clearly understand. And for the other branches that would look down on me, it would only be because they are too cowardly themselves to do what needs to be done. Besides, I wouldn't have any reason to join the military if the Scouting Regiment didn't exist. The Stationary Guard literally had nothing to do until the Colossal Titan attacked and even then, I watched most of them die because they were too scared to do anything. And what exactly does the Military Police do other then yell at citizens and brown nose the king all day?" _Sorry Jean, but that's how I honestly feel about the Military Police. _"Oh, sorry. I didn't mean to rant…"

"You know, you would make a great leader one day." Commander Erwin praises, but I only roll my eyes.

"Careful with what you say to simple minded Cadet like me. I might try to go for your position." He only laughs at my statement, as if he thought I was kidding. _Now that I think about it… Could I even handle his position?_

"I'm not sure you could handle my position. You have to have many qualifications that rarely anybody has." This time, it was my turn to laugh only in a sarcastic manner.

"Are you saying I don't have a chance?" I demand while giving Commander Erwin the sharpest look I could muster.

"Are you saying you could?" Erwin counters and I realize that he actually thinks that I could. _Reverse psychology? I guess he is pretty smart if he can twist my mind within a few seconds._

"If I wanted to, I could."

"What is stopping you from trying?"

"Sir, you are basically telling a _cadet _to try and take _your _position. Plus, I've seen some of the people in the Special Ops, and I must say I probably have no chance against them. Not only that, but Mikasa Ackerman is becoming a part of the Scouting Regiment and she is about a thousand times better than I am, so I stand no chance against her."

"It's not only about the ability to kill. You have to be able to _lead _people and do it the right way. You have to have the knowledge to create plans and you have to have the power to make people follow them. Not only that, but you have to have at least three or more different back up plans because you need to think about every possibility. You have to be able to make people believe what you are saying is the absolutely right thing and that is a lot harder than it sounds. Finally, you have to have people respect you, not be scared of you. Out of all the Special Op members, not a single one of them could fulfill every single one of these qualifications. Mostly because they don't want my position, but you are a different case, aren't you?" Erwin asks as I roll my eyes.

"I never even thought of it until you brought it up, sir."

"But you are thinking about it now, aren't you?" _Like I said, this is probably what he was expecting in the first place. This whole conversation is going exactly his way, I can tell by the look in his eye._

"That's what you wanted, isn't it?" I push myself off of the wall and turn around to look at him. "What exactly were you expecting out of this conversation, before you knew I wanted to be in the Scouting Regiment?"

"First of all, I wanted to make sure you were going to enter into the Scouting Regiment and then I would see what happened from there." He explains, and then I realize he had planned it out along the way, making his intelligence level sky rocket.

"As I thought. There is no way I can be a leader." I mutter, grabbing my head with confusion. _I completely thought of it all the wrong way. _A soldier from the Garrison suddenly approaches us and salutes Commander Erwin with his fist over his heart.

"Sir! You are needed to help kill the remaining Titan's!" The soldier tells him and he sighs loudly before straightening up.

"I'll be there in a minute." He tells the boy and then turns back to me. "It just takes practice, but I really see the potential in you. I look forward to talking to you again, very soon."

"Good bye Commander Erwin. I enjoyed our talk and please be careful." I salute him and he gives me another one of his 'smiles' before taking off, leaving me alone. I stand there for a minute before using my 3DMG to jump on a roof, fully intent of finding Jean and everybody else. _Some lunch would do me good. _I look upwards to see the Stationary Guard on top of the wall, using the cannons to kill as many Titan's as they could.

_Here coming tomorrow, we will have to start going through the bodies to indentify who is who and to make sure there isn't an epidemic. _My stomach churns at the thought, but I push it to the back of my mind. _I want to be the one to find Mina's body. I want to make sure that I treat her body with care, no matter how bad it looks._


	14. Chapter 14

"You look for Marco and I'll look for Sofia, got it?" I tell Jean as we stand on top of the wall, looking down at the large city littered with corpses.

"They are probably together looking for us too." Jean rolls his eyes as he pulls the white cloth around his mouth to prevent any toxins from entering his body. I pull on the long gloves and look over the city before I see Armin standing there, nervously staring at the city.

"Armin, I have a favor to ask of you!" I call out to him and he almost jumps out of his skin. He looks over to me and I stop right in front of him, Jean right in tow.

"What do you need El?" He asks, pulling his own gloves on.

"I want you to take me to where Mina is." Jean gives me an incredulous look while Armin looks to the ground. "I want to be the one to find her and recognize her, not anybody else. As her best friend, it should be me to move her."

"If that's what you want." Armin responds uncertainly, and then jumps off the wall and I follow him. Jean decides to go elsewhere, knowing that I want to do this alone. After quickly flying through the buildings, Armin stops on top of a roof. "Somewhere around here, I'm certain of it."

"Thank you Armin. You can go now." He nods and leaves as fast as he could, guilt from before probably eating at him. I stand there for a minute before I drop to the ground, about four dead bodies around me. The first three bodies I look at I can tell from different ways that they are not Mina. The last body though, missing the head and half of the torso, I recognize. In her wrist is a small handmade beaded bracelet that I had given to Mina half way through training.

I lean down and carefully pull off the bracelet, trying to ignore how cold and stiff her body was. Once the bracelet is off, I shove it into my jacket pocket then look upwards to see a woman standing there, her eyes completely empty.

"Do you know the name of this soldier?" She asks me and I nod.

"Mina Carolina, a Cadet from the 104th Trainee Squad." I tell her, then turn away, realizing I really won't be able to handle picking up her decaying body. _I can't do it… I really can't do it…_

"Thank you." She walks away, leaving me to stand there by myself with tears starting to prick my eyes.

"Elsie!" I hear a voice cry and I turn around, only to be knocked to the ground by a body. I struggle for a moment before I realize that it's Marco hugging me so tightly.

"Marco! Where have you been all this time!?" I demand, hugging him back with a relieved sigh. He pulls back, tears glistening in his normally brown eyes.

"I don't even know… I don't have any memories of the past two days and somehow I wake up to people all around me! I try to call out to them but they all ignored me. I decided to try finding you or Jean and I finally found you! I was hoping you wouldn't ignore me either or else I really wouldn't be able to handle it." He sobs, and I rub his back comfortingly.

"Everybody is probably still overly shocked about finding their closest comrades dead. Let's go find Jean and I can assure you that everything is fine." I pull him up, and realize that his skin is freezing cold. "Are you sick? Your hand is really cold."

"I don't feel sick. I actually feel fine." He tells me while we walk down the street, in no rush anymore. When I finally see him, I immediately realize that something is wrong by the way he was staring down at a body. I run up to him, fear clinging to me that it was actually Sofia he was staring down at. Only, who he was staring at was somebody that I wasn't at all expecting.

"What. What the hell?" I whisper, staring down at the half missing body of Marco. "There is no way this is possible… This can't be him." I turn around to see Marco standing there, his eyes dark with despair.

"It wasn't a dream… I'm really dead…" Marco mutters, and I want nothing more than to grab Marco and hold him as close as I could, but I was about to fall apart myself. For the first time in a long time, tears start streaming down my face openly. Every other time, I was able to conceal my tears, but now; I don't even want to hide it. This situation with me somehow being able to see Marco's ghost, while staring down at his dead body, right next to Jean, with Marco's ghost realizing that he is also dead.

"Marco… This isn't fair… This just isn't fair…" I wail, dropping to the ground in front of Marco's body. "There's no way this is him… There's absolutely no way. He was fine just the other day, how could this happen to him?" Jean drops down beside me and pulls me to his shaking chest.

"Don't look anymore. Come on; let's leave him to somebody else." Jean urges me, brushing his fingers through my hair in a motion that makes my heart swell even more. The familiar feeling of lead takes over my body, making it next to impossible to pick myself up. _There's no way I would be a good leader. If this is how I react to the death of a close comrade, then I have no right to be a leader. My mind isn't strong enough for this._

"Elsie, calm down. I don't want you to be so upset over my death." Marco sets his cold hand on my shoulder and I look up at him, trying to stop the tears. Jean's arm around my waist and head tightens, his heart hurting just as much as mine. Only he has the ability to keep it inside, unlike me. _He's the real leader. _"I know this isn't a good time, but I wanted to let you know Sofia also passed away, but peacefully."

Jean finally manages to stand up, supporting both of us in the process. I refuse to turn around, but instead stare at Marco's ghost. _Seeing somebody as strong as me break down like that, I must look pathetic._

"It's about time you cried though. I knew you were bottling up the death of Mina, so I'm glad I could finally get you to release those pent up feelings before they became over bearing. Plus, only real leaders show their weaknesses in front of people." _How am I able to feel him and see him when nobody else is able to? Wait, why is Marco still here when nobody else is? I would imagine Mina being here too if that was the case. _

"Sofia… She is also…" I manage to choke out, ignoring the stares from the people around me. Jean's grip tightens on me when he realizes that I literally just lost everybody I ever became close to in the past two days, other than him.

"Don't worry. You still have me. I won't leave you, ever. Just promise me, you won't leave me either, okay?" _He's scared, just like I am. He's scared to lose me just like I am scared to lose him. Is the Scouting Regiment the smartest choice for me? I don't want to leave Jean all alone. Sorry Commander Erwin, but maybe I should be in the Military Police with Jean. I'm just another weak minded cadet like I thought._

"I still have ninety four titans to go." _That's right… I've killed six titans in the past two days. I wonder how I managed to do that…_

After a few minutes, Jean and I are walking silently side by side, ready to leave this place already. Marco is walking on the other side of me, looking around slowly, as if he was still trying to comprehend that he was no longer alive and that nobody could see him but me. _I am still wondering why only I can see him._

Later that night, all of the remaining 104th trainees plus many Stationary Guard members stand in a crowd, about six different fires burning the collected corpses. I stand next to Jean and right behind Connie, who is on the ground, tears streaming from his eyes.

"After all the training we did… Endurance runs, horseback riding, unarmed combat, lectures on strategy, technical skills, vertical maneuvering practices… We worked so hard. We did so much. Was it all for nothing?" Jean gets on his knees right next to the fire and picks up a piece of bone. I look up slightly to see Marco standing there, right next to Jean with his hand on his shoulder.

I walk over to Jean on the other side of Marco and set my hand on his other shoulder, staring into the orange-red flames that engulf the soldiers who gave their lives today. _Marco Bott, Mina Carolina, Sofia Kiatt, and everybody else. You did great. I will live on and carry my memories of you with me so you won't ever officially die._

Jean clutches the piece of bone in his hand tightly, still staring at the ground with dark eyes. _I wish Jean was the one able to see Marco, not me. It would do him better._

"What… What should I do now?" He mutters, and then looks up towards the fire. He glances towards me before standing up and turning to everybody else. He takes heavy steps towards them and I decide to take that opportunity to slowly set my hand on Marco's, just to see if I can still feel him. Just like I thought, he felt like a completely solid person, only to me though.

"I'm sorry Marco… This shouldn't have happened to you…" I whisper quietly, looking up to the black sky while Marco leans on me slightly. "I wish Jean was able to see you too. I don't know how much he must be hurting right now…"

"You shouldn't leave him alone for the next few days." Marco tells me, letting go of my hand and walking towards Jean.

"Hey you guys… Have you decided which branch of the military you're gonna apply to?" Jean asks them, his body as stiff as a bored. I stop right next to him as everybody starts to stare at him, probably glad that somebody else is breaking the silence. "I've decided… I…" He starts shaking while lifting his enclosed fist up to his chest, his eyes becoming even more pain filled. "I'm going to join the Scouting Regiment."

Then he just broke down, his sobs coming easily even though there were so many people around him. Marco immediately pushes me towards him, and I knew what I had to do. It is my turn now, to comfort him when he is in his weakest state. I don't have time to beg him to stay in the Military Police. I can't think selfishly, not when Jean is in so much pain.

I come up behind him and wrap my arms around his frame, make sure to connect my hands in front of him right over the hand holding the unknown bone. I lean my head against his back as he continues to make heart wrenching noises, the people around us looking away with equally pained eyes. I turn to look towards Marco who only gives me a sympathetic look.

"I guess I really did have an impact. I'm actually happy though. I got both of you to show how you were truly feeling instead of hiding it like you usually do. I'm glad… I am genuinely happy for you." Marco wipes away some of his tears, a smile on his face given his situation. Jean turns around and grabs my hand, pulling me away from the fire.

"Where are we going?" I ask him, making sure that I am walking beside him. He doesn't let go of my hand, even though people are now looking after us.

"I don't want to be alone tonight, and I know you don't either. Even if it's just for tonight, please just stay with me." He stops and looks down at me, his eyes shadowed and dark. I stare at him for a moment before I avert my eyes downwards, embarrassment over coming my body. After a few seconds, Jean takes my other hand and pulls me close to him until his forehead is touching mine.

"Please." My heart swells at the pain in his voice and I understand that this is for comfort, not for any impure reason.

"Where are you staying? I've been staying in the barracks." I tell him, pulling back slightly so that I could at least look up at him. He looks down at me surprised before he looks away with a shy expression.

"I've been staying at my mother's until I was called to go to the Military Police… But now… Elsie listen, I know-"

"No. We aren't going to talk about your decision. It isn't up to me what you do, it's what you feel is right. Of course I'm upset that you won't be safe, but at least we are going to be together, right?" I ask, bringing my fist back and gently pressing it right over his heart. "You just do what you feel is right in your heart."

Jean stands there for a moment before he places his hand over my fist, finally returning somewhat of a smile, even if it was troubled.

"And I am. Being with you is the only thing I need in this world at the moment." I stare up at him and I realize that my heart is thudding at an abnormal pace. _I never noticed how handsome Jean really is… Or how soft his hand is… Or how much I like being this close to him. _I immediately jerk backwards at such thoughts, my face turning a dark red.

"What's the matter?"Jean asks me, looking down at his hand with surprise. I look around quickly, trying to find an excuse, only to find nothing. "We are almost there." I wrap my arms around myself, trying to keep warm, even with the thick brown jacket on.

"Now that I watch you two, I realize how annoying this is!" Marco whines, somehow floating so that he is literally right in front of me, his face an inch from mine. _I have to keep acting like he isn't there. I don't think Jean can handle the fact that I can see Marco when he can't. _"Wait… Only you can see me right? Then I guess I can do this without any consequences."

Marco grabs my shoulders and pulls me forward, his lips connecting with mine in a soft kiss. My entire body freezes mid-step, my eyes wide and staring at Marco who is now pulling back slightly.

"Elsie, are you alright?" Jean asks, as Marco brushes his fingers through my hair once then looks over to Jean.

"I beat you to it! You're too slow!" Marco yells at him, his fists on his hips as he juts out his chest with pride. I press my hands against my lips as I stare in a daze, Jean's voice barely breaking through my mind. _Marco… He… he actually really kissed me. _"I've wanted to do that for a while now. I guess I'm satisfied until Jean and you become together. Then it's going to be hard."

"Elsie! Get a hold of yourself!" Jean yells at me, shaking me until I finally come back to reality. I look around quickly before I focus my eyes back onto Jean.

"Uh… Sorry… I guess I am just so out of focus today." I lie, setting my hand in my hair. Jean gives me a sympathetic look before leading me to a small familiar house. "It hasn't changed."

"That's my mom for you." Jean jokes, walking up to the door only for it to open quickly. Out steps Jean's slightly weighted mother who looks down to me with such adoring eyes.

"Oh Elsie! I haven't seen you since you were a little girl! You have grown up so well." She wraps me into her arms which decide to awkwardly pat her back. "If I would have known you two were coming, I would have prepared more room. I have some guests over so you two will have to share a room. Is that okay?" _She's devious!_

"Ya, that's okay." Jean answers for me, pushing me lightly into the house while I'm still staring at his mom who gives me a coy look.

"You can wear some of my old clothes so you can get out of that suffocating outfit." Jean's mom offers, pulling lightly at one of the brown straps around my waist.

"Th-thank you…" _I haven't had a mother figure in over five years. It's kind of weird for her to suddenly start acting like one towards me._

Once we are in the warm and lively house, Jean's mom hands me a dress and sends me off towards the bathroom. I stand in there for a moment, just staring at my reflection in the mirror.

"Feel free to use the shower." Jean tells me through the door and I listen to his footsteps walk away. I brush my fingers through the black locks slowly, the mental exhaustion from today becoming clear.

"Are you gonna use that shower opportunity?" Marco suddenly asks, appearing out of thin air while upside down. I try my hardest not to screech at the sudden appearance and instead trip on my own two feet to fall onto the ground.

"I'm not going to use it if you are here!" I snap, covering my chest even though I am completely clothed. Marco grows a pouty face before turning towards the corner and planting himself so that he is facing away from me. "If you move from that corner Marco, I will make you suffer."

"Anything can't be as bad as the situation I'm in. Though now that I think about it, I don't have to fight Titan's anymore, or be in fear of them. It's strange though that not even I can see everybody else who died. Well I did at one point, but not anymore." While Marco was talking, I decided I would take advantage of being able to use a shower.

Once I was in the stall, I blasted the water and felt a warm sense of comfort in the burning hot water.

"Turn the hotness down. You are going to sear your skin and if you do that, I'll have to go in there and turn it down for you." Marco scolds and I let out an over exaggerated sigh before turning down the hotness, normally used to five minute freezing cold showers. I try to get as much of my hair clean, but of course with the length I have some problems. When I look over the stall, I see that Marco had disappeared again, hopefully not invisible and staring at me. At that thought, I quickly shut off the water and tug the dress on. It's a little over sized, but that's probably because of how skinny I am from those two years of hell.

I slowly walk out of the bathroom and look straight across to see a door slightly propped open, the lamp on. I decide to try that room first and I am lucky to find Jean already laying on the bed, his back to me. I look around for a moment before I blow out the lamp, encasing the room in darkness. _I can do this. Just lay down right next to him. His back is to me, so there shouldn't be an issue._

My mechanical like body gets on top of the bed, then slowly under the covers. I lay there for a moment, staring up at the ceiling with a bright red face. After a few minutes, when I realize that Jean is in fact asleep, I flip onto my side so that I may stare at his back.

_ I'm scared to go to sleep. After everything I've seen today, there is no way I'm not going to have nightmares… Maybe I should just stay up all night. I'll deprive myself of sleep until I can forget everything that has happened. _

Jean starts to mutter something in his sleep and I listen carefully even though the room is completely silence other then the laughing in the distance from the adults. He murmurs another phrase that has my heart stuck in my throat.

"Marco… Don't leave me…" Tears start to fill my eyes and without any hesitation, I scoot closer to him and wrap my arm around his stomach. I press my forehead against his back, trying my hardest to provide him as much comfort as I could. Finally, the tears leak over my eyes and tiny hiccups escape from my lips. _Damn it! I can't make too much noise or else I'll wake Jean up._

I clutch the front of Jean's shirt tightly, not knowing if I'm comforting Jean or myself at this point. After a few seconds, a tremor runs down Jean's body. I pull back slightly, confused on what that tremor was. Jean's head turns slightly and that's when I realize that he had just woken up. My body freezes when I realize that I have been caught red handed with my arm around Jean.

I didn't know what he would do when he figured out what I was doing, but I was not at all expecting him to do what he did in the next few seconds. He grabs my arm and flips over, using that opportunity to pull me against his body, his arms held tightly around me. I lay there stiffly, my forehead now pressed against his chest with his head on top of mine.

I couldn't think of a single thing to say because my mind was completely blank. Luckily I didn't have to think of anything because Jean was the one to speak up.

"You better go to sleep." He states while wrapping his legs around mine as if he was trying his hardest to become even closer to me.

"I'm scared to…" I admit quietly, desperately wanting to wipe away the tears that are still staining his bed. Jean sighs and takes my hand in his, stringing his fingers between mine to make sure that I don't pull away.

"Me too. But now that you are here, I know I'll be fine. You can depend on me a little more Elsie. You are all I have now. Marco is gone and I didn't even realize he was missing until I saw his body… I wish I would have noticed that he wasn't with me on the wall… It's probably all my fault that he died. He probably blames me for his death…"

"No I don't!" Marco yells at the top of his lungs, tears now streaming down his face. "It's not your fault Jean! Don't blame yourself please!"

I quickly jerk myself upwards and press Jean against the bed, my hands grabbing his collar tightly. The light from the moon illuminates the room enough that I can see Jean staring up at me with wide shocked eyes. I don't blame him because I am in fact straddling him on his own bed, something that I never imagined myself doing to _any _man. That wasn't the case at the moment though.

"Don't you dare blame yourself for Marco's death! He didn't die because of you and you shouldn't even think that way. You did in fact notice that he wasn't around and you even went to go look for him! I didn't notice Sofia was gone until I was told she didn't make it. Marco wouldn't want you to blame yourself and I know that for a fact. You should too. Wasn't it you who told me not to blame myself for Mina's death? I know it hurts Jean, because I'm hurting just as much as you are. In the past five years, I have lost almost everybody close to me except for you. I'm hurting Jean, but I finally found it in myself not to hurt myself even further by blaming myself. You need to do the same. You still have me, your mother, and everybody else in the 104th squad. Until you realize this, you are just going to hurting yourself. Every time you are in pain, I'm in pain too!"

I then throw myself out off of his bed, grab my 3DMG, and leave the house as fast as I could so that he wouldn't see me cry anymore. _I just need to be alone even if Jean needs me right now. Maybe he needs some time to think about what I said before I come back. _I run as fast as I could down the street until I find a nice small corner to change into my uniform.

Once I have it on, I travel in the dark towards the wall so that I may sit on top of it alone without interruption. _I know it's dangerous to use your 3DMG at night, but I know what I am doing. _About ten minutes of walking, I finally reach the wall. I easily climb to the top just so that I could look over the vast and lit up land of Wall Maria.

"One day, all of this land will be ours again." I state, sitting down and hugging my knees to my chest. "I'll make sure to see everything so that Mina, Sofia, and Marco will be able to as well." I allow a few tears to escape my eyes, but I wipe them away just as they come.

"Well I never expected to run into you up here." I look upwards to see Commander Erwin standing there while staring down at me surprised. I quickly look back downwards, hoping he didn't see my tear stained face.

"I know I'm not supposed to use my 3D Maneuvering Gear at night, but I really needed to sir. I hope you can understand." I mutter, now looking up towards the moon.

"I guess I can make a special exception for you. How long do you plan on being up here though?" Erwin asks, just standing beside me while looking where I am.

"Until I'm done sir." I answer simply, hoping he understands what I mean. Luckily he doesn't question me, but stands with me in silence. "What about you? How long do you plan on being here, I ask this with no disrespect."

"Until you are done." He counters and I actually let out something like a choked laugh. I stand up and then look to him.

"What is it like out there?" I ask simply, trying to imagine a world that isn't held between the walls, a world that is so much different.

"It's large. There's plains everywhere that you could just run through for hours to days. I've done my research and there are those who speak of large amounts of waters called oceans filled with salt. There are giant elevated things called mountains that reach over 30,000 feet high covered with snow. They say that this earth stretches for millions of miles in one giant circle. If we can just find a way to get rid of these damned Titan's, we will be able to use the entire earth instead of what we are stuck with."

"I wouldn't want to stay in any one spot. Once we reclaim the land, I'm exploring this entire world even if I have to do it alone. I will never be in one spot longer than a day." I stand up and place my hands on my fists. "I will make sure that not a single part of this land is left undiscovered by me. I'll do it all and I refuse to die until I do so."

Erwin stares at me until I turn around and start to walk away. Instead of the easy exit I was expecting, my arm is grabbed and I am spun around. I stare up at Erwin who has a strong grip on my wrist, making sure that I am kept in place.

"No matter what, I won't allow you to explore these lands by yourself. I made a promise to my father that I would see the world for how it really is, even if it is illegal just to speak about it. If anything, I want you to accompany me as I discover the world for what it really is. Out of everybody in the Scouting Regiment, you are the one I could see myself travelling with. Everybody is in the Scouting Regiment to kill Titan's, not for the fact that there is a world beyond the walls. That's what makes you so different."

I stare open eyed at him, trying to comprehend what exactly is going on. Well, there's more of the 'I don't know how the fuck to respond' factor as well.

"I-I'm not sure what you are implying. I mean, if you want to go with me, that's fine. But wouldn't that be a little weird for you? I would think you would want to… you know, find a wife and stay with her. I mean, that's what men around your age should be thinking about anyways. Ack, I didn't mean it like that. I meant more of an, 'after the military' kind of deal. Unless you don't plan on quitting, until after we wipe out the titans. Even then, you should still start thinking about that stuff ahead of time. God damn it I'm rambling again!" I sigh with frustration, finding it in myself to just _shut up_.

Commander Erwin just laughs, completely opposite of what I was expecting. I was thinking he would be getting irritated or just snap at me to shut up. I give him an unsure look, trying to decide if I should be worried or not.

"You really are an interesting character!" He chuckles, and then focuses his lightened blue eyes on me once again. I look over the edge of the wall towards the city, actually considering just leaving at this point.

"I have to go back now. I kind of left without warning. Good night to you sir." I start to leave again, only to be grabbed once more. Without thinking, mostly out of frustration, I swing my foot around and catch him in the ankles. His entire frame falls downwards as he stares up at me with shocked eyes, only to receive the exact same look from me.

"Shit… Shit shit shit shit…" I curse, quickly backing away as Erwin starts to sit up while holding his head which just slammed against the ground. "I'm really sorry sir! Please forgive me!" I beg, and then once again without thinking, I jump over the edge of the wall to get as far away as possible from him. _I'm so dead! He is going to kill me! He is going to throw me into jail! I was just so tired of him grabbing me! I am so confused! I am so screwed!_

My foot catches on the ground and I go tumbling, my focus completely spent. _This might be my last day of freedom… I should have never left in the first place! This is all my fault… I'm such an idiot! Idiot idiot idiot idiot!_

"There you are Elsie! I've been looking everywhere for you!" Jean gasps as he drops down next to me, his breaths short and labored. I stare at him for a moment before I pull at my hair with irritation.

"Jean, I fucked up. I did the ultimate taboo and I am so screwed. I'm dead. I am so dead. I'm an idiot!" I quickly tell him, pulling even harder at my hair while Jean's eyes widen in fear.

"What did you do?! Please don't tell me you killed somebody. Please don't tell me that you are going to be taken away from me." He begs, leaning towards me with fear in his eyes.

"I went to go sit on the wall and Commander Erwin showed up. We talked and I started to leave but he stopped me and said all of these confusing things and when I tried to leave again, he grabbed me again and without thinking, I knocked him off of his feet! I don't even know what I was doing! I just kicked my foot outwards and knocked him straight off of his feet and he hit the ground. Then I _ran_. I just left and didn't even own up to it! What if he tries to kill me!? What if he puts me into jail?! What if he kicks me out of the military all together? I don't know what I would do if any of those went into play… Maybe I need to go on the run! I'll go to another district, maybe Karanese district… I heard it's a nice place."

"Elsie, I need you to shut up. We are going to work through this together and if you are kicked out of the military, I'm leaving too. If he tries to kill you, I am going with you. If he puts you in jail, I'll find a way to get you out. Don't you get it Elsie? You are the number one priority in my life right now and I will do everything I can to either protect you or be with you. Come on; let's get back to my house before he comes after you." Jean orders, grabbing my hand and pulling me onto my feet.

"Alright… I guess we will have to deal with it when the time comes." I mutter, allowing Jean to pull me away towards his house.


	15. Chapter 15

Once we sneak in through his house to his room, I stand at the door way silently. "Sorry for running away like that. It's just that-"

Jean wraps his arms around me and presses me against the door. I stand there for a moment before I reach my arms up so that I can return his embrace. Slowly, I begin to close my eyes, just enjoying the sound of Jean's quickly beating heart in his chest.

"You can't fall asleep standing up." Jean whispers, probably realizing that I'm trying to fall asleep when I started to slide downwards. I let out a small grunt, signaling that I can do what I want without his permission. I slowly reach my hands upwards to wrap them around his neck, hoping that at least will help me stay awake. "I'm picking you up."

Without giving me a chance to fight it or pull away, he bends down and picks me up princess style. I stare up at him, my arms still around his neck, with probably half open eyes. Jean walks over and sets me down on top of the bed, causing me to let out an approving groan. _The bed seems a lot more comfortable than before. _

I immediately grab a pillow and curl my body around it, trying to get even more comfortable. That is, until Jean get's into the bed and drapes his arm over me, just like before. Somehow, I feel all of the worries from before just melting away.

"You left your straps on." Jean informs me, pulling at a strap around my waist. I mutter an "I don't care" but apparently Jean does. "There is no way that those are comfortable to sleep in."

"I'm too tired to get them off. They are a pain to put on and a pain to take off." I state, hoping if I stop talking that Jean will just leave it alone. Of course not.

"Fine, if you are going to be that way, then I'll take them off for you." Jean sighs, beginning to mess with the strap around my waist. I try to swat his hands away, but he only starts laughing while trapping my body against his. "Too late now."

"I'll do it myself!" I declare my face an entirely new shade of red. He refuses to stop though, now using one hand to hold me in place while the other continues to unbuckle the strap around my waist. "Stop it!"

"At least allow me to do this." I grew too tired to fight anymore so I just went completely limp in his grip. I let out a breath of relief when the pressure from the straps is finally released.

"You are right… It feels better…" I murmur, flipping my body around like a log so that he can get the straps off of my upper half. Once that part is removed, I easily undo the straps around my thighs because even Jean knows that place is a no no. "Can I go to sleep now?" I demand after kicking off the last of the straps. Jean thinks to himself for a few seconds before he nods against the back of my head.

"Now's not a good time… It has to be perfect…" Jean says mostly to himself, but that doesn't stop me from wondering what he meant. Marco suddenly appears and crawls into the bed to lie on the other side of me.

"Don't mind me. Even as a ghost, I'm still tired… Elsie, you should make sure Jean's feet are okay. He was chasing after you barefooted." I let out a sigh, not sure what the sigh meant. Maybe irritation that Jean would put himself through pain for my sake, or relief that he actually went immediately after me, or anything else. At this point, I don't care. I just want to enjoy this moment with two of the closest people in my life, both right next to me.

I let out a yawn, no longer scared about experiencing nightmares. I should have been though… When I closed my eyes, my worst fears started to play out in my mind. Even if the dream came to me in almost a slide show like presentation, it still scared the shit out of me. _The first few pictures had Jean, Marco, Mina, Sofia and I standing on top of the wall, laughing and talking about the future. One by one though, they started falling off of the wall. Mina was the first to fall, head first over the edge without looking back at me. _

_I try to save her, but before I could reach the edge though, Sofia grabs me and pushes me backwards into Marco's arms. Then Sofia ends up toppling over the edge of the wall with a piercing scream, one that somehow only I could hear. Without realizing it, Marco gently puts me into Jean's arms and starts to walk towards the edge. I try to scream at him; anything I could do to stop him from leaving me, but a hand is placed over my mouth._

_I turn sharply to see not Jean, but Commander Erwin standing there with Jean standing on the edge, his head turned slightly so that I can see the fear in his eyes. I try to reach out to him, but I freeze when I see a red collar around his neck, a leash connecting to my hand. I stare down at the leash, then when I look up, Commander Erwin is standing right next to him wearing the exact same collar, the end of his leash in my other hand. But he is also holding one of the leashes, the end connected to the collar around my neck._

_He smirks and tugs sharply on the leash, forcing me to fall forwards into his grip. He starts to mouth words to me, but the only thing I could hear is Jean's screams as he begins to slowly fall over. I can't look at him though, no matter how hard I try. All I can do is stare up at Erwin as his mouth continues to move, saying words that I don't want to hear._

"Elsie! Elsie, come on! Wake up!" A voice yells at me and I snap upwards, evidentially slamming my head with another person. Jean curses while holding his head while I fall back to hold my own. "It's next to impossible to wake you up in the morning…" I stare at Jean for a few seconds before tears start to water in my eyes. He gives me a confused look, but I quickly wipe my eyes before any of the bastards could fall. "Did you have another nightmare?" I shake my head, not wanting to worry Jean anymore then I have to.

I look over the edge of the bed to see bruises on Jean's feet, tainting the normally pale skin. _Because of me… He got hurt because I ran like an idiot… _Jean looks down at his feet before subconsciously hiding them from my view.

"Do they hurt?" I ask quietly even though I know he will probably say no. _He probably doesn't want me to worry either._

"Yes. I'm glad they do though. It's a reminder that I did this for you, and I don't regret it." He mumbles and I find my face turning bright red. "Now, on a different topic, let's go make sure that our gear is up to date and fixed. I don't want another incident of my belt breaking again."

"What? Your belt broke?" I gasp, jerking out of the bed with a confused expression. "When did that happen? Wait… Don't tell me. " _"I'm sorry! I almost give up again!" That was during the retaking of Trost, when Marco and Sofia died… Does that mean Jean almost died and I had no idea? Was I really that close to losing him too? _

A feel a hand on my face and I quickly jerk back from my thoughts to see Jean giving me a worried look. His thumb brushes across my eye causing me to wince, only to realize that he had wiped away a tear.

"I'm fine. I won't be dying just like you won't be. No matter what happens, I'll fight until the end. If it wasn't for Annie, Marco, and Connie, I really would have been Titan chow." His hand slides across my face to curl around the black locks by my ear. "Plus it was thanks to you I kept fighting. If you would have shown so much strength back then, I would have lost all hope. Now that I think about it, every time I start to lose hope, your harsh words keep running through my mind."

"What words? I don't remember saying anything that could possibly-"He leans down towards me and my heart lurches in my throat, my breathing becoming ragged.

"Everything you have said to me since the first day of training has been like fuel to me. I've wanted to protect you, but you're not the kind that requires it. Every time I try to do something heroic, you end up saving yourself. Then when I need some sort of help, there you are with an overly determined expression on your face."

"That's not true! I wasn't there in Trost when-"

"That doesn't matter. It was a onetime deal. Can I say that I've been there every time you have been in danger? Especially in Shiganshina, probably when you needed somebody the most…" I shake my head with frustration.

"You couldn't help that. You didn't even know I was there."

"Exactly! I didn't know where you were! It even came to the point that I gave up on trying to remember you. That's how truly pathetic of a child I was. I just thought to myself, 'Oh, she's gone. That's the end of our friendship then.' Of course, you probably went through the same thing. We were only ten years old." _I think it's time the truth came out._

"No… That wasn't the case… After Shiganshina fell, when I was all out of hope… I thought to myself, I shouldn't give up hope. I'll live just as arrogantly as you, and that I will somehow find you in Wall Rose." I admit, looking down at my fingers which are nervously twirling around each other. _I feel like I just confessed my feelings._

Jean's hand twitches against the side of my face and I look up to see him staring down at me, his eyes abnormally wide. _Wait, I basically did just confess something so private to him! I'm an idiot!_

"Ah… Forget I said anything." I suddenly say, attempting to stand up, only to be shoved back onto the bed with Jean on top of me. "Wh-What are you doing Jean?" My face, if it could, turns probably an entirely new shade of red that burns throughout my entire body.

"I'm at my limit, Elsie." He states, his fists balled tightly on either side of my head while his knees press against my hips, almost like they are trapping me. "I don't think I can handle myself anymore. I've been waiting almost six years for this, and I've really been waiting, but it's hard to stop myself when you say things like that. Especially with that dream you had before we went to Trost. I don't want to wait anymore. Every look, every word, every movement, every tear, every laugh, every yell, every single time you say my name just pushes me over the limit that was reached two years ago. Now though, after hearing you say that… Now I know I don't have to hold back anymore."

Out of fear, I bring my hand up to push him away, but he easily catches my wrist and pushes it back down.

"Jean… Jean, I… I don't know…" I whisper, attempting to look back at him only to see how close he is to my face. I try to protest, but somewhere deep down inside of me, I knew I wanted this. I wanted nothing more than to be kissed by Jean. Hesitantly, I bring my other hand up so that I may awkwardly wrap it around Jean's neck. He looks at the limb slowly, and then looks back down to tomato face me. "Go ahead…" I whisper very quietly, probably not even audible to Jean's ears.

Apparently it was because his face turns just as dark as mine. His breathing begins to increase, along with the pounding of his heart which I imagine is just as loud as mine. I tighten my hand into a fist on top of his neck, my hand most likely shaking. I try to focus on his face, but every time I tried to connect my eyes with his, a blast of heat would shoot through my body and settle in my stomach.

"Because it's Jean…" I choke out, tears pricking the side of my eyes. "It has always been you, even in the corner of my mind when I thought any romance would be useless. I've always depended on you in the toughest of situations, even when you weren't there. It was harder though, when I realized that you weren't there. All those times… Damn it, I knew this would happen!" I snap, extremely irritated that I ended crying in this situation.

My breath catches in my throat when Jean leans down and presses his lips against one of my eyes, stopping the tears in his own special way, one that makes my heart almost stop. I grab the back of his head and squeeze my eyes closed as he continues to plant small kisses from my eye down to my cheek.

"Ah… Jean…" I bite onto my lip, hot flashes of embarrassment over coming my body. _I really want him to kiss me. I really want to feel his warmth. I really want to be with him. _He pulls back, maybe a centimeter, and hovers over my lips.

"Are you sure?" He asks, his eyes cloudy causing me to tighten my toes. I go to open my mouth to respond, but another voice sounds between us.

"Oh my. I didn't mean to intrude." We both snap our heads towards the doorway to see Jean's mom standing there, a faint blush on her grinning face. I've never seen Jean move so fast without his 3DMG in my life as well as I have never felt such an intense need to just _die _at this point. I cover my face as Jean's mom leaves the room in a hurry, probably getting the wrong impression. _Or the right one._

"I can't believe my mom just walked in on us… She's never going to let me live this one down…" Jean mutters, covering his face as well. After a few seconds, it dawns on me what was about to happen. _Jean was about to kiss me and I was fully intent on letting him do so. _"Well, um… We should you know, go get our gear checked up…"

"R-Right…"


	16. Chapter 16

Jean and I sneak out the back, too embarrassed to face his mother who is probably telling her guests about what she just walked in on. We walk towards headquarters in a very uncomfortable silence, the tension heavy. Now that we both know that we want each other… How is this going to happen? When is he going to try to kiss me again? Is he going to try and kiss me again? Maybe he realized that he doesn't want to kiss me… Then I just offered myself up to him like that! Oh my god, I'm so embarrassed!

I feel something touch my hand and I almost jump out of my skin. When I look down, I see Jean's hand holding onto mine. Sneaking a peak at Jean's face, I see that he is looking straight ahead with a splash of red on his cheeks. I take one step closer to him so that my side is pressing into his. Instead of using our 3DMG, which would have gotten us to headquarters faster, we take our time just enjoying the peaceful walk. Sooner or later, he is going to try again. I think I'm actually excited for him to try again. I didn't dislike the feeling of anticipation, and I especially didn't dislike the feeling of Jean's breath on my skin or his lips so close to mine.

A shudder runs through my body as I replay the scene, the nerves coming right back to me. What if his mom never walked in…? Would he have just kissed me? Would he have tried to do more? I'm terrible… I'm thinking about all of this stuff when just yesterday, Sofia and Marco both died. Wait, where is Marco? I haven't seen him since last night. I wonder what happened to him. Did he already leave me?

Once we finally reach headquarters, Jean lets go of my hand to fill out a report that basically asks what day it is and what parts we are getting fixed. I fill out my report and hand it to the Stationary Guard in charge of the 3DMG, not even bothering to say a word to him as there are other cadets behind me. All having to get checked up because of yesterdays cleanup project.

"Cadet El Koehler? I need you to come with me. Commander Erwin requested that you be sent to him immediately after you check in." The man who had taken my slip states and my entire body goes numb. Oh no… I completely forgot about yesterday! I turn sharply to Jean who is matching the exact same dreaded look I have.

"Am I allowed to bring somebody with me?" I ask hopefully, not wanting to be left alone with the man whom I presumably attacked yesterday.

"I have specific orders that make sure that you are to come alone." I bite my lip staring at Jean, hoping that there is some sort of distraction that could get me out of this. Unfortunately, I am forced to follow the nameless soldier with Jean who is clutching a pillar tightly.

We walk for maybe half an hour through the town until we reach the small patch of land that belongs to one of the Scouting Regiment bases. We walk in and the first person I see is the infamous Levi Ackerman sitting on a couch, reading a book with a bored expression. He gives me a cold glance which I try to ignore, too scared for my own life at the moment.

"Hey, who are you?" He demands, snapping his book shut as the Stationary Guard member pauses to address Levi.

"Corporal Levi, Commander Erwin requested the presence of Cadet El Koehler the minute she checked in. I'm simply carrying out his order." The soldier responds as Levi continues to stare at my pale and shaking body.

"What the hell did you do?" He demands and I look down at the ground, a heavy rock pitting itself in my stomach.

"I kicked him and knocked him off his feet because he wouldn't allow me to leave last night, almost harassing me…" I admit and I can feel the shock from the Stationary Guard, but the amusement from Levi.

"You kicked the head of the Scouting Regiment and expected to get away with it? What kind of dumb ass are you? You'll be fine though. Trust me; I tried killing him the past and I'm still here." He tells me nonchalantly, as if it was no big deal to try and kill your superior. Before I could respond with something that would make me seem even dumber, the soldier shoves my shoulder.

"I'm dead… I'm dead… I'm dead… I'm dead…" I clutch my hands tightly together as the soldier gives me a sympathetic look. Once we reach a large wooden door, the man knocks and each pound made my heart pick up in speed. The second the door opened, I drop my eyes to the ground so I didn't have to look at his face.

"Dismissed." I hear him say and the soldier leaves with a salute and a secret pat on my back. My body tenses with fear, but Erwin only walks back into the room. "Shut the door behind you." I take two deep breaths before I step into the room and shut the door slowly, wincing when I hear the damned thing automatically lock in place. "Look up."

I take another deep breath before I look up at him, noticing that he is in fact sitting down on a couch across from me. What scared me the most though, is that there is a slight _smug _look to his face. I stand there silently, not wanting to say the wrong thing. The silence stretches onwards as he continues to just stare at me. The look alone is enough to make my tremble, my fingers itching to grab onto my blades.

"Take off the 3-Deminsional Maneuvering Gear." He orders, finally breaking the silence. _He just wants to make sure that I can't attack him or escape. Or maybe this is a form of kicking me out of the military. _One by one, I start to undo the straps around my waist, chest, and legs until the entire thing just drops to the ground. I bend down to pick them up, but freeze when I hear Erwin standing up and walking over to me.

Before I could stand up all the way, I am shoved sharply into the ground with Erwin towering over me. My head hits the door, but the pain is nothing compared to the fear bursting through my veins at the situation. _What do I do?_

"Do you even realize how easy it is for me to order your death for doing what you did?" Erwin asks, not doing anything but standing over me as I clutch the carpet tightly trying to think of a way out of this.

"I'm really sorry, sir! It was a reaction I was not anticipating and then I freaked out! Please forgive me, sir." I beg, my fingers beginning to ache from how tense they are.

"Forgive you? Of course I forgive you." Hope starts to reach into my heart, but he wasn't finished talking. "But it won't go unnoticed. You need to be punished correctly or else you might try it again." At the word punishment and by the look in his eye, I realized that I needed to get the hell out of here. _Jean! I need to get back to Jean! _

Acting on impulse, I throw myself away from the door to the left to actually _jump out the window_. I tug at the piece of wood, my heart pounding in my throat, only to realize that it is locked. I snap my head towards Erwin who is stalking towards me with an irritated expression.

"Escaping punishment? Do you want to die that much?" He asks as I start running around the perimeter of the room so that I can reach the door again. I bang my fists on the wood desperately, hoping somebody will hear me.

"Help me! Somebody help me!" I beg until I am grabbed around my waist and thrown to the ground away from the door. I let out a sharp gasp and flip onto my stomach, ready to jump back onto my feet and fight for my life. Instead, Erwin drops his entire weight onto me while grabbing my arm, holding it against my back and shoving my face into the carpet.

"Oh look at that, you've been caught. This would have been much easier if you would have just accepted the previous punishment I had planned. Now I have to double it, and I'm sure you aren't going to like it. After all, you have your special _friend _don't you? Wouldn't it be a shame if something happened to him?" He purrs into my ear and I feel my entire being just crumble.

"Just because I fucked up doesn't mean you have any fucking right to hurt Jean! I really won't hold back if you try to get him involved!" I yell at him, trying to fight the man pressing into me without holding back slightly.

"You really think you could go against me and win? You really over estimate yourself. If you honestly think you are stronger than me, then why are you below me?" He questions, his free hand now reaching around my body and snaking its way to the bottom of my shirt. "Why is it that I'm doing these things and you are unable to stop me?"

I let out a strained cry as he rips open my shirt, sending buttons flying everywhere all the while exposing my chest to its fullest.

"Don't you fucking dare! I'll have you arrested! I'll report you the minute I get out of here-"A blade suddenly goes to my throat, causing my voice to freeze.

"Then by all means, I'll have to kill you here unless you promise to keep your mouth shut. You don't have to worry; I don't plan on actually having sex with you. Just everything else I can do outside of that box." My body goes completely numb as his hand rubs my sides slowly all the while climbing upwards.

"If you do this once… You'll leave me alone afterwards, right?" I whisper, tears pricking my eyes as he starts to bite my neck gently. "And you will leave Jean alone…"

"Only if I'm satisfied." He responds, his hands now becoming dangerously close to a private territory that I was hoping one day would be touched only by the one I loved.

"Just… Don't kiss me… I want that at least spared." _I want Jean to be my first kiss, even if I lose everything else including my pride and dignity. _Instead of responding, he lets go of my arm and uses his now spare arm to wrap around my chest in order to keep me up in the air instead of pressed against the ground.

I squeeze my eyes shut, fully intent on keeping them closed throughout the entire thing. _Maybe it would be better if I imagine Jean doing it. No, then it would completely ruin it. I have to know that Erwin is the one doing it so that my hatred for him will grow._

Instead of going up anymore, Erwin impatiently pushes his hand downwards to unbutton my jeans. Without meaning to, I start fighting him by natural instincts. I squirm while attempting to hit him, more heavy tears streaming down my face.

"No! I change my mind! Don't fucking touch me!" I scream at him, not wanting to be dirtied by this monster's hands. _Only Jean… _"Only Jean can do these things to me!"

The door is suddenly kicked in causing me to let out a gasp of relief. Erwin snaps his head towards the direction of the door as I follow his example.

"Tch. I should have known you would pull something like that like a true dirt bag." Levi states, his arms crossed with a disgusted expression on his face. Erwin drops me and I quickly button up my pants while holding my shirt together.

"Levi-"

"I'll make you a deal you dirty piece of shit. You forget that this dumbass kicked you and I won't tell everybody, including the Military Police, what you just attempted to do. Or even better, I could kill you were you stand. One less piece of shit in this world." Levi states, whipping out his blade and pointing it at Erwin who looks almost _trapped. _"Hey, girl, get out of here now. Go down the hall and you'll see a girl named Petra by herself. Get a new shirt from her."

Without hesitation, I speed out of the room with my 3DMG, tears of relief streaming down my face. Once I reach the end of the hall, my arm is grabbed and I turn shakily to see a girl with orange hair and brown eyes giving me a sympathetic look.

"Corporal Levi already gave me a heads up. Come on." She leads me into a room with bunk beds, a Scouting Regiment dorm room I guess. She tosses me some tissues which I graciously accept. After making sure that my face is completely cleaned off, Petra takes away the ripped blue shirt and hands me a fresh white one. _Should I tell Jean what happened? No way… There's no way I could admit to that. I actually accepted it too. Oh god he would be so disappointed in me. But then, I also realized that I really want Jean._

"Thank you for the shirt. I really appreciate it. Not to sound rude, but am I allowed to leave right now? I really just want to go back." I whisper while shakily putting on the straps.

"I understand. I'm glad Levi was able to save you in time. It was really bugging him as soon as you left. I'm not really surprised that our Commander is such a bastard." She sighs, escorting me out of the building only to be attacked. Well, not really attacked, but grabbed ferociously by Jean.

Petra gives another sad look once she realized what position that I was. I find myself hugging Jean back with just as much force, my legs almost giving out underneath me. I clutch the back of his shirt tightly, never wanting to let go of him.


	17. Chapter 17

"What did he do to you? Tell me right now." He demands and I try my hardest not to tense or shudder at the replay of events.

"N-Nothing… Levi stopped him before he could do anything. It made me realize though… I really like you Jean. I really really like you and I don't want to lose you." I cry, pressing my head into his chest, not even caring that Petra is still standing there watching. As quick as a flash of lightening, Jean has me in his arms walking briskly away from the Headquarters. "What are you doing!? This is embarrassing! People are staring!"

"Let them stare." Is all he answers, his grip on my arm and knees tight. I cover my face when people start to whisper in order to cover how extremely red it is. I refuse to uncover my face until Jean finally stops. When I uncover my face, I immediately take in that we are back in his room. _How did I not notice that we went inside a house? I guess I must have fallen asleep on the way here… Is that even possible?_

I gasp when Jean drops me onto his bed, beginning to mimic the exact same situation from the last time we were in here. I watch Jean hastily walk over to the door to _confirm _that it is locked before he turns back towards me, his face still red yet still down casted. _He's upset because of what I had to go through… He's probably thinking about how he couldn't protect me._

I sit up on the bed and sit cross legged, looking at the spot next to me expectantly. _And then I confessed to him… I mean, I guess technically he confessed to me first, but I still confessed anyways… So embarrassing! _The spot next to me shifts and I look over to see Jean right beside me, facing the other way. I want him to kiss me… I want him to do anything to me, anything but just sitting here and thinking about all the wrong things.

I crawl over until I am right in front of Jean one hand on his leg while the other is gripping his shoulder tightly. He almost jumps out of his skin, his eyes wide with shock at the sudden movement. I stare at his face for a moment, taking in every detail I could.

"Close your eyes." I order, getting extremely embarrassed at him staring at me with the same look. He gives me an unsure look before hesitantly closing his eyes, the eyelashes quivering with anticipation. I take a deep breath and start to lean forward; staring at Jean's slightly parted lips. _Make him forget… Make myself forget… Just act like it never happened. _

As I grow closer and close to Jean's face, my heart rate began to increase. I look down slightly to see Jean's on chest rising and falling at an alarming rate. _What if I don't do this right? What if I mess up? Will I only embarrass myself? What have I done?! I thought the guys were supposed to make the first move! _In the end, I end up pressing my lips against his cheek in something like an 'affectionate' cheek kiss.

I pull back sharply and give Jean a sheepish grin, hoping he won't see through the bright red mask. _Well I tried… I guess that's a fail for the day. _Before I could pull away from him, Jean sets his hand on either side of my head and leans forward to press his lips against mine in a quick and almost invisible kiss. When he pulls back, I could almost feel the heat between our two faces. _We kissed… That small little touch of lips was my first kiss, with Jean. _

"Again…" I whisper, looking down at the bed with a nervous expression. I look up to Jean who gives me a nod, his face determined. He leans forward again as I tip my head upwards, my eyes still squeezed closed with embarrassment. _Only Jean will ever see me like this. Only Jean will ever be able to do this to me. Only Jean will be able to make me feel like this. _

I feel the warmth of Jean's lips once again, even if they are slightly chapped from the harsh past two years of hot summers and freezing cold winters. He pulls away again, only he presses his forehead against mine while taking deep nervous breaths.

"Well?" He murmurs, his hands laid perfectly on top of mine. I stare at our interlocked fingers before I give a nervous glance to the wall.

"One more time." He lets out a breathless chuckle before he leans on top of me, forcing me to fall back against the bed. I stare up at Jean who looks down at me, his expression intense as if he is fighting a battle in his head. Just like before, I wrap my hand around his neck, as if I were telling him to hurry up. Apparently the battle in his head was continuing because it took me grabbing his hair and pushing down until he was a centimeter away from my face to get him back into the situation.

Without anymore hesitation, he presses his lips against mine, only this time, his were slightly parted. My nerves start to get the best of me, mostly because I am completely scared that I am doing a terrible job at this. Jean pulls back slightly and looks me straight in the eye, causing my nerves to spike even more.

"Open your mouth, just a little." He instructs and my face blares. _H-He's teaching me how to kiss?! I knew it, I'm terrible… _"Don't give me that face. I know as much as you do with this kind of stuff. I only did a little bit of research…"

"Well a little experience is better than none, right?" I offer, wishing that the Gods of Misfortune would stop stabbing me in the ass. _We are both inexperienced and have no idea what to do… Will this even turn out right?_

"W-Well I read that… The second step to kissing… Is using your tongue…" With each word, Jean's face became a darker shade of red. _T-Tongue?! _

"Will it… Feel good?" I ask stupidly, tightening my grip around Jean's hands which are also slightly trembling. "I mean, if it says to do it… Then we minus well try…" He swallows loudly before giving me a sharp nod, sweat forming on his forehead. "Isn't it uncomfortable, holding yourself up like this?"

"N-No… It's alright." He responds, moving his hands to where they are back to being placed on either side of my head. The temperature in the room seems to rise as Jean stares down at me, most likely taking in every detail of my face like I did to him. _What if he sees some sort of flaw from how much he is staring? _

Before I could cover my face, Jean leans down with his lips once again slightly parted. My eyes involuntarily close as I force my lips to open, even if just a crack. _His tongue… His tongue… No! I don't think I'm ready for that!_

I bring up my hand and press it against his cheek, pushing his face to the side before he could get any closer.

"I-I'm not ready for that! It's too much!" I gasp, trying to prevent myself from hyperventilating. Jean lets out a relieved sigh and drops his head right beside mine.

"Thank god… Neither was I…" He admits, starting to laugh awkwardly. _He didn't have to force himself for my sake._

"Hey, if we are going to make this work then we both have to be comfortable. Don't force yourself because you read it in a book." I state, smacking the back of his head lightly as he sits up slightly with a blush.

"I… Didn't look in a book… I asked somebody for advice." He rolls off of me as we stare up at the ceiling.

"Who exactly did you ask?" I demand, giving him the evil eye. _If he asked a girl for romance advice, she might get the wrong idea. If he asked a boy, then he probably mentioned my name… Then they will know what we just did!_

"My mother."

"You asked your mom for kissing tips!?" I couldn't help but burst out in laughter, Jean's face turning red as he glares at me.

"Don't judge me! I didn't have anybody else to ask! Plus I've never done any of this stuff before. What do you expect?!" Jean snaps, crossing his arms with an irritated glance to the door. I nudge my head against his arm until he allows me to cuddle up against him, his anger gone in an instant.

"We'll just have to learn ourselves." I hum, closing my eyes as I listen to the sound of Jean's heart pounding steadily in his chest. "Plus, graduation is in six days. I wonder what the Scouting Regiment is going to be like." I wince as some memories from before with Commander Erwin come into play, but I immediately push them away.

"You do realize that we are going to watch a lot more of our comrades die, right?" Jean asks, his hand playing with my hair gently.

"I understand that. I'm learning that it's part of life. We are born, we live our life, and we die. Doesn't really seem that interesting if you think about it." Jean nods with agreement, but I wasn't finished. "I wonder what happens after you die… Do you just disappear? Or do you go to another world and be reborn. Or does everybody just walk around unseen by those alive?"

"Don't think about those kinds of things. Focus more on those alive." He tugs on my hair lightly and I set my chin on his chest, staring up at him.

"You mean yourself? A little selfish there Jean." I snort as he tugs on my hair again. We lay there in silence, words not needed at this point. _I just woke up not too long ago, yet I'm already ready for a nap. Minus well enjoy my break while I have it…_

"Why are we all being called in again?" I ask while standing between Connie and Jean, looking down at the table where part of my 3DMG is placed.

"Last night, somebody came in and killed two of the titan's we had captured. They used Three-D Maneuvering Gear so everybody is getting theirs checked to see who has been using it." Armin explains from the other side of Connie.

"Who would be crazy enough to do that? That's like stabbing themselves in the back!" I whisper with irritation, inwardly cursing the person who would do something as kill _test subjects _that could _help _us. After a few seconds of silence, Connie turns towards Annie who is standing on the other side of Armin.

"Hey, Annie, what do you think? Even Jean is joining the Scouting Regiment." He whispers and lean over to listen even though I know Jean isn't.

"Huh? Jean said that?" Armin asks shocked, looking over to me who nods in confirmation even though the thought still upsets me. _But we are going to be together no matter what, so it's okay. It's already been six days in our relationship, but I shouldn't get too attached. _

"Nothing in particular." Annie responds in her monotone like voice.

"You're still joining the military police, right? Maybe I should too." Connie sighs, probably still internally trapped on what he should chose.

"If somebody told you to die, would you do it?" Annie asks and I look over with confusion, but somewhat seeing where she is coming from.

"What? Of course not." Connie responds, not quite understanding what she meant.

"Then why not make your own decision? Armin, what about you?" Annie continues to look straight forward, yet still expecting an answer.

"I… I think if you know why you have to die, there are times when you simply must. Not that I want to…"

"I see… You've made your decision." Armin looks downwards, his eyes somewhat down casted. I look over to see Jean stepping forward and answering the questions by the Military Police.

"Yeah. I've been thinking about doing it for a long time."

"Seriously Armin? You too?" Connie asks appalled, but not as surprised as I am. _I imagined him more of a technician with all of the smarts he possessed. Plus, he doesn't seem like Titan killing material. Well, he's probably following Eren and Mikasa into the Scouting Regiment._

"You're weak, but you have guts." Annie states, still not once turning to look at anybody.

"Th-thank you… Annie, your actually a good person, aren't you?" Armin asks and that immediately had Annie turning her head with her mouth open a little, as if being called a good person shocked her.

"Armin has a good point. I never got the chance, but I wanted to thank you Annie for helping to protect Jean in Trost. Even though you were really quiet, I knew you were really nice. I hope we can be friends even when you join the military police." I add, offering her the best smile I could offer.

"I helped protect him too! Give me praise!" Connie demands, stomping his foot while giving me a pouty face. I offer a small laugh and pat his shoulder as Annie stares at me with shock. She goes to say something, but I hear my name called by an officer.

"Cadet El Koehler from Squad 38." I introduce, my fist over my heart as they look down at a piece of paper.

"When was the last time you had your shafts checked?" The woman asks and I tell her it was six days ago. _The same day Erwin attacked me… _"That's what the report says. Next."

After everybody is checked out, we are ordered to go to the courtyard to wait for the procedure to start. _For those who want to join the Scouting Regiment. It won't be safe for me, and I'm not talking about the Titan's. _

As Jean and I start to leave the building, my arm is grabbed and I am pulled away from Jean. Bad thoughts start to flood through my mind, but they are soothed when I see that it is just Annie.

"I'll meet you there Jean!" I declare when Jean starts looking rapidly around, trying to find me. He waves at me before walking away with his hands shoved in his pockets. _Trying to look cool… And working… _"What do you need Annie?"

"Why would you want to be my friend." She states, not even asking it in question form. _Why is she making such a big deal out of me wanting to be her friend? _

"Well, I guess it's not only you helping to protect Jean, but you are really strong and have a level head. When you say harsh words, it isn't because you are releasing steam, but there is an actually purpose to it. You see the world how it really is and you head straight into it with your back straight and head upwards. Even though you are joining the Military Police, it isn't for some bull shit reason. I'm joining the Scouting Regiment on my own beliefs and you are joining the Military Police on your own beliefs. Even though we won't see much of each other, when we do, we should maybe hang out." I finish, hoping I don't sound like an idiot.

"You aren't asking to be my friend because all of your other friends died, right?" She demands, and I can see where she is coming from.

"Not at all. I would want to be your friend no matter what. I just wish I had the chance to do so during training." _Mina and her would have small talks, but other than that she seemed almost lonely._

"I won't promise to be your friend, but I will acknowledge you if we run into each other." She finally concludes and I decide that is enough of a friendship there.

"I'll make sure you acknowledge me then." I joke but she only gives me a look from the corner of her eye. _I don't even remember seeing her once smile. I guess that's just part of her personality. _Once we reach the wide area, Annie and I lean against the wall next to Armin, Sasha, and Connie. After a few minutes, Jean approaches us.

"Jean… You're really joining the Scouting Regiment?" Armin asks as I walk over to stand beside him, that alone is enough to make me happy.

"Yeah." His answer is simple and to the point, not much else to it.

"Why all of the sudden? I mean… Aren't you scared?" Sasha questions quietly, looking down at the ground as Jean places his hand against his him.

"Huh?" He asks while cocking his head, and I want nothing more than to hear him say that word over and over again for the rest of my life. _So freaking cute sounding! _"Of course I don't want to join the Scouting Regiment!" _Neither do I in all honesty…_

"Then why…?" Connie asks curiously, also looking over to me since they all know I'm joining too. "Is it because of El?" I burst out in laughter at that, knowing for a fact that he wouldn't join the Scouting Regiment just because of _me_.

"No way! Of course he wouldn't do that! He had full intentions of joining the Military Police no matter how many times I refused his offer. He isn't an idiot." I wave my hand in front of my face as people give me an awkward look.

"It isn't that I decided the Titan's don't scare me, and I won't say something like, 'The best should join the Scouting Regiment.' I'm not as eager to die as someone we know."

"You mean Eren?" Connie asks once I recover from my small laughing fit. "He already joined the Scouting Regiment."

"Trainees! Line up! Line up before the stage!" The man yells and people start moving onwards. Jean continues to stand there, not yet finished talking.

"I'm not risking my life because somebody convinced me. This is a job you can't do unless you decide for yourself." He turns away and grabs my arm, expecting me to follow them. I give them one last 'I told you he wasn't doing it for me' nod before trekking after him.

The sun sets behind us as Jean and I stand somewhere in the middle, staring up at the empty stage lit up with lamps. Nobody says a word while waiting for somebody to walk onto the stage, and when he does, I try my hardest not to back away. Jean grabs my hand and I give him something like a reassuring nod.


	18. Chapter 18

Commander Erwin Smith stands in the middle of the stage, looking over the remainder of the 104th Trainee's. His eyes linger on me for a few seconds until Jean takes a protective step towards me, almost as if telling him to stay away.

"I am Erwin Smith, Commander of the Scouting Regiment. Today, you will choose a military branch. Putting it bluntly, I am here to persuade you to join the Scouting Regiment. During the Titan attack, you learned how terrifying they can be. And how limited your own power is. However, this battle brought humanity closer to victory then it has ever been. Through Eren Jaeger's existence. By risking his own life, he has proven himself, without a doubt a friend of humanity. With his help, not only did we help stop the Titan's advance, but we have a way to discover their true nature."

A gasp runs over the crowd, something as unheard of as learning about the Titans and where they come from is extremely rare. I look over to Jean who looks just as appalled as I am, even a taken back.

"We believe that in the basement of his house in Shiganshina, there are answers about the Titan's that he himself doesn't have. If we can reach that basement, we will find a clue that will end this century of Titans rule." _To say that sort of thing to us, there's no way there isn't a motive. That sort of stuff should be kept secret from the public. What's that bastard thinking? _"We will head for the basement in Shiganshina. However, that requires the recapture of Wall Maria. In other words, our objectives haven't changed." Two Scouting Regiment members, one of them being Petra, walk onto the stage holding a map which they unravel.

"But with the Trost Gate sealed, we will have to take the long way around from Karanese to the east. The four years we spent leaving a route for a large army has been a waste. In those four years, more than sixty percent of the Scouting Regiment has lost their lives. Sixty percent in four years. Tan insane figure. Any trainees who join will participate in our journey outside the wall in one month. We expect thirty percent won't return. In four years, most will be dead. But those who survive will become superior soldiers with a high survival rate. Knowing these discouraging facts, any still willing to risk their lives, stay here. Ask yourself, are you willing to offer your beating heart for humanity? That is all. Anyone wishing to join another branch is dismissed."

As the Commander walks off the stage, there is a silence that washes over the crowd. In the next few seconds, people start to walk away rapidly. I let go of Jean's hand and stare straight forward. _At least this gives him a chance to leave if he wants to. _I look over to Jean to see him staring at the ground, his body starting to shake. _We all know… We've seen it… We've seen how titan's eat people. It isn't too late for me to change my mind. Do I really want to be under the same command as the man who attempted to rape me? Do I honestly want to be that close to him? What if he tries to do it again? Or what if he tries to do it to somebody else? Somebody like him shouldn't be in that position. He abused his power to get what he wanted. He doesn't even need to be alive. I wish Levi would have finished him off. Or maybe I should be the one to kill him. He shouldn't be allowed to live. I'll finish him with my own two hands. Wait, what the hell am I thinking? I can't murder!_

Jean lets out an animalistic yell that almost causes me to jump out of my skin. The people around us don't pay any attention; too busy trying to leave as soon as possible. Jean quickly grabs my hand and holds it tightly, his decision made. Over one hundred people were gathered here, being offered to join the Scouting Regiment. Only twenty two of us remained.

Sasha, Connie, Armin, Mikasa, Bertolt, Reiner, Jean, Krista, Ymir… Most of us were in the top ten yet we still decided to join the Scouting Regiment. Erwin walks back onto the stage and looks around at the remaining soldiers.

"Can you die if you are ordered to?" Erwin demands, almost staring straight at me like he was shocked to see that I still planned on enlisting in the Scouting Regiment after his awful deeds. _That's right bastard. You have no influence on me. You have no power of me and I will prove it._

"I don't want to die!" Somebody yells, a guy from behind me whose voice I don't recognize. Erwin actually lets out a smile, one that is genuine.

"I see. I like the looks on your faces. Then I welcome everybody here to the Scouting Regiment! This is a true salute! Offer up your hearts!" He yells, slamming his fist over his heart. Everybody copies the motion while yelling, 'sir!'

"This is terrible… The Scouting Regiment…" Jean mutters, staring straight at the ground.

"I'm scared. I want to go home." Sasha cries, tears streaming from her eyes.

"I don't even care anymore." Connie sighs with defeat. I nudge Jean in the shoulder, making sure that he knows that I'm still here no matter what.

"You have done well to endure your fear. You are all brave soldiers. You have my heartfelt respect. Tomorrow you will all meet at the Scouting Regiment headquarters to begin training. You are all dismissed." Erwin gives me one more look before turning and walking off the stage.

"Bet the bastard thought I wouldn't show. Looks like I'm officially in." I smile, actually proud of myself for making it this far.

"El! You seem like you enjoy this enough! We should partner up and you can protect me!" Sasha declares, grabbing onto me tightly as she tries to wipe the tears from her eyes. I offer her a weak smile while patting the patch of red hair beneath me.

"It's not up to me who gets partnered with who, if we even get partners at all. I guess I can try to help you to the best of my ability, but you should be able to protect yourself too. I know you can." I assure her, as she stares up at me with bleary brown eyes. _She's such a child._

"Me too! Protect me too!" Connie demands, jumping in right next to Sasha. I look to Jean for help as these two child-like soldiers start to fight over who I am supposed to protect. _I'm not as strong as they portray me to be. Mikasa would be much better… But they probably realize that Mikasa's only goal is to protect Eren and Armin._

Jean grabs my hand and pulls me sharply from their grasp, causing them both to fall over. I give him a thankful smile as they both start nagging at Jean for hogging me.

"I'm going to stay in the barracks tonight." Jean tells me and I nod in agreement.

"It's our last night to stay there. Tomorrow we will be staying at the Headquarters along with everybody else." Sasha treks right behind me, probably waiting for a chance to snag me from Jean.

"Well then, I guess I'll see you tomorrow." Jean starts to lean in for a kiss but Sasha jerks me away from him, causing disappointment to flood through my veins.

"Mine!" She states, quickly dragging me away from Jean who looks dumbfounded. I smile at him and blow him an air kiss which I receive a 'seriously?' look to. "So you and Jean are actually together, together? I'm so jealous! I mean, I feel bad that you both are going to be in a dangerous branch together with the constant chance for death, but it's still super romantic at the same time. What's it like though?" Sasha questions, looking over at me expectantly. _Am I seriously talking about Jean's and I newly beginning relationship with Sasha? I would imagine this time would come, but only it would have been with Mina._

"It's extremely hard, and it hurts a lot. But I want to enjoy every minute of this life I have before it comes to an end. I still wish he would have joined the Military Police, because then I would know that he was safe. Now though, it's going to be nothing but stressful wondering if the person I love is even alive. Or if it comes to the point that I have to watch him die... I'm not so scared to die, but I'm scared to watch another person close to me die… I've already seen so much death though, I wonder if it will even really affect me. Then there is another issue that I don't know if it is even resolved that includes another man who is after me in a bad way. Now there is no way of getting away from him…"

"Is it the Commander?" Sasha asks and I almost fall over my own two feet. I snap my head at her with a petrified expression. _Don't tell me he told everybody! _"Woah! Calm down! I just noticed that he kept staring at you with this really weird expression. He seems scary…"

"You have no idea. I think you'll be fine if you keep your distance from him. I was a dumb ass and thought that talking to him normally was a good thing. He should be staying away from me though. I have somebody in the Scouting Regiment keeping him on his toes." _Let's just hope Erwin doesn't try to use his power against Levi for saving me. I should thank him at some point._

The next day, Jean, Sasha, Connie and I all walk to Headquarters in a comforting silence. Well, it was almost six in the morning which is two hours later than normal training. I'm pretty much a morning person but it doesn't seem the other three are.

"Armin Arlert, Mikasa Ackerman, Jean Kirschstein, Sasha Braus, Connie Springer, Elsie Koehler, Bertolt Hoover, Ymir, and Reiner Braun. You are all to report to the stables." A man orders, pointing in the direction of the horses. Once we show up, we line up according to last name. Luckily I am still standing right next to Jean on one side and Connie on the other.

"Salute!" A man declares and we do so. "I am Squad Leader Ness and this is Shallot, my horse. She loves to chew off your hair, so be careful if you don't want to be bald. Nice to meet you all." He smiles at us just as the horse leans over and bites at the bandanna on Ness' head. "H-Hey! Stop it Shallot! Hey, someone grab her!"

I quickly step out of line and grab the rein of the horse, even though at that moment I am fearing for my own long black hair. Bertolt comes up beside me and separates the horse from Squad Leader Ness. I bet the horse while feeling its muscles rippling underneath my hands.

"First I will assign you all horses and then give you a basic tour of the area. Afterwards, you'll be given your room assignments along with your roommate. You can choose your own if you feel like it but we stick to the males with males and females with females." He explains, and then walks to the end of the stalls. One by one, we are assigned horses using color coated ear tags with our initials on it.

"El Koehler, this is your horse." Ness, pointing at a brown horse with a white pattern on its head that almost resembles a skull.

"What's a name that I can use…? Not anybody in the Scouting Regiment… I'll call you Annie. Just don't tell her I'm using her name." I joke, patting the head of the horse.

I am later paired with Sasha while magically not seeing Erwin all day. The lunch was absolutely amazing compared to the usual soup, bread, and potatoes. They actually offered us a small slice of meat to use on a sandwich.

"You joined the Scouting Regiment?" I hear a voice ask behind me while walking back to my new dorm room. I turn around to see Erwin standing there, his arms crossed.

"I'm not going to change my mind over one fucked up incident sir. I'd appreciate it if you would give up on me already. I'm with Jean now, and I won't be changing my mind." I cross my arms as he raises an eyebrow.

"Things change. Like I said, the survival rate is-"

"40 percent of us, right? I was listening, sir. I don't plan on being a part of the 60 percent and neither will Jean, no matter what. That's all." I turn around and leave, thanking the God's that he doesn't grab my arm.

"Don't think this is over, Koehler." I stop and turn slightly to give him my best deadbeat face.

"You come at me again, and I won't hesitate to kill you. That's a promise. You can label this as a threat, because I consider you a threat too. You won't catch me off guard like last time though, you can bet your ass on that. Like I said, stay away from me, sir." He smirks at me, his eyebrows quirking slightly.

"You still haven't lost my interest, Elsie. I refuse to give up on you. I'll just have to win you back the natural way." _He's such a persistent prick!_

"After what you tried to do to me, you stand absolutely no chance. In case you haven't realized, you almost raped me against my will." I take a step closer to him with an extremely dark expression. "I won't let that scare me from my goal though. And you are right; I do want your position now. Only because I recently realized you don't deserve it. Have a _wonderful _night, sir."

* * *

"Erwin, stop it. You are just going to end up creating something dangerous." Levi states as he watches the fuming girl stomp away. Erwin gives Levi an uninterested look before crossing his arms.

"Here in a few years, somebody is going to have to take over the Scouting Regiment. In order for that to happen, I need to have the perfect soldier molded. I've already made my decision, but she's going to have to understand hell before she can take my position." Erwin responds but Levi gives him a dark look.

"Almost raping her has nothing to do with molding her into the perfect soldier. You are doing this for your own fucked up pleasure, even if you don't realize it. From the day I decided to stay in the Scouting Regiment, I knew you would eventually pull something like this. I'm going to make you understand now, asshole, that I will be stopping you every chance you get." Levi turns on his heel and walks back to his dorm that he owns by himself.

* * *

After I am out of eye sight of everybody, I slump against a wall while clutching my heart which is racing about a million meters per hour.

"I can't believe I actually said all that stuff! I'm really asking for a death wish!" I gasp, staring at the ground which is becoming increasingly dark due to the setting sun.

"What exactly did you say and to whom?" I hear a voice ask and I look up to see Jean leaning over me, his arm propped up against the wall.

"I threatened to kill Commander Erwin because he told me he was still interested in me." I grin at him, as his jaw drops. He starts to go after Erwin to which I quickly tackle him to the ground. "No Jean! No! Bad boy! He is probably expecting you to go after him. Don't worry about it. I have it all under control." I assure him, pressing my hand against his forehead in order to keep is entire body down.

"Alright I get it! The dirt is getting into my hair!" He snaps, his clean rich boy attitude coming into play. I roll off of him and help get the dirt out of his hair.

"You sound like a girl complaining about dirt getting into your hair." I smirk at him as he rolls his eyes right back at me. "But that's okay. I'll be the boy in this relationship I guess." Jean grabs my hand and twists his body to plant a kiss on my lips. He pulls back slightly with a challenging look.

"No way. I will not be less manly then my girlfriend." He grins at my bright red face. What ticks me off though is that I'm not used to kissing yet Jean is able to do it on a whim and not get embarrassed. "I'll make sure to prove that sooner or later." He whispers into my ear and my entire body flushes.

I smack him upside his head and walk away with frustration, my heart beating loudly in my chest. _How can he say such embarrassing things?! Where is the I'm just as unsure as you are' Jean? He's better! Then I won't feel like I'm so left behind. Or maybe its better he acts like this. I wonder if he is hiding his nerves to help me feel better. I guess it kind of does. Makes me worry less._

"Elsie! What took you so long?" Sasha asks while chewing on a piece of stolen bread. She tosses me one with a sly grin, as if to say 'now you are in on it too, so you can't rat me out.'

"I had a little bit of a confrontation, then a hold up." I tell her, jumping into my bottom bunk with a satisfied sigh. "Nothing too bad. Now, are you going to be constantly stealing food or what?"

"It's just a midnight snack! Just in case we don't have time for breakfast!" _She used we as if she thinks I'm now going to be an accomplice._

"Alright, alright. As long as I get a little I won't tell on you. But you better not blame me, okay?" I demand, just as she places some meat into my hands.

"I also took that. I wasn't going to show you, but this meat will bond our friendship!" She declares, breaking open her bread and placing the meat in the middle. _Another friend eh? I'll probably end up losing her too. But like I said, I need to make the most out of what I have while I'm alive._

"To our friendship." I offer, tearing the meat in half so that I can spare Jean some. _He really enjoyed eating meat for the first time in three years._


	19. Chapter 19

_ Training began the next day, though it wasn't physical for once. It mostly focused on memorizing the long range scouting formation. We literally had to know the thing back and forth, upside down, and blind._

Squad Leader points to a spot in the third column that was said to be communications while moving the stick around on the bored.

"You new recruits will be here. Right between the recon support team and those who guard the carriages. Your job will be to ride alongside the spare horses while relaying messages. Mainly those on the outermost line will discover the Titan's first. When a Titan is spotted, they will fire a red smoke that will show everybody where the Titan has been seen. Once you see the smoke bomb, you will fire your own to relay the message. That way, Commander Erwin will know where the Titan is and how to move the formation. He will then fire a green smoke bomb in the direction that the formation is to move. Then everybody fires the green smoke bomb in the same direction so that the rest know which way to go. This works most of the time, but isn't full proof. Sometimes land terrain can hide a Titan which makes it too late to use the signal bomb. At this point, a Titan can break the formation and should be immediately killed. Then there are also abnormals which when discovered, needs to be treated with a black signal and killed as well. Now it is time for your positions!"

Almost every single day for the next two weeks focused on this formation. We of course got breaks to do whatever we wanted in town, but usually they don't last longer than two hours. Turns out I am with Jean and Reiner in the Third Column, File three. _Obviously Erwin doesn't decide where the recruits are placed. Good._

"Hey, Elsie! Have you seen Jean?" Connie asks me as I clean out Annie's stall, part of my daily job along with feeding and grooming her every morning.

"Last time I saw him was last night after classes. He said something about going into town. Why?" I ask with confusion as Connie gives me a doubtful look.

"He didn't return to our room last night." He explains and I simply laugh it off.

"He probably went to go see his mom. Go grab Sasha and we can try to find him before classes." I wave him off and he gives me a curt nod before running off. _Weird, usually he tells me before he goes to his moms. It would have been nice to see her. Oh well, I'll give him an earful once we show up._

After I finish up, Sasha, Connie and I start our quick walk to Jean's house because we were running out of time.

"So you know where he lives? Hmmm very suspicious!" Sasha gives me a sly face that Connie immediately copies.

"I thought you guys only started dating not too long ago. By the way Sasha, you still owe me from that bet!" A tension grows between them as I stop and turn sharply towards them.

"Bet? What bet are you guys talking about?" I demand darkly, memories from the beginning of training come back to me. _I kept hearing about a bet but I never found out what it was. I had a feeling it had to do with me, but don't they dare tell me it has to do with-_

"Reiner started a bet on whether you and Jean would end up together." Sasha tells me easily and I suddenly feel an intense fire burning in my soul. "Everybody was in on it. I'll be surprised if anybody even remembers."

"I'll kill him! I'll kill you all!" I snap, my face beginning to burn. The two start laughing at my over dramatic behavior that I consider perfectly normal given the situation. "Whatever. I'll leave it to Jean to decide what we do."

When we finally reach his house, I am greeted warmly by his mom who offers us food. Of course Sasha snatched that opportunity the moment it was presented to her.

"So, how have you and Jean been? I haven't seen either of you since graduation!" His mother declares, and I feel a heavy rock settling itself in my stomach.

"S-So… Jean hasn't been here at all? Not even last night?" I ask hesitantly, hoping that his mom doesn't catch the fear in my voice.

"Nope. Why, was he supposed to visit?" I shake my head quickly before the other two could pipe up.

"He must have snuck out to do some private business. That's what he told us this morning anyways. I didn't believe him so I came to check it out myself. He was probably training by himself. He's always overworking himself, you know?" My laugh comes out strangled as a relieved look goes over her face. "Thank you for the food. We should be on our way as we have class soon."

"Take care Elsie dear." She hugs me and allows Sasha to take the rest of the porridge with her. Once we get outside, I try to prevent myself from crashing to the ground.

"Why did you lie to his mom?" Connie demands, his expression not approving.

"Because she doesn't need to be freaking out about her son! He's probably back at Headquarters looking for me. I'm sure of it… He wouldn't just disappear… That's not like him…" I assure him, mostly assuring myself. "If he's not in class, I'm skipping physical training to go look for him. If he's in danger, I'm going to help him. If I'm not back by tonight, Sasha, then something is seriously wrong. Even if I don't find him, I will return to the dorm and check in with you at exactly ten p.m. If I'm not there by then, you better send help."

"Alright. You better come back! I'll send the entire squad after you." Sasha threatens as I pat her shoulder with confidence.

"If I don't come back then something serious is going wrong. I just hope that it doesn't come down to that… Think you guys can cover for me during physical training?" They both nod and once we show up to class, I take a deep breath.

"Want me to go in first?" Connie asks, but I shake my head. _I've got this… He's going to be sitting there just like usual. I'm going to sit by him, then deck him in the face for worrying me. _I throw open the door, making it bang against the wall. People jump out of their skin as other glare at me for scaring them. I immediately snap my eyes to where Jean and I usually sit, only to see nothing.

"Screw it. I'm leaving now." I state, turning to leave only to be grabbed by Sasha.

"You have to stay for this training at least! Jean can wait an extra few hours." She tells me as people stare at me with confusion.

"He could be dead within the next few hours! Tell Ness whatever you want but I'm going to go find him _now_." I argue, trying to escape from Sasha's grip.

"Jean's missing?" Armin asks, standing up with a concerned expression.

"He didn't return last night and we thought he stayed at his mom's but she hasn't seen him either. He might have been kidnapped… But who would want to kidnap a fully trained soldier for no reason?! Who could have made Jean an enemy?" _Who… Who…_

"Son of a bitch! I know exactly who the fucker is and I know exactly why. He is going to regret this. If I'm not back tonight, then something serious is going on. If I don't go now, Jean is going to wind up dead. Only I can do this and I don't need any of your help." _Nathanael, I am going to rip out your throat and shove it down your mouth. I'm going to cut off every one of your limbs and shove them up every single hole I can find on your body, even if I have to make a few!_


End file.
